Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

How wonderful that you have a relationship that you can discuss your concerns. With my husband’s ADHD we have had issues through out our entire marriage & the current cognitive issues only complicate it further. I really can’t have any meaningful conversations with him. It’s very challenging. I tend to isolate myself while he chooses to watch TV. He does keep the kitchen picked up so I do have to give him credit for that. It’s complicated.

Your original post was addressed to women with a similar story, so I don't know if my (male) comments are appropriate or not, but we do have some similarities in our situations. My wife was diagnosed with MCI 7 years ago, against a backdrop of an already challenging relationship. That in itself makes dealing with her MCI much more difficult for me. We've been married 18 years, together for 20 and I've known her all my life. She is completely functional in the ADL (activities of daily living) but has terrible short term memory and very poor "executive" function (organization and planning). For example, often cannot manage the TV remote control, navigate an iPhone/iPad app or do multi-step functions of any kind. Yet she can drive herself to the hair salon and back (about a mile from home). Very emotionally labile, depressed and easily agitated (by me). I'm 81 years old and in relatively good health, and she is 3 years younger. I know what you are dealing with isn't easy. It does seem like we're dealing with some of the same issues.

This conversation is open to all, who find themselves in this situation. Welcome to connect, where we can all learn from and gain support from one another.
Your wife reminds me exactly of my aunt, we did make sure she did not have access to a car for fears of her own safety. She did have all of her devices that she loved but she did not use them or use the remote, we did that for her.
Are you able to get out and get some time to yourself?
How are you managing this?

Your original post was addressed to women with a similar story, so I don't know if my (male) comments are appropriate or not, but we do have some similarities in our situations. My wife was diagnosed with MCI 7 years ago, against a backdrop of an already challenging relationship. That in itself makes dealing with her MCI much more difficult for me. We've been married 18 years, together for 20 and I've known her all my life. She is completely functional in the ADL (activities of daily living) but has terrible short term memory and very poor "executive" function (organization and planning). For example, often cannot manage the TV remote control, navigate an iPhone/iPad app or do multi-step functions of any kind. Yet she can drive herself to the hair salon and back (about a mile from home). Very emotionally labile, depressed and easily agitated (by me). I'm 81 years old and in relatively good health, and she is 3 years younger. I know what you are dealing with isn't easy. It does seem like we're dealing with some of the same issues.

I go to the gym and do all the shopping and cooking. If I am gone too long, she accuses me of "meeting a woman". In warm weather I golf occasionally.

I totally understand what you are saying. MCI is no doubt challenging on the best relationships. When the relationship is already complicated it makes the struggle that much worse. I have found talking to a psychologist helpful. If you are not doing this, you might want to consider it. I also found journaling helpful & help me clear or organize my thoughts. I also share some of my writing with my therapist & we talk about those things that trouble me. I also decided to take some community classes that meet once a week. Between these things & finding an MCI support group, I notice it’s helping my state of mind. Just some food for thought if those are things you have not yet considered trying.

I’m so sorry. Have you considered talking to her doctor about her paranoia. There may be a med they could give her to help
With that.?

I do journal and I have an online 'penpal' with whom I confide everything. And I sought out this support group and today is my first post after just reading a bit. Your post resonated with me. I do not (yet?) feel overwhelmed. I am a retired physician so I have a reasonable idea what to expect (in the broad sense). Whether her MCI transitions to full blown dementia or not, no one can say, but it has been 7 years now, with some progression/worsening of symptoms. She has also become alcoholic with nightly heavy drinking....another complicating factor.

She mainly gets these delusions after drinking heavily and not so much during the daytime. She is already on fluoxetine (prozac) and bupropion (Wellbutrin) for depression, plus trazodone (an antidepressant but being use for sleep). I can handle this delusion and would prefer to not add another Rx. Mind altering medications in us elderly often make things worse.