Is it always a good idea to not contradict a person with dementia?

My late mother-in-law developed early onset dementia when she was in her late 50's, but at the time, it wasn't a well known condition. As it got worse, my father-in-law was convinced that she just needed to be "reminded" when she forgot things. Unfortunately, in her mind, she was with her grandmother sitting on the front porch snapping beans. She was, in her mind sitting in church with her mother and grandmother singing hymns and praying. I also remember the look on her face when he sternly corrected her. SHE WAS SCARED. You could just see it on her face. Scared, confused, bewildered and MAD. She would get so mad at him and then she would be on the verge of tears. After a particularly bad episode, he called me and we went out to lunch, sat down and talked. He finally understood, that in her mind she was, at that particular time with her grandmother, or wherever. Her body was here, but her mind was there and when he corrected her - and not in a kind way - it scared her and confused her more than she was. He learned a new word that day - GENTLY. Gently agree with her and gently lead her to another thought, another place in the house; just let her have her moment and then GENTLY suggest another activity. He couldn't believe how differently she responded. This worked in our particular case and I like to think the word GENTLY added a little something to her life until she intimately passed away. Just my two cents.

@robertwills With my uncle, before contradicting him I’d ask myself whether it was helpful to him to do so. Most times putting him straight wasn’t helpful to him, and was just me making noise (and perhaps being bossy). So I didn’t do it. It served no benefit. He wouldn’t remember what he’d said or what I’d said.

I have learned to not correct or contradict. Reminding folks with dementia of their short comings only aggravates and in some cases angers them. Just let it be. The conversation will most likely be forgotten.

Best advice is treat your loved one with respect. Try to avoid any conversations that irritate. Sounds like you're already doing the right thing at the right time. You will adapt as the disease progresses. God bless you and your entire family.

With both my father who had dementia, and a brother who had multiple traumatic brain injuries, I found the 'rules' to be a helpful starting point, especially for me, who can tend to want to 'make corrections' - :-), and to ask questions as a way of connecting (like "do you remember?") And the 'rules' made me ask myself - who was I doing it for ? - for the person who has the dementia or TBA (my father and brother)... or for me? The 'rules' just made me more aware, and to become more attuned to each of them, to take my cues from them, as well as using my own judgement, and of course the advice of professionals who were dealing with them. The changes we see in our loved ones are difficult (for us), and at least for me, having to fully acknowledge this, and to be aware of and modifying my own behavior to be more in tune with them was the challenge - a big one.

Greetings!
I cared for my mother for 13 years with Alzheimers and I work at a nursing home with primarily dementia patients.
The main "rule" we follow is to Validate with Kindness. It's nearly impossible to make hard and fast rules since dementia changes day to day. We have to be careful with our tone of voice which is difficult with so much aggravation.
For example. My mother caught me off guard one day when she was in nursing home by asking "When can I go home?" She clearly did not remember that she had sold her house.
I simply said "I'll have to check with your doctor." This satisfied her. I did not have to say "you are never going home" or "don't you remember you sold your house?"

Kindness is the best option. Not easy to remember at the moment

It’s sure isn’t easy. I never challenge my mom when she says where am I? Or get me out of this hellhole. It’s times like that when you have to breathe and remember it’s not their fault.

I don't know what stage my husband has reached, but his decline is more and more noticeable. I'd say he started showing signs of impairment three or four years ago. He still functions quite well, drives to familiar places, helps around the house, and is generally mostly cheerful. He as an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow and I have no idea what to expect because hubs doesn't think there's anything wrong with him. If he's not happy, he threatens never to return to the neurologist. He's been diagnosed by our primary-care physician, so this is a follow up to that. The biggest problem I face at the moment is getting him to acknowledge what's happening. He's in denial, despite the many, many instances of his losses, and I hesitate to spell things out for him. Perhaps the neuro. will do that. Getting this out in the open would help me but I don't want to distress him. When he was not so obviously struggling, I could overlook things and wonder if I was exaggerating, but friends see what's going on, as does our doctor. I'm at a loss.

Hope you get some answers at the neurologist. We are awaiting results of year 2 follow up testing. My husband is not in denial, he just doesn't realize he has issues.
Perhaps if the diagnosis comes from someone your husband trusts, maybe that will make a difference (not that he doesn't trust you, you are just too close to the situation).
Hugs to you.