Suggestions | Help with Getting Her to Sleep

I can relate as my mom has medication anxiety. She’s currently taking hers, but it might not last. It can be frustrating.

It’s quite difficult to get people to take meds if they resist. I know the staff in facilities usually figure out a way, but technically even they can’t force the meds on residents.

Is your mom keeping others awake in the home? Why is her lack of sleep bothersome? Does she complain ?

Sleep disorders are common with dementia. Most people that I have ever known who had dementia were on meds to help with agitation, depression or sleep issues. But, if your mom refuses……it makes it tough.

I hate to sound pessimistic, but I might focus on the future care of your dad. Is he open to that? After my experience with seniors who are resistant to care and meds…..I’d hire others to deal with it. It’s very stressful, exhausting and time consuming.

I might get a legal consult with an elder law attorney to get info on the situation.

Good luck with whatever measures you take. I hope you get some ideas that help.

@celia16 Thanks for your post.

Let me respond to your questions - they are good ones:
Is your mom keeping others awake in the home? YES. If she is up - she is constantly waking my dad or constantly talking or asking questions about the same thing or doing things that make a lot of noise at night or very early in the morning. Just the other night - (she was actually sleeping for a bit) she suddenly woke up and told my dad that someone was at the door. Startled out of a deep sleep - he checked because she would not settle until he did (we have a Ring - so checking from the Ring was not good enough to put her mind at ease). He struggled to get back to sleep. Last night was also not a good night. He didn't sleep well - probably because of reflecting and thinking about the state of things with mom. Also, if he is trying to catch a nap on the couch - it's the same thing - it is a constant thing where she will not let him sleep unless she is napping herself.

So...YES, her lack of sleep is bothersome. Dad is always tired and there are other things for him that I worry about too. I finally encouraged him to get himself checked out because I have always feared that he suffers from sleep apnea. He just recently did the sleep study (finally - two years of nagging him) and we have a follow up with his PCP - unfortunately not until June.

Mom doesn't complain necessarily... but her actions say otherwise - lots of sighing, being off balance, clearly fatigued - it is really a problem. The sleep, even if napping, to catch a couple of hours here or there - makes a huge difference in the way she functions and responds to her everyday tasks (which are not really much these days). But she is also struggling with some problems with her hand (she had surgery on the other hand years ago) and now this other hand is a problem. But she continues to push through the pain and she does tasks that will make things worse and you cannot get her to stop it. She often will not communicate (or maybe she cannot - not sure on this detail) that she is in pain - we have to simply read her behavior. So we have connected her behavioral dots and realized that this might also be contributing to a lack of sleep because of some pain. But again - she will not take Advil, which would help the pain and she could maybe sleep.

You make a great point about my dad- I have been focusing here as well because he is the full-time caregiver. I am home with them part-time and I will come stay for months at a time since I can work remotely. But I have a lot of anxiety overall because she is up before we are and typically once we are asleep - she's just up. Anything could happen - but thankfully so far...she stays home - there is no wondering away from home after hours or hours where she should be home.

Wow, it’s a difficult situation. Her behavior sounds like it would be quite disruptive to the family.

Unfortunately, based on what I have encountered, it’s not easily remedied. My dad, who has dementia, has much of the behavior you describe, but he takes several medications that help. Seroquel is one that has proved to be particularly helpful with agitation. It helps with sleep too. It’s a med that is usually prescribed off label, but a small dose is common, based on my experiences with dementia patients. My cousin, who had dementia, took it too at night. But, if your mom refuses meds…..that might not be an option in the home. A facility may have more luck getting her to take them. I found trained staff in Memory Care knew how to approach issues without much resistance. Resistance to bathing is another biggie…if you haven’t encountered it yet, you probably will. My dad has that now. Then comes bathroom issues…..struggling with proper cleanup or other odd behavior there.

I’m not sure how old your dad is, but caregiving full time for a person with substantial dementia is a huge undertaking. It’s mentally and physically draining. There are some people who do it longterm , but it boggles the mind. To me, when the behavior is so disruptive, it’s imperative to get substantial outside care to come into the home or arrange placement in a facility. Has your dad mentioned any plans or interest in doing either?

The trouble is that the disruptive behavior has to be monitored, and there’s no real way to prevent or curtail it. You can be supportive, kind and attentive, but at some point, the person with dementia can’t continue to run the show. The challenge is then managing their care….which may mean staying up all night, putting alarms on doors, child proofing the house, etc. My cousin who was a huge homebody who I never thought would wander, wheeled herself out into the parking lot of her assisted living facility and tried to get into cars with strangers! Totally out of character. So, I learned to expect anything. We had to move her to a Secure Memory Care facility.

I do sympathize, as I know how stressful it is to see a parent with cognitive decline. I’m dealing with it now. My mom and I have agreed. Right now, we are doing the care for my dad, with 2 sets of outside help coming into the home. And, I’m trying to find placement. He’s on a waiting list.

I hope you can find some solutions. It’s good to share and get support and all the help you can get. There are some videos on you tube by Teepa Snow about managing dementia behavior. They are helpful. Also, the book The 36 Hour Day provides guidance on care. Good luck with everything.!

Some medications can be crushed and mixed with pudding or applesauce or dissolved in hot tea or coffee.

@lkelley8
Have you thought of using warm milk, adding some powdered or liquid magnesium (like Calm), liquid melatonin added to drink, warm baths, dark room, white noise, soft music, nighttime audio books, herbal nighttime teas, etc.?

@trishaanderson Putting the pills in applesauce or pudding is usually a good idea, but, these days it can be dangerous to cut pills in half or crush to be put in something. And capsules should never be opened. All these “rules” have to do with patient safety. For example: I crush a 12-hour heart medication pill (to slow the heart) and it works too quickly. A 12-hour pill works in 4 hours rather than 12 or in 1 hour! And imagine the side effects! So, better safe than sorry!