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Stubborness & Resistance to Help
My husband has always been a stubborn man. With Alzheimer's, he's gotten worse even though he knows he should be doing some things for his own good. For example, his memory is bad enough that he can't remember his address or my phone number--bad news if he should fall, get lost, or confused even more. I bought him an ID bracelet that, ideally, he should wear 24/7. But he doesn't want to wear it at night or in the shower. OK, but he supposedly has agreed to wear it at all other times. Once again this morning, he went out to walk the dog, was gone for a half hour, and came home not wearing it. Not surprisingly, I was exasperated and said he had promised to wear it. He began making excuses, so I raised my voice and got angry. Then, per usual, he said I didn't have any right to get angry and basically put the blame back on my shoulders because I wasn't his boss. He'll probably come to me later today and apologize and say he'll try to wear the ID bracelet. But I'm sure it will happen again because, basically, he doesn't want to. This is the same type of behavior that occurs with some other activities. Should I just give up, even though this is a safety issue?
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You might arrange a day bed downstairs.
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1 ReactionI appreciate your response more than you know. I, too, feel everything you describe. I wish I could be like all those smiling women/men in pictures embracing their spouses with Altzheimers. Truth be known, I’d rather take a sledgehammer to him!
I have no clue how all this will end, but it’s definitely not going to end well for him and possibly for me either (by default). Yes, I do have my faith which stresses living by faith and not by sight. I freely admit it’s not an easy thing to do, but sometimes it’s all I have so I cling to it.
Drop me a line sometime so at least we can commiserate (ok…bitch) together.
This may not mean much to you but I’ll pray comfort and blessings for you at the same time I pray the same for me.
Please take care.
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3 ReactionsBitch together is what I need too. I'm disgusted by those ads with smiling Alzheimer's sufferers and their even longer suffering caregivers, as if this were no more difficult than a trip to the dentist. Smiles all around. BTW I'm also annoyed by pharmaceutical ads that promise amazing results, then follow the pitch with an extensive list of terrible, possibly deadly, side effects. I've been wallowing in negativity today because I'm getting very tired of seeing my husband in the same clothes every single day. His jeans are tattered and ripped in several places, his shoes are coming apart, his hair gets longer and longer and so does his beard. In short, he looks like a homeless person. I don't like being around other people if he's there because he embarrasses me with his endless repetitions of the same stories about his education (Stanford), his career (university reference librarian), and his passion for Ultimate frisbee. Our upstairs has hundreds (not kidding) of frisbees spread out all over the floor. He's sweet, affectionate, kind, generous, and a truly good person, and he's driving me absolutely crazy. I feel trapped by his dependency and annoyed by his incapacity, which I know is ungenerous of me but inescapable. The only thing that helps is venting to others about it, but there are very few I want to inflict that on. I have a close friend who will listen to everything. She went through something similar with her late husband so she understands. The folks here understand. For most of the people we know, our situation is as remote as the war in Sudan is to Americans. It's hard not to feel bleak while acting as if everything were normal. It's very hard to want this to end and to know what that will mean. Whatever happens, there won't be a happy ending. And now I have an aortic aneurysm so I hope I outlast my husband. If I don't, I can't imagine what would become of him. I wish I could be more encouraging, I really do, but sometimes reality is too much to ignore.
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5 ReactionsSimilar to you, I'm bothered by my hubby's incessant recall of his childhood, family, friends - I know his stories better than he! I find listening to audiobooks helps get me out of the stark present and into a more entertaining world. And there are countless varieties of stories that actually interest me! It makes life more bearable.
Fortunately, my hubby still bathes, dresses himself, and even makes his own snacks and coffee. But all the household planning, driving, finances are up to me and it's daunting.
I'm also fortunate to have a son who although he lives halfway across the country, is willing to step in and help as needed.
Hang in there. That's all we can do.