What can I do to keep him busy?

@mentonette Im so sorry you’ve lost the companionship that comes from years of marriage. It must be an enormous change in your life.

Since your husband likes the grocery, he may be interested in some type of set/book of photos that he can look through. I’m guessing the grocery is filled with things to look at, some which he may recognize and make him feel good as it’s got to be difficult to live in a world you don’t remember. The grocery also doesn’t require anything of him - he doesn’t have to figure out what something means or what is supposed to come next.

Sets of photos could be different types of things depending on what your resources are, and who might help you.
Photo albums, even filled with grocery ads, Sam’s club ads, travel brochures, car ads.

PowerPoint, or another similar program that creates slideshows, can be filled with photos of yours or copied from the web. Free sites include: Animoto, Google Slides, Photosnack, and Adobe Express. If this feels overwhelming, ask a family member, church teenager to help.

If you’re really motivated, the local high school probably has kids that are looking for volunteer hours to meet the criteria of the National Honor Society. The teacher who oversees that program might like having something that will give students hours to create slideshows of topics he might scroll through (NASA, boats, golf, baseball greats, Star Trek, etc). A electronic tablet is the easiest way to access and control digital photo sets, but a digital photo frame might also work, especially one that has a clicker to manually advance or a touch screen. Again, a teenager or college student might be helpful in making this work if technology is not your friend,

A woman’s club may take on a project of creating scrap books of photos for people with memory issues as a service project.

Also, library books that are only photos might work.

I realize everything I just mentioned is extra work for you. And I really apologize, because I’m sure you’re already overloaded with caring tasks ❤️.

Sillyblone,
Thank you for expressing how I feel. It’s worse in the middle of the night.
I suppose we go through a grieving period, and I think I’m at the anger level right now.
I’m irritated that he didn’t have any hobbies to fall back on - and then I read above messages where spouses were extra involved with activities and now are no longer interested. I guess I will have to find out something else to be angry about until I resolve the feeling or move on to the next one.....
Peace

Is there a drop in group he could go to for a few hours a day near you?
A friend’s husband didn’t want to go to one at first, and wouldn’t participate in any activities and then he
became very involved and looked forward to going.
I’m looking into a local one for us.

Honestly, I don't worry about finding things for my husband to do. The things he wants to do, he does: goes to his favorite coffee shop and talks to people (I hope they have patience), unloads the dishwasher, makes the bed, does the laundry in the basement, picks up sticks in the yard. He's very proud of all these tasks when accomplished. The rest of the time he watches TV, where he inevitably falls asleep. Some patients like to walk around, others repeat the same tasks over and over. I deal with my husband the way I dealt with my children when they were young: I let them entertain themselves for the most part. They had toys and books and a yard to play in. It was up to them what they did with them. Of course, a parent must be more involved in a child's activities, but I say, if an old fellow wants to watch returns of "Friends" all day long, he has every right to do that. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm not a micromanager. My kids turned out great and my husband is happy. The anger is part of the deal, I'm afraid. You're not alone and those who don't admit their frustration are in denial about their own feelings. This disease means great loss. Disappointment and anger are inevitable. We have to adapt. When my husband was first diagnosed, I was angry (at what? him? the universe?), then depressed and grief-stricken. When friends asked me how I was doing, I told them how hard things were. Now I accept the reality and am grateful that we're doing as well as we are. When asked how I'm doing, I now say, "Okay." There are lots of stages so you can always say, This too shall pass.

This is a reminder that my feelings are normal. I find my anger returning when I watch my husband "waste his time" watching tv, or playing a computer game and usually falling asleep...for hours a day. I am learning to move on...go do those activities that are meaningful to me. Right now, I am not worried about leaving him alone while I play golf or cards etc. There may come a time when I need to be on hand most of the day...and I dread that time. Love that question...who am I angry with...a disease that he can't control? That anger flares up frequently, still. I am working at controlling my emotions but it is tough. There is a part of me that believes he could fight this a little harder...sitting in front of a tv for hours lulls his brain into nothingness...that flat affect. I can see him become animated when we are with other people. He enjoys interactions, casual ones and planned. I am torn between thinking I should be the one making sure he has these interactions or letting him just be. Should I let him do what he chooses, even if it is watching hours of tv?

For me, whatever works to get through the day safely is a win. The condition can’t be cured, so attempting to impose some activity on a person seems futile. If their abilities are limited, then no amount of suggestions or instruction will work. My observation has been that activities need to be directly supervised or the person loses interest and focus. And, even with direct supervision, they may lose interest quickly.

My spouse ruined Father's Day. He was rude to me. He refused to meet our grandkids and our daughter and SIL. I decided not me..I am going to meet with them. I enjoyed laughing and feeling loved. He still has not talked to me. Nothing happened to him . He could care less what he was given for Father's Day. I opened the card and placed right under the TV. I did tell him he was being selfish and uncaring to people I love and he should be ashamed. He knows the difference from right and wrong. He complains no one calls him. No..he doesn't pick up the phone. He is still ignoring me and at this point I do not care. I am so angry at him. I cannot imagine why he decided to act this way after our family changed the location where we met up..just for him. His disrespect of all of us made him look small. I might speak tomorrow if I hear I am sorry. I asked him to leave me alone and he could decide when and if he would like to have an adult conversation. Rant over.

I think tempering expectations is helpful. Dementia means there is brain damage, so behaving appropriately, being cooperative, appreciative, etc. is not a given. My dad may tolerate a family gathering for a short time, but then goes to another room. It’s too much for him. He’s not being rude. It’s brain damage. I would not expect an adult conversation with my dad, though he does ok at times. For me, it’s helpful to remember it’s a medical issue, not a diss against me.

Father's Day! I'm the one with MCI! A delivery was to be made at our house and since it was father's day I said I'd stay home to accept it. It was a lawn mower my husband should not have ordered at this time!! On a Sunday and a holiday at that. When it was delivered I called to let the family know it had been delivered and they could come get me which is 15 minutes away- I can no longer drive - my husband told them I didn't want to come! NOT TRUE! Both daughters called later to say they were sorry I didn't want to come. Did I actually say I didn't want to be with my family? I sure don't remember that but after all I'm the one with the mental problem. As the previous writer said. Rant over. I can't cause an uproar in our family.

He was congnizant and understood everything he was saying. I understand what you are saying. That is not where he is with his Parkinsons. He just thinks he should do what he wants. Most of his problems are with mobility. He holds grudges and is not very nice. He blames me for his condition. I am sorry. .but I know my husband and this disease process very well. Thx. for your input.