Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Thank you for your post regarding Zoom meetings. I would love to hear how the Anxiety Group Meetup goes for you. Having the In-Person seems interesting. I loved how you got down to the main issue of your anxiety by figuring out the source. Getting to the root of an issue is good and more people, including myself, needs to do that more often. Have a blessed day.

I really appreciate your perception that friendships (we had in the past) may not be able to be recreated with aging...and acceptance of something different may be what is needed. I think that is very Wise and Appreciate you shared that perspective. Very helpful!

Reply to "happyilyalive"
12 years ago we moved 1000 miles to be close to a daughter. We've never made friends or gotten close to anyone in church. We've tried! I've been so surprised at how difficult it's been. I think by the time people are in their late 60s and 70s they're settled in with family and friends. I so much miss the friendships from home. I for sure keep in contact with old friends but thought I'd have an extension of new ones but it didn't happen. Now at 80 we do what we can do. I don't think we are suppose to share emails on here. Blessings to you.

Hi mablesmith. Thank you for answering the post that I sent. I'm wondering why people that are senior citizens have such trouble making new friendships. You are right that many are settled into their family and friends but it's almost like they have sealed their world shut from newcomers. Glad that you keep in contact with old friends and I still hope that extension of new ones happens for you. I sent you a private message and hope that I did it right since it's my first private message. Take care and have a very blessed day.

I am really alone with no support system. I am also quite old = 90. I am fairly healthy and am able to live independently. My husband died 3 years ago. We were married for 59 years and together for 62 years. My life now is bleak and I really have nothing to look forward to. I stay mostly in the house. I only leave when I need to buy groceries or go to the library. I cry a lot. But that is the way it is and quite likely the way it will be until I die.

Is joining a church an option for you? It is a way to cultivate a community.

There is no question that aging alone is not easy and perhaps not even desirable. At 80, and surrounded by married folks, most several years younger, seem to ignore their neighbors, even if only 20 feet away. But when the ambulance shows up with sirens and lights, everyone wants to know what is going on. The loneliness fostered on us can be intolerable. And with the reality of being older and alone, the simple ability of applying some lotion to one's back, or to deal with the dry skin and nails that comes with age, is another difficulty often not regarded. And how much fun is it to to prepare, cook, and clean up alone will aging. The option is begging to run to an independent living organization, but only if you can afford $3000-5000+ a month. The lack of a support group in this area has chased away several friends, or worse, getting ripped of by a scammer who takes advantage of the aged and alone.

I appreciate your reply, but no, this is not an option. I consider myself a humanist.

@thisismarilynb I also have a suggestion. The senior center in our town has a cafe 5 days a week for anyone who wants to stop by. Many people come alone but they share a “friendship” table. The laughter is wonderful! I have volunteered at the cafe and with Meals on Wheels which are based out of the same place.
Can you see what your town has?

I happen to be too; a humanist.
Some of us have zoom meetings. I belong to some -- in my city and one nationwide. I am sure USA has too. I actually do enjoy some as we do get to talk some 'heavy' stuff that requires mental workout: last time someone said that churches provide closer community...to which I said, "then as humanist we must have something equal if not better if our life-philosophy offers a more humanist stance to life-and-its-issues.
Just a thought?

But I also know for people looking to just TALK, there are organisations who provide an ear to listen to those in need of someone to talk to. One here is called, NICE; I think even AARP might be helpful with suggestions.

It's a pressing problem that stares me in my face bc soon I will be in a position where living alone in an apt may not be viable. I toy with the idea that OLDER people need to help EACH OTHER. It's only fair ... even if they do a 'lousy' job. There is no perfect way to die except...as Socrates was able to but his was of the state's making. I'd however like that , or something similar, where I may leave willfully, among a few true friends. If there is no country for the old, then as experienced/elders, can we not devise a way?