Obsessions and Selfishness: Just need to vent

First I would like to say that venting on Mayo connect really helps. I don’t share what is happening with my friends they know some minor things but I prefer to keep anything else to myself, I know my friends mean well and they worry about me but I don’t want to spend the time I have talking about it.There is only my husband and I no family since I was born in the UK. I am sure my husband has MCL our doctor did a minor test and suggested a neurologist which after much research and finding the right one I found when I called he had just retired. Normally I can get my act together but my husband fell and broke his finger, a trip to urgent care confirmed this today and they gave him a splint and a referral to see a specialist for follow up. It has been quite a year since last year he fractured two vertebrae’s in his back. The splint has gone missing because he does not want to wear it and after constantly asking him to wear it I broke down, I said I was leaving for a while he said not without me and blocked the door. I said I hated him with tears running down my face, I was horrified to hear this out of my mouth especially when he said I will always love you and please don’t leave. OMG all I could think of is this something he will remember and what if it’s the last thing I get to say. I have tried so hard to bite my tongue and normally if I do life is bearable. Thanks for listening. 😢

This is all good advice. It's so easy to focus on my own frustrations and annoyance, but I can do better. My husband has trouble following the plots of our favorite TV series and often doesn't recognize an actor from one scenes to the next. I find this irritating when I have to keep filling him in, but I'm going to change my tone of voice and just be helpful. He wants sexual contact (we let it all out here) and I absolutely don't. I'm fine with hugs and will give a hug anytime, but the sexual stuff I find intrusive. I keep saying, I'm sorry, but I've never spelled it out that I'm just no longer interested in this sort of thing (I'm 79), the way I'm no longer interested in riding a bike, swimming, traveling to Europe. Old age is the time to begin letting go of things. In many ways that's a blessing, because who would want to leave the party while still having a grand old time? My question: should I be more explicit in my explanations to my husband? He's not letting go of the past, that's for sure.

To all of my new friends that replied- thank you for sharing your hugs, likes, advice, and wisdom.
I found something helpful in every single response, whether it was relief or just a calmness. I also had those “wow” moments just to know that someone else understands.

Side note: if I ever hear my friend say: You’ve got this- I may explode like the volcano that one of you mentioned.

This is the best forum I have found for our situation. Since I made this post, my spouse has been calm and not so demanding, aggressive, selfish, or obsessive. That is one of the stair steps a neurologist told me about; there will be ups and downs, periods of evenness, and then another step. ( up or down, depending on how we view the progression.)

I also truly believe that God is working through every one of you. I pray for this group and tell God that I am thankful for each of you and to help us all get through this. The Serenity Prayer says exactly what I need.

God Bless You and God bless Mayo.

I keep returning to this thread because it is so comforting to feel all the support from people who are going through the same thing. My husband has mid stage dementia and many of the issues people have mentioned. I have all of the feelings of anger, sadness, and helplessness you have all spoken about.
Mayo Connect is the best support group I've found. It is, as one of you said, anonymous. I also love that there is not a required time to meet. I have to steal moments when I can. This site allows for that.
And everyone here is so kind and supportive, even in the midst of your own pain. Thank you all for being here.

This is all good advice. It's so easy to focus on my own frustrations and annoyance, but I can do better. My husband has trouble following the plots of our favorite TV series and often doesn't recognize an actor from one scenes to the next. I find this irritating when I have to keep filling him in, but I'm going to change my tone of voice and just be helpful. He wants sexual contact (we let it all out here) and I absolutely don't. I'm fine with hugs and will give a hug anytime, but the sexual stuff I find intrusive. I keep saying, I'm sorry, but I've never spelled it out that I'm just no longer interested in this sort of thing (I'm 79), the way I'm no longer interested in riding a bike, swimming, traveling to Europe. Old age is the time to begin letting go of things. In many ways that's a blessing, because who would want to leave the party while still having a grand old time? My question: should I be more explicit in my explanations to my husband? He's not letting go of the past, that's for sure.

Regarding being explicit, I do hesitate with my husband when sharing info, because he just forgets almost immediately. If there is something I feel he should know, I write it down and put it somewhere prominent. I wrote my husband a note regarding why I'm no longer interested in sex (due to his focus on self and not me, and the awkwardness), and that seemed to help him remember my frustrations, and he'd bring it up from time to time when he'd re-read the 'sex note', acknowledging my frustration.