Caregiving: Anyone else doing this alone?

I just wondered if you had seniors helping seniors in your area?

My two siblings could not help monetarily or physically for various reasons when my mom moved in with us.
Things weren't too bad until she turned 90, and her needs started increasing. My husband worked two jobs so I could stay home with her. I finally hired a part-time caregiver because of my stress and fatigue.
I often thought, well, it won't get bad enough where I'm doing (insert medical things here that I'd never thought I'd be doing). But I always did and got used to it. Her caregiver was instrumental in surviving it all, as was my husband.
I learned that self-care is essential. Get out on a walk or in nature as much as you can. Consider hiring someone, even if they are part-time once a week. I wore myself to a frazzle and was on the verge of taking out a second mortgage and looking for the best facility I could find: migraines, digestion issues, back issues - much of it from stress. Most could have been avoided if I had taken better care of myself.
Despite all that, I felt honored that we could care for her here at home. She died peacefully, in the room I now write in, at 95 in November 2023.

I’m not familiar with it. I have contacted my local senior center and checked with SHIIP for all services that might be available. Since we have a home health aid coming in we discovered how resistant to care my dad is. He refuses to allow the aid to assist him with personal hygiene, shaving, etc. He complains the whole time he is here. So, I’m not sure how we’d utilize any additional help inside the home. Maybe, he’d do better in a facility. We have explained that without outside help coming in, he will not be able to stay. He’ll have to go to a nursing home, but either he can’t process it or he doesn’t believe us. It’s true though.

It's terribly difficult for the family when the family member won't cooperate with a plan of care. I know several such cases. One husband blames his wife for "abandoning" him and putting him in a facility. His behavior was so outrageous she simply couldn't cope. He's been kicked out of three facilities because of his behavior and now, I believe, he's back at home. It's a nightmare. At some point, you have to go forward with the plan that works best for you. Don't let yourself go down with the ship. Find some support, even if it's only (only?) a friend you can talk to.

@nhbfan: It’s scary having health problems, unreliable mental clarity, needing help doing ordinary things! Aging isn’t for wimps!
We don’t want our family’s help. We decided 9 1/2 yrs ago to move into a Continuing Care Residential Community (CCRC) where we live independently until we need additional help. We are with residents who have made this decision who we have much in common. Holidays are all celebrated with gusto and our environment is very luxurious. By agreeing to a Lifetime Guarantee the owners will take care of us for the rest of our lives, regardless if our funds run out. The peace of mind, lovely environment, activities and friendly neighbors have proved to be best decision we could have made. We continue to simplify our life more every year! Best to you… Bette

I’m not familiar with it. I have contacted my local senior center and checked with SHIIP for all services that might be available. Since we have a home health aid coming in we discovered how resistant to care my dad is. He refuses to allow the aid to assist him with personal hygiene, shaving, etc. He complains the whole time he is here. So, I’m not sure how we’d utilize any additional help inside the home. Maybe, he’d do better in a facility. We have explained that without outside help coming in, he will not be able to stay. He’ll have to go to a nursing home, but either he can’t process it or he doesn’t believe us. It’s true though.

Yes! Doing this alone. I deal with it one day at a time.