Does anyone feel old and useless with age?

Posted by sally12345 @sally12345, Sep 13, 2023

Hi, I'm almost 64.. I'm feeling old and useless. My strength isn't good anymore. Like it used to be mainly side effects of meds. My health is poor with cvsd. Osteoporosis, poor circulation, hearing , eyesight, you name it's going. I always took care of myself. Now I've gotten older and everything's wrong, my grandkids don't a want me around and they are little still. No friends to talk with or do things with. Why is it we spend our lifetime taking care of family. Loving friends to end up , old and tired. Useless.

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@trooperdogg1960

I also had anxiety going to a therapist in person. One of the online clients served points her cam at her cat. Still, she verbally interacts in group and provides valuable input with her goals, accomplishments and frustration. She is a valuable asset simply by participating as she reinforces to all that we are not alone in this struggle. Your primary care physician should be able to furnish resources for online therapy groups. This app you and I are corresponding on also has zoom weekly meetings for a variety of subjects. That would a other resource. One of my Peer Support instructors constantly harps " the internet is your best friend " when it comes to finding resources. For myself, spending time volunteering to help others has had amazing results with depression. You can absolutely be the person you wish to be.
To seek peace and harmony outside oneself, is to leave it far behind. The secret to life is in the found in the book of mirrors. Each page you turn, you find yourself. Many spend their entire lifetime seeking this book of knowledge never to find it has always been there in front of them. Today, tell yourself what you are going to do to face a challenge you have. Your goal for today is work on a plan at your own pace. You can absolutely do this. There is no failure when moving forward at your own pace. I wish you the very best. You got this.

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Yes, sustained effort, in a positive mindset, on any issue gets results! In some cases however it is best to work with specialized professionals, otherwise you may make things worse.

Also, no one is useless in older age as long as they don't violate the rights of anyone else. Older people have extremely valuable life experience that can be shared with others. For example, recently I did my daily hour walk and past by a university. My thought was "I would tell the students there that this is only the very beginning. Your health is your most precious asset for a long, wonderful life. When you are older you will have the opportunity be able to enjoy your life like you can not even imagine now. So no smoking, no drinking alcohol, eat sensibly, engage in regular aerobic activity and visit your doctor and dentist for regular check ups.".

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@wendyinbelize

Yes dear. I know how you feel. I am 66 and have some of the same feelings. I don't struggle with the physical problems yo have fortunately but the isolation, low self esteem and loneliness are unbearable at times.

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I do know how you feel. I spent 4 years isolating myself because of depression exacerbated by that loneliness. I was able to pull out of it for the most part with help from my therapist. She recommended that I get a caseworker from a local organization. Because the caseworker worked hard to get me out on occasion to a group he hosts, I got much better. It has helped me feel like myself again, and I'm on over 20 medications for health problems. All you can do is try.

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I read all the posts here and just want to say something important about therapy or counseling even if done remotely. I am an adult child of an alcoholic. I think that a lot of us can relate as our fathers who served in world war 2 unfortunately became alcoholics when they came home. I attended individual and group therapy for adult children. When I first joined I thought I have nothing I. Common with these people but after just 2 weeks of meetings we had everything in common.. namely verbal and physical abuse by that alcoholic while we were children. Feeling useless is a terrible way to feel. I would enthusiastically encourage to get into therapy. I felt that way for most of my life but worked in therapy understanding that being told negative things while a child impacted my own feelings no matter what I had actually accomplished in life. I recommend finding a therapist who works with adult children of alcoholics. I did and now at 77 yrs old my self esteem couldn't be better. Please don't let old trauma impact how you feel about yourself.

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@trooperdogg1960

I also had anxiety going to a therapist in person. One of the online clients served points her cam at her cat. Still, she verbally interacts in group and provides valuable input with her goals, accomplishments and frustration. She is a valuable asset simply by participating as she reinforces to all that we are not alone in this struggle. Your primary care physician should be able to furnish resources for online therapy groups. This app you and I are corresponding on also has zoom weekly meetings for a variety of subjects. That would a other resource. One of my Peer Support instructors constantly harps " the internet is your best friend " when it comes to finding resources. For myself, spending time volunteering to help others has had amazing results with depression. You can absolutely be the person you wish to be.
To seek peace and harmony outside oneself, is to leave it far behind. The secret to life is in the found in the book of mirrors. Each page you turn, you find yourself. Many spend their entire lifetime seeking this book of knowledge never to find it has always been there in front of them. Today, tell yourself what you are going to do to face a challenge you have. Your goal for today is work on a plan at your own pace. You can absolutely do this. There is no failure when moving forward at your own pace. I wish you the very best. You got this.

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Thanks for responding, and for the positive words, I agree 100 per cent with what you've said.

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@trooperdogg1960

I'm currently training to facilitate group therapy for a number of mental health challenges. One of them is WRAP. Wellness Recovery Action Plan. It utilizes Dialectical Behavior Therapy DBT among others. Out of the 8 people present 7 are online and only one attending in person with myself and the co-facilitator. The on-line patients benefit positively
from the psychosocial structure of being in a ZOOM meeting with like minded peers struggling with depression and anxiety. Each of the patients look forward to these 2 hour sessions and interact well with each other. Many people are not comfortable or have no way to physically attend these meetings. For many, this is their sole opportunity to socialize with peers like themselves. Online therapy is extremely beneficial for many as it helps break down that wall of loneliness. Many might never get the help needed to move them outside the rooms they isolate in. I absolutely endorse online therapy as an alternative to no therapy. The psychosocial needs are supplemented in many, and in some, the online group meets needs they absolutely have no way of getting otherwise. I hope this helps clarify how online therapy can be beneficial. Make it an awesome day!!

