Aging Alone—Finding Strength and Connection

Time is what we older folks don't feel like we have much left.. Like you, I belonged to an international group of mostly mature women for around 40 years. But when I didn't agree to yet another sponsored big gathering in another state, along with many of those I thought were my friends who were in their 80s and 90s, they all shunned me. I can tell you that there is no pain like being shunned by everybody you know..
The older ladies have all died now, only 3 years later...
I have been in therapy since.. Am a very different person now... I don't make friends like I use to and am afraid to leave my house without my husband.. Old women are like school girls, I've been told.. I am thankful for my dear husband and wonderful therapist, who have supported me.. I believed these people were my friends until this happened. I was a happy woman but it has been a struggle to build a new life at my age now.. I am 82 years old..

I am 90 years old and have been widowed for three years. I am alone and without a support system. I am not good with people. There are groups available but I do not go. I know what will happen. I will be ignored. It happens every single time. I do not know why. If I did, I would try to correct it. It is easier to stay home than to come home again knowing you have been rejected. I am strong. Probably why I am now so old but in good shape.

I just turned 80. I don’t mind being alone but I can’t stop obsessing about being old. It occupies my thoughts constantly. Any advice on how to stop thinking this way would be welcome.

@loraclucy
Hi. I hear you I see you. I am 68 years old and up until three years ago when I began having the loss of consciousness problems, and I fell twice once fracturing my neck and spine, and once fracturing my shoulder and breaking my humorous in my arm. After surgery, it seems like everything went downhill from there up until that point I was walking 3 to 4 miles a day doing yoga healthiest could be and after that surgeries it was one thing after another within six months I felt like I was 78 years old. I don’t have any family. I don’t drive or have transportation so it’s incredibly difficult to make any friends or belong to any groups if I could get to church I would do that because that’s where I would feel comfortable. But even with the way things are now in the world, there’s so many churches you can’t trust and even if people say they’re Christian, you don’t know if they’re really true Christian or if they’re just sitting on the sidelines making friends in this world today is almost impossible so I feel you. I think because I’m feeling like since I’m not old yet being only 68 that I should not be going through all these physical problems and yet here I am the only thing that has truly helped me is reading my Bible, trying to understand it by watching very carefully vetted pastors on TV through the YouTube channel there are some that are really truly good who explained scriptures written in the Bible in a way that I can really understand and relate to you. It’s taken some time like a few years, but I have come to really trust and believe in God Jesus and the Holy Spirit no one has ever cared about me or loved me as they do and I know that because I’ve looked back on my life which I made a mess of and yet I was always taken care of and provided for kind of miraculously really that’s how God works. The more I got into the New Testament so that I could get to know who and what Jesus was and why he came. I began to be more trustful and more believing and have faith and God who is actually so much bigger and greater than anything we could even possibly imagine. I have a son who is suicidal quite often because of a mental illness that nothing will help no medication no doctors know nothing. So he gives up knowing he is about to kill himself. I have dropped to my knees and prayed and begged God to protect him and I have to tell you of one story so that maybe you will believe me he called me one day on the phone and told me he was driving his brand new Mustang with the turbo engine 160 miles an hour down the expressway looking for the first thing he could smash into and then the phone went dead. My heart just dropped and shattered at the same time. I dropped to my knees and asked God to send 10,000 angels to protect him before I even got up from my knees. My son called me back and told me he ran out of gas. Now you might think that’s a coincidence but there’s too many other things like that that have happened for my son, and when I prayed for him where God has protected him three years of living like this every day with him, but knowing that God does love us all and wants us all to come to him and come to know his son Jesus who would love us like no one could and forgive us and never remember anything we’ve done wrong as long as we atone
Now, my son, after walking away from his marriage and losing his two children who he adored and couldn’t handle it so use drugs and continuously try to kill himself, three years later, three years of prayingon my knees for him he is back with his family has been clean from drugs for over a year is finally at peace and I know that even though I gave him a place to stay when he needed it and did everything I could to try to talk to him that didn’t work, but God did work. So I don’t worry anymore I just don’t because I believe and I have faith and this world is just a world we passing through. We don’t even belong here. We belong to God and we will be with him again, and I am no longer afraid of that. In fact there are days that I realize, even though he still has work for me to do here on this earth during the rest of my life, I can’t wait to be in heaven, wherever that is with him and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and all the Saints and all the angels and heavenly beings i’m not afraid or worried about dying anymore because I realize it is going to be a glorious day to leave this dark world, and be in a heavenly realm of peace and love where there is no more suffering no more pain no more cruelty. Don’t be afraid of dying. Andif you feel you still have an urgeto do something while you are on this earth then that is God‘s purpose for you. ask him what he wants you to do. You’ll find little ideas or opportunities popping up out of nowhere. and then go do it just go start somewhere. It’s an amazing trip once you start on this path, I’m telling you. The YouTube channel has some very good qualified Christian stations. One of them is called atmosphere of grace. It has a whole selection of themes to pray on just type in whatever it is you need and it’ll have something for you to listen to something very special another one you can get on YouTube is Abide they have very good what they call sleep stories. I’ll often turn it on and play it on low when I lay down to go to bed at night and it’ll be something from the Bible maybe in a prayer form maybe in a story form, but I find they give me peace and rest and a good nights sleep to boot. I truly wish you the best. I truly hope if you’re not Christian yet that you’ll at least give it a try.

