Just can't handle this any more

Carrie 40 - THANK YOU. Just when I needed something this morning.

You said: "If you have any financial resources of your own and can get out of there--or at least make plans to--think about it. Martyrdom is not all it's cracked up to be"

I have been thinking about that very seriously. Have a few lawyers I am calling tomorrow. This can't go on.

I hate to moan, but I just can't take it any more. This morning was another battle. Of course he never is wrong, it is me. Because I confronted him, he now is going to get a lawyer tomorrow. GOOD! He has no feelings or concerns about what this is doing to me and my health mentally and physically. I am embarrassed to write the next because I know better. A few months back he was going through his usual litany and I asked about all the inhalers he gets and then refuses to use. He actually said: "What do you know, you are f***ing useless!" Yes, I know and I was shocked. He has never apologized even when I told him how much it hurt me. And it sure has changed things with me. He had never said any such thing to me before and we have been married 30 years!

Without getting too much into it, and please allow me to talk here, his daughter scares the begesus out of me. Has for a long time. He always brushes off her behaviors and nothing, I am just picking on her, etc.

Several years back I had something she wanted, a set of crystal paperweights. I was selling them - hey we all need cash in our old age and they are expensive. When I didn't give them to her, she waited until I was next to her and then deliberately hip bumped me, so I almost fell over (remember I am unsteady as it is) and walked away. I confronted her and she claimed I was mistaken. H, well he just shrugged his shoulders and said she said she didn't do anything. I have already posted some of the other things. Do you know she didn't invite her own Father (or me) to her son's wedding! Yep. Now that she is trying to get executorship of his will she claims that never happened. And guess what, H goes along with what she says? Carrie, I am not crazy and I don't make things up.

When I told H I was afraid of her because of her past actions his response was: "well, that was in the past forget it". I couldn't get him to understand that the way someone acts to you in the past is how they act to you in the future.

There is something definitely wrong with his daughter. I am not just saying that because I am a SM or have a grudge, something is off.

I am thinking about a separation and HE is going to be the one leaving the house, not me. IMHO, possion is 10 10ths of the law.

SD is 59 and doesn't live with us but about 5 miles away. Back in June H had a scare with his heart and was in the ER for a bunch of tests and things while they checked him out. She showed up and started cajoling him into making her his executor/beneficiary if anything happened to him. Note, I was not in the room when this occurred and only found out about it later. Supposedly she would handle things for me. Yeah, right. She is not allowed in my house because she has stolen from me in the past.

FWIW. I, we, set her straight about our wills and we have not seen her physically since then (nothing in it for her). She is "off" in a lot of ways and scares the begesus out of me.

You mean there are TWO of them? Heaven help us! LOL!!

I have mobility problems due to failed knee operation and nerve damage in the leg so severe that at times I cannot even feel my leg so I am careful when walking and doing things.

I try to get out, go to library, etc., but he burns the phone up calling me (eventhough I let calls go to voice mail).

I started lookng for help w house but he put a stop to that when he told the one service that they could use nothing to clean because EVERYTHING bothered him. That was last week and added into my frustration.

Now everything is feeding into everything for me. He is a slob, I am always picking up his tissues, etc. He eats in the recliner and gets the crumbs all over and upolstry full of stains and just doesn't care. He makes NO EFFORT to try to make things easier for me. It is always his LUNGS, his blood pressure, his hip, his back.

As far as respite care, won't go, doesn't need it and doesn't want strangers in the house.

His one daughter is 5 miles away (the one that wanted to be executor and in the will because, according to her, when something happens to him I won't be able to deal with things. Yeah, Right. She wanted him to change the will so she was the beneficiary and she would take care of me. I digress, she is too busy to help out even though she doesn't work. Besides, she scares me, she has stolen from me, verbally abused me, things that if someone does to you you wouldn't stand for or tolerate because, as my Doc says it is elder abuse. Her behavior is on record with him and he has strongly advised me that if she continues to let him know...made me promise to do so.

AND, I am going to Culver's BY MYSELF and plan to take my time and have some peace, quite and a great chocolate custard after a burger and fries. Gonna bring my John Grisham book and see if I can concentrate on some reading.

Good for you! I feel your pain. My husband had a stroke a year ago and I am the full time care giver. I am close to having a nervous break down.