Turned 54 yesterday and seriously struggling in a sexless marriage

The other very important issue would be do each of the partners still desire to have sex with each other
And that can be hard to decide if there are menopause, erectile dysfunction and loss of libido.

It sounds like you have been proactive and solved your problem.
I failed to mention I also suffer from low free testosterone and I am applying testosterone gel every day after I take a shower. This has also helped immensely with my sex life.
You can actually test your level of free testosterone if you bring it up with your doctor.
Ironically my son who is only 43 also suffers from low free testosterone and it appears to have a genetic component.
Just something to consider. It has done wonders for my sex life.

Loved your comments and suggestions. I'll just add that women have a much different arousal mechanism and some men and women have not been privy to that information. Makes it difficult to connect well

My wife and I have been together for almost 45 years, and we haven't fooled around for at least 3 or 4 years now, mostly because of me. She had a hysterectomy over 20 years ago, but got to keep her ovaries, so that didn't really affect us.
I'm retired on permanent disability, and I have to deal with chronic pain from osteoarthritis and neuropathy. I'm taking 12 prescription meds, including duloxetene for depression. About 3 years ago I talked to my doctor about the issues that I was having(no happy ending), and without batting an eye, he said it was the duloxetene, that that was one of it's side effects. Great.
We've talked about our situation on numerous occasions, and we've resigned ourselves to accepting the situation for what it is. I'm 66, and she'll be 62 in a few months. We enjoy spending our evenings together having dinner and cleaning up afterwards, then we'll watch something that won't insult our intelligence on TV until around 9:00, then we go into our bedroom.
We'll both take our night time pills and get ready for bed, then my wife will sit down and do her word search puzzles while she listens to music with her ear buds for a few minutes. I sit in my sleeping chair, put my feet up, and read.
When she gets tired, my wife will get up, come over to me, and we bonk our foreheads together and tell each other good night. She'll get in her bed and go to sleep, and I continue to read until I start nodding off. I'll get up, grab my blankets out of the drawer, turn off the lights, and go to bed.
I can't remember the last time my wife and I actually kissed one another, and I'm not sure if she could either. When our oldest granddaughter Sadie(she's 17 now) was little, she and her parents were living with us for a while, and one of her favorite books was a book about animals. One of the animals was a billy goat, and someone showed her what a billy goat did was "bonk" people or things with it's head. So whenever she was going somewhere, or going to bed, she wanted to give everyone a "bonk", so we've been doing it as a family with the grandkids ever since.
Do I miss doing the things that I used to do to her, oh yeah, all the time. Just thinking about it sometimes gets things started, but it's a complete waste of time, physically and emotionally. We've tried everything we can think of, but it doesn't work any more. I've just accepted it, and can't be frustrated any more.

I have been in situations where they are either seeing someone physically or emotionally. I blamed my self a long time but turned out she had checked out. Don’t buy into it’s you. Everyone plays a part.

Well for me it’s been about 16 years. And it’s not her it’s me. I’m a diabetic and the neuropathy has affected everything. I’ve taken pills shots and nothing has helped. I feel like I’m letting her down as a husband. If we are alone like at home or in a care all we do is scream at each other, more me than her. I’m in such severe pain from injuries and surgeries I know I am irritable. I don’t sleep at night maybe a couple of hours and when she worked she couldn’t sleep in the same room with me because I moaned and groaned all night. And now it’s just the normal thing she has her room and I have mine. Well me and my dog have the same room. We’ve been married 53 years in June, and I think I may leave so she doesn’t feel she has to look after me, and maybe she can find someone else that can be a better husband than I can. Not having to worry if I can access so place she wants to go or things she wants to do. After my accident I feel like it has affected my whole family. My son is 49 now and we don’t see each other except on Sundays when he’s preaching. I have three grandsons and they have been very helpful, but they are getting older and have other obligations of their own. Ones getting married in Oct. I’m just tired of people having to or at least trying to do things for me. If I say I’m going to do something my wife always says wait till one of the boys come over and let them do it. I want to try and if I can’t do it I’ll wait for one of them. I moved a chest of doors the the other side of the house by my self something I wasn’t supposed to be able to do. And I’m in a wheelchair. Things have just gotten bad between us and I know it’s mostly my fault. I’ve always wanted to move out west where we would have all the seasons of the year, I hate really hot weather. Anyway sorry for going on so long. I’ll just have to wait to see what happens. I don’t like psychiatrist or other people to tell our problems to. I know some and they are worse off than we are.

i a sorry to hear about your struggles in this situation. as a single person i chose to go without sex for any years during that time i went back to school and earned a degree. the best part of my life was going back to school. i am thrilled to have done that. i was 62 when i graduated. i went on to teach public school art for 3.5 years. i have an ok relationship now with sex and it's fun!!

I myself am going through menopause and intimacy with hubby is not as great as it was during our younger years. However, we spice things up in different ways. Holding hands is nice. Warm hugs and sitting beside eachother are comforting too. Make her breakfast in bed, surprise her with a bouquet of flowers or even a massage are things most women enjoy. Talking about your feelings with her is crucial and as suggested going to a therapist could certainly help. Sadly, many people get older and become complacent. BOTH people need to equally put forth a concerted effort. If she continues to disregard your feelings/needs it is in my opinion a red flag. Mutual respect is crucial. Healthy relationships are about give and take. It doesn't matter how long you've been together if she isn't willing to meet you in the middle. Compromise and compassion count for a lot. Good luck.

Okay I am your wife regarding sex. I had a complete hysterectomy when I was just 40 and it left me so sore down there that when we both went to a sex doctor (sorry I can't come up with the right title) that when he touched me with a qtip on the very opening of my vagina I cried out in pain. So yes it is a real thing. My partner David and I have been together for 30 yrs. Although I am not understanding your wife not wanting to celebrate occasions with you. I would say that there is some disconnect other than sex. Do either one of you want to see a marriage counselor? We did and it helped. Here is something that he said that bears repeating as it can be applied in relationships, work life in general. Here it is. If you ask for what you want you can expect to get it 50 per cent of the time. If you never ask for what you want you can expect to never get it. I think that as adults we sometimes expect our partners to know what we want. We don't! Please have an honest conversation with her and tell her what you want. Go from there. It might be time to move on. But you will never know if you dont talk. Good luck