I am 90 years old and have been widowed for three years. I am alone and without a support system. I am not good with people. There are groups available but I do not go. I know what will happen. I will be ignored. It happens every single time. I do not know why. If I did, I would try to correct it. It is easier to stay home than to come home again knowing you have been rejected. I am strong. Probably why I am now so old but in good shape.

@loraclucy
Hi. I hear you I see you. I am 68 years old and up until three years ago when I began having the loss of consciousness problems, and I fell twice once fracturing my neck and spine, and once fracturing my shoulder and breaking my humorous in my arm. After surgery, it seems like everything went downhill from there up until that point I was walking 3 to 4 miles a day doing yoga healthiest could be and after that surgeries it was one thing after another within six months I felt like I was 78 years old. I don’t have any family. I don’t drive or have transportation so it’s incredibly difficult to make any friends or belong to any groups if I could get to church I would do that because that’s where I would feel comfortable. But even with the way things are now in the world, there’s so many churches you can’t trust and even if people say they’re Christian, you don’t know if they’re really true Christian or if they’re just sitting on the sidelines making friends in this world today is almost impossible so I feel you. I think because I’m feeling like since I’m not old yet being only 68 that I should not be going through all these physical problems and yet here I am the only thing that has truly helped me is reading my Bible, trying to understand it by watching very carefully vetted pastors on TV through the YouTube channel there are some that are really truly good who explained scriptures written in the Bible in a way that I can really understand and relate to you. It’s taken some time like a few years, but I have come to really trust and believe in God Jesus and the Holy Spirit no one has ever cared about me or loved me as they do and I know that because I’ve looked back on my life which I made a mess of and yet I was always taken care of and provided for kind of miraculously really that’s how God works. The more I got into the New Testament so that I could get to know who and what Jesus was and why he came. I began to be more trustful and more believing and have faith and God who is actually so much bigger and greater than anything we could even possibly imagine. I have a son who is suicidal quite often because of a mental illness that nothing will help no medication no doctors know nothing. So he gives up knowing he is about to kill himself. I have dropped to my knees and prayed and begged God to protect him and I have to tell you of one story so that maybe you will believe me he called me one day on the phone and told me he was driving his brand new Mustang with the turbo engine 160 miles an hour down the expressway looking for the first thing he could smash into and then the phone went dead. My heart just dropped and shattered at the same time. I dropped to my knees and asked God to send 10,000 angels to protect him before I even got up from my knees. My son called me back and told me he ran out of gas. Now you might think that’s a coincidence but there’s too many other things like that that have happened for my son, and when I prayed for him where God has protected him three years of living like this every day with him, but knowing that God does love us all and wants us all to come to him and come to know his son Jesus who would love us like no one could and forgive us and never remember anything we’ve done wrong as long as we atone
Now, my son, after walking away from his marriage and losing his two children who he adored and couldn’t handle it so use drugs and continuously try to kill himself, three years later, three years of prayingon my knees for him he is back with his family has been clean from drugs for over a year is finally at peace and I know that even though I gave him a place to stay when he needed it and did everything I could to try to talk to him that didn’t work, but God did work. So I don’t worry anymore I just don’t because I believe and I have faith and this world is just a world we passing through. We don’t even belong here. We belong to God and we will be with him again, and I am no longer afraid of that. In fact there are days that I realize, even though he still has work for me to do here on this earth during the rest of my life, I can’t wait to be in heaven, wherever that is with him and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and all the Saints and all the angels and heavenly beings i’m not afraid or worried about dying anymore because I realize it is going to be a glorious day to leave this dark world, and be in a heavenly realm of peace and love where there is no more suffering no more pain no more cruelty. Don’t be afraid of dying. Andif you feel you still have an urgeto do something while you are on this earth then that is God‘s purpose for you. ask him what he wants you to do. You’ll find little ideas or opportunities popping up out of nowhere. and then go do it just go start somewhere. It’s an amazing trip once you start on this path, I’m telling you. The YouTube channel has some very good qualified Christian stations. One of them is called atmosphere of grace. It has a whole selection of themes to pray on just type in whatever it is you need and it’ll have something for you to listen to something very special another one you can get on YouTube is Abide they have very good what they call sleep stories. I’ll often turn it on and play it on low when I lay down to go to bed at night and it’ll be something from the Bible maybe in a prayer form maybe in a story form, but I find they give me peace and rest and a good nights sleep to boot. I truly wish you the best. I truly hope if you’re not Christian yet that you’ll at least give it a try.

Just show a smile, keep smiling and they will want to be with you!
Do this the minute you enter the room.
On the other hand can you imagine the pressure and stress other people are having.
They see you with a big smile and they want a little of whatever your smiling about!!

@thisismarilynb I've had that happen to me but I don't think of it as rejection. I think what happens is that many people go to events with others and don't think about meeting new friends. It's not a rejection of you just circumstances. Sometimes it helps to smile at others and see if anyone else looks like they would like to chat. If you find no one to meet, you can always descreetly leave. On another note, I've often found it more fun to volunteer in some capacity rather than engage in endless small talk.