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You have got to be kidding me. These people need to talk to a real mental health professional as soon as possible.
The fact that there are drugs out there that when taken responsibly can let them all lead normal productive lives is unconscionable.
I was a successful person in commission sales who not only left my room but actually supported a wife and two kids.
Depression is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide from. Ask Simone Biles or all the other great athletes along with successful business people who run major corporations.
Please anyone reading this get professional help. You don’t have to be isolated and you can lead very productive lives.
Hopefully we are finally breaking down the stigma of mental illness. It is genetic and nothing to be ashamed of.
This is the equivalent of someone with hearing loss not getting hearing aids or someone with impaired vision not getting glasses. Nothing more and nothing less.
No Zoom call is going to solve your problems. Only you can solve your own problems.

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@daveshaw

I was just relating to the group what has worked for me for over 30 years. I am going to be 74 in April.
I question whether you truly suffer from severe depression because if you do I don’t think what you are doing would be enough.
We are all different and if it works for you that is great. As my psychiatrist said oh so many years ago after we found a good combination of drugs for me was quite simply “If it is not broke don't fix it”
Good luck to you.

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I no longer am suffering from depression at all. In 2020 due to health reasons I retired. My condition created severe depression and anxiety. The meds prescribed
me made me very angry and hostile or left me feeling stoned or dopey. Neither were acceptable to me. I discontinued all meds including pain, alcohol and maintenance for blood pressure on Dec 5th 2021. Atorvastatin 10MG, to lower cholesterol and raise my eGFR for upcoming kidney transplant and vitamin supplements are all I take now. Between my neurologist, PCP and pain management team I was taking an assortment of pain and psychotropic drugs. Marijuana helped temporarily without the anger issues. I no longer use that as it is no longer needed. I now volunteer to assist in helping those with dependence and SMI issues. So smoking marijuana would be hypocritical of me. Doing things for people in need has gives the opportunity to feel good without the psychotropic medicine many doctors are happy to prescribe. Physical therapy does not end the pain. Nothing ends my pain. I prefer pain to the dopey feeling and anxiety of needing a pill to feel better. The feeling of being dependent on a drug can raise anxiety thus increasing depression. Removing that anxiety of dependence decreased the depression. I replaced psychotropic drugs with activities that benefit my physical, mental and emotional well being. Now I am a certified Peer Support Specialist and can assist others with my experience. I volunteer and continue training at a local Mental Health Clinic.

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We all get old but how you do it is up to everyone reading this post.
There is such a thing as growing old gracefully and just giving up. I am sure everyone knows someone who is 80 and acts years younger. Age is just a number.
I am 73 and soon to be 74. I took my three beautiful granddaughters out to lunch and then we saw the movie Snow White. We laughed, we talked and had a great day.
I take them swimming in the Summer and we have a great time.
Much of what we describe as old age is just not true. If you think you are old then you are old. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take charge of your life exercise and get engaged with your children and grandchildren . These can be the best years of your life. Get out and enjoy them.
You are finally free from having an 8-5 job that you might or might not enjoyed. Read a good book and engage with the people around you. You are only as old as you feel inside.
Good luck to everyone.

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@daveshaw

You have got to be kidding me. These people need to talk to a real mental health professional as soon as possible.
The fact that there are drugs out there that when taken responsibly can let them all lead normal productive lives is unconscionable.
I was a successful person in commission sales who not only left my room but actually supported a wife and two kids.
Depression is nothing to be ashamed of or to hide from. Ask Simone Biles or all the other great athletes along with successful business people who run major corporations.
Please anyone reading this get professional help. You don’t have to be isolated and you can lead very productive lives.
Hopefully we are finally breaking down the stigma of mental illness. It is genetic and nothing to be ashamed of.
This is the equivalent of someone with hearing loss not getting hearing aids or someone with impaired vision not getting glasses. Nothing more and nothing less.
No Zoom call is going to solve your problems. Only you can solve your own problems.

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Thank you for your insight. Your last sentence supports what I attempt to say in a very direct way. "Only you can solve your own problems"

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@trooperdogg1960

Thank you for your insight. Your last sentence supports what I attempt to say in a very direct way. "Only you can solve your own problems"

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I appreciate that.
People have to own their depression and deal with it. It is nothing to be ashamed but rather something to deal with head on. Get help and find a medication or medications that work for you.
It might take awhile but once you find that balance it will all be worth it.
Good luck to everyone reading this post.

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@trooperdogg1960

Thank you for the kind comments. I discovered I've been practicing neuroplasticity without knowing it. Learning new things, adapting to new physical challenges and talking to others and myself in new ways, rewire the brain. When we stagnate physically and mentally we stagnate emotionally. Intentionally rewiring neurons, synapses and connections by exercising them, we expand the use of our brain. I use my right hand to practice Iaido when I am left handed. This is a form of exercising neuroplasticity. My mind has to think differently. I once suffered from depression and anxiety. That statement is a form of neuroplasticity also. As I used to say I suffer, I now say it in a past tense. This rewired my thoughts and brings a positive reinforcement as opposed to a negative reinforcement of stating I still suffer. How we talk to ourselves is extremely important. Taking a different route to the store, trying a different flavor, even doing everyday chores in a different order can exercise your mind. Very simple things can lead to dramatic changes. Be kind when you talk to yourself. Because you are listening.

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Thanks, @trooperdogg1960. Excellent information.

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