Disruption of moving to new house vs familiar home until memory care..

I would keep the changes to a minimum.

I can relate. My husband’s anxiety and all of it are progressing.
We bought into new independent living apartments at a full CCRC that also has Memory Care. I knew my husband would need memory care but thought he might be able to live with me end enjoy the apartment. Those apartments will not be ready for move in until Fall 2026.
He is declining and now I think he will probably have to go to Memory Care before we ever get there. At least we will be part of the same complex. I will be 1/2 mile away easy to visit daily and bring him home sometimes.
Less moves the better is how I am being guided.
Sounds like you were also looking at Independent/Memory organizations. Are you on a list? If so that’s the move I’d be shooting for.
I wish you well. This is all on you and that’s so stressful.
Sending hugs as you make big decisions.

@nelms
You may want to stay put for now until you get the work done on the new, smaller home, if that is possible. That way, things stay somewhat stable while you fix the new home for your needs while minimizing stress for your husband. Trying to find things and create a new routine in a new place 2 times may add extra stress for him and you.

Has his doctor indicated how long he can remain at home with his recent decline? That might help you with planning.

The number one stressor in life is moving house. I would sign up for CCRC now and forget the smaller house.

My husband is in early stages of Alzheimers, i.e., can do all the ADL, drives, and communicates fairly well. We decided a year ago to downsize from a single-family home to an independent living apartment to minimize the work required in home maintenance. We soon realized that the minimal level of assisted living care offered in the facility wouldn't be enough as he traveled through the disease, so next week we are moving into an independent living apartment at a CCRC that offers assisted living, skilled care and memory care in the same complex. However, I wish we had done this before his AD diagnosis was on his medical records. Because it is, he wasn't accepted as a full Life Care resident and will only be able to receive 90 days of care at the Independent Living rate before having to pay full market rate for whatever level of care he needs. Still, he will be close, and I will be able to visit him. Please note that we don't have long-term care insurance. If we did, then that would kick in after his 90 days were up. Also note that CCRC rules vary by facility and state. One friend I know who is moving to one in another state said it won't accept anyone over the age of 80 or already diagnosed with Alzheimer's or Parkinsons.

Keep moves or any kind of significant change in routine to a minimum. The cognitively impaired are severely limitied in their ability to adapt to change and it is a major stressor and likely to result in further mental decline and/or agitation. Four years ago I moved my MCI impaired wife from a remote mountain home to a city with ready access to medical care and amenities, and she still has not adapted, despite being only moderately impaired. She frequently accuses me of moving her against her will (she was a full participant in that decision and was in agreement with it at the time). I'm still not sure I made the right decision, but the other factor was that homes had been on the market for years where we lived, and suddenly the real estate market was red hot. But it hasn't been easy.

God love you for taking care of your wife.
“Frequently accuses me of moving her”
My husband “frequently accuses me of taking his license and car away”
He “frequently accuses me of telling him what to do”
He “frequently accuses me…..::
We will be accused frequently as we make decisions to keep our loved ones safe, well cared for and keep ourselves sane and healthy enough to continue the care with help.
While I am including my husband in decision making much as possible, at some point he can’t decide. So I don’t promise anything other than we are in this together and I will love him forever.

My husband has MCI and can drive to local spots he's very familiar with. He communicates well, but does not always express the same view of reality that the rest of us share. It's usually kind of close, though. 🙂
This week, he was in the hospital for two nights. He didn't know what state we were in or what month it was. He was completely confused. He became easily angered, which is not normal for him.
I'm trying to say that even a very short-term change can make a huge difference in the cognitive ability of someone experiencing some impairment.
Good luck with your decision!

Thank you all for such insightful comments! This is hard, especially given we would have to turn around and sell the small house we just bought and take a financial hit. But, I would pay money to reduce stress, so that is how I would have to think about it.

Another stressor is everyone, to a person, has recommended this move, because we would remain in our familiar tiny town, with friends and churches, etc, but be close enough to walk to everything.

The downside of remaining in our larger familiar home is the driving required (by only me, now) to get into town, two-three miles away. His loss of driving ability pushed us to buy the small, in-town house. But we are now hit with the stress of that, not just for him, who has MCI LBD, but for me as caregiver/overseer/manager.

Our friends and family do not see that short-term pain (buying, selling, remodeling, and moving) may not turn into long-term gain. Just the thought of taking our familiar house off the market, cancelling the remodeling of the small house we just bought—and then selling that one—makes me so anxious. But maybe that’s what we should do, and wait until we need memory care to make a move, and, in the meantime, visit more care communities that offer memory care. I do know a local couple who did that, and it worked well for them.

One of the core, diagnostic features of LBD is fluctuation of abilities, sometime made worse by stress, but sometimes for no apparent reason. We might be able to stay where we are just by hiring more help and eliminating the stress of moving to another house, before we really need to move for memory care.

I am so sorry this is long! Thank you all so very much!

I'm so sorry you,( we), have to make these major life decisions without our life partners input. These moves are difficult enough as a couple, but doing it all on our own can be terrifying.

My only advice here is that, whatever you ultimately decide, remember that you made the best choice based on the information you had at the time. This disease will progress in ways that you can't anticipate and it's so easy to look back and think we should have done things differently. I've come to the point where I try to do what's best for me so that I can continue to be the best caregiver I can be for as long as possible. If I am pushed to my breaking point, we both suffer.

Whatever you decide, I hope you will find peace knowing you did the best you could at the time.

jehjeh