1. < Caregivers

Stubborn partner

Posted by denise96 @denise96, Jan 7 8:57am

Any one on here who has to deal with a stubborn, hardheaded partner? My husband has late stage iv lung cancer and advanced COPD. He has had two chemoimmunotherapy treatments so far. His symptoms after wards have not been good. He vomits daily and can't eat anything without throwing up afterwards. He has been given compazine which did not seem to work for him. Now he has zprexa and zofran. Just got those ones yesterday. Hopefully he will start to feel better. But what makes me angry is that he won't try anything I suggest. Was going to make him peppermint tea with honey. He told me he does not like tea. There is boost in the frig which he won't drink. We have gingerale. He did try once, but threw up shortly after drinking it. I suggested crackers and he said he did not like crackers because they are dry. I said I can add oyster crackers to you soup. They will get soggy. He said NO. He never drinks water. Only coffee and milk. Bought him gatorade and he said I don't like it. He won't drink milkshakes. Did make him two weeks ago and he said he did not want to drink them anymore. I am at my wit's end. He weighs 92 pounds and is 5'10. It does not matter what I suggest, he doesn't like it or he makes some other excuse. I know that he is dehydrated but he won't even think about drinking water. We all do things that we don't like, but if it is going to help,, most of us will try it. Not him. And sorry to say, but I am TIRED of it. Last Sunday, I ordered ginger and peppermint tea from amazon. Guess I will be drinking it. Guess I will just have to watch him disintergrate into nothing but bones. Sorry for the rant.

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kb2014 | @kb2014 | Mar 1 11:36pm
In reply to @denise96 "You are right. This group really does help. I am so glad that you survived your..." + (show)
@denise96

You are right. This group really does help. I am so glad that you survived your illness. I hope you are doing well. I still am feeling numb almost an otherworld feeling since my husband passed on Sunday. I just sit and my mind is blank almost. STill trying to process all that happened.

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I am very sorry for your grief and loss. Your emotions are quite normal and expected. In my case the advice do not doing anything for a year at least was not wise for me

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1 reply
billiekip | @billiekip | Mar 2 1:13pm
In reply to @denise96 "Thanks for responding. Glad that you understood my venting. But now my venting has turned into..." + (show)
@denise96

Thanks for responding. Glad that you understood my venting. But now my venting has turned into grief as my husband passed away on Sunday the 23rd. I knew it was coming soon. I took him to a good samaritan house which is part of hospice last wednesday and he passed sunday. But it was a wonderful place and he got the best care he could get. I think my husband weighed about 75 pounds if that when he passed. He suffered so much that I wish they could have gotten him in that place long before this. But I know he wouldn't have went. He did not want to go last week, but we told him it would only be for 3 days and that it would be a break for me. That is why he agreed to go. To give me a break. Little did he know that he would not be back. But at least he was no longer suffering and he was at peace. Now I grieve, then I feel relieved and then I feel guilty for feeling relieved. But like you said, I watched him fading away day by day. He kept falling and I could not always pick him up and I knew that I could not give him the care he needed. It was so hard to see him in that much pain but now he is at peace.

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Let me offer my condolences. I hope you will find peace in knowing you did all you could do. Your husband knew he mattered and was loved. That is what we all want in this world. You matter too. I have been in a grief support group which I highly recommend. Sharing is the best way to find steady ground again. Clearly, your husband loved you and wanted to give you a break, so he would want you to go forward with your life. Take some time to regroup, but then start saying "yes" to things you never thought you'd enjoy. It is OK to have fun again; find what makes you happy and do it. You can do this. Women can do hard things.
A big hug to you.

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1 reply
denise96 | @denise96 | Mar 2 4:31pm
In reply to @billiekip "Let me offer my condolences. I hope you will find peace in knowing you did all..." + (show)
@billiekip

Let me offer my condolences. I hope you will find peace in knowing you did all you could do. Your husband knew he mattered and was loved. That is what we all want in this world. You matter too. I have been in a grief support group which I highly recommend. Sharing is the best way to find steady ground again. Clearly, your husband loved you and wanted to give you a break, so he would want you to go forward with your life. Take some time to regroup, but then start saying "yes" to things you never thought you'd enjoy. It is OK to have fun again; find what makes you happy and do it. You can do this. Women can do hard things.
A big hug to you.

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Thanks so much for reaching out. I think I will look into a grief support group. I just feel kind of numb now, wanting to sleep alot, but I know this will pass in time. Thanks again.

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denise96 | @denise96 | Mar 2 4:37pm
In reply to @kb2014 "I am very sorry for your grief and loss. Your emotions are quite normal and expected...." + (show)
@kb2014

I am very sorry for your grief and loss. Your emotions are quite normal and expected. In my case the advice do not doing anything for a year at least was not wise for me

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Thank you. Right now I don't feel like doing anything but it has only been a week. But I am sure I will be back to doing things before a year. Just sitting here alone with my two dogs won't be healthy for me in the long run. I guess we all handle it in the best way we know how.

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wmc | @wmc | Mar 2 5:22pm
In reply to @denise96 "Well all those concerns are gone now. My husband passed on Sunday the 23rd. He ended..." + (show)
@denise96

Well all those concerns are gone now. My husband passed on Sunday the 23rd. He ended up being in a Good Samartian House which is a part of hospice. He was only there for 5 days when he passed. But it was a wonderful place and I know he got the pain meds and care that he needed. Thank God for them.

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Denise, please accept my condolences. I know that is a difficult time for you and your family but you and hospice took great care of him. May his memory always be a blessing to you. God bless you and give you strength, comfort and peace as you go this

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1 reply
denise96 | @denise96 | Mar 3 7:51am
In reply to @wmc "Denise, please accept my condolences. I know that is a difficult time for you and your..." + (show)
@wmc

Denise, please accept my condolences. I know that is a difficult time for you and your family but you and hospice took great care of him. May his memory always be a blessing to you. God bless you and give you strength, comfort and peace as you go this

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Thank you for your comforting words.

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