Dealing with a Spouse with a “Mild Cognitive Impairment”

Dear @tryingtimes10

I’ve got examples and ideas and tell you help BUT, I’ve got little stuff on my brain, so here it comes…

Your great 52 year marriage is and was fantastic! Problems of you & your husband, day-by-day…
1) His memory is lost of during a day or can’t rember what to do.
2) Being alone and your families life other states
3) Twice-a-week going to a therapist being your anger, upset, madness (sorry, I love that word “madness” :))

How about #1 Husbands memories: sorry, I can’t understand the loss of folks memories. 12 years ago from a bicycle accident. I loss 80% of my memory, understanding, professional use. But today, this memory of today is great.

How about #2 Being alone: Do you have friends, church members, neighbors close to you? Can someone, like this, can be with you of cooking cookies, candy (I want that one), dinner foods by seating with folks like these? And look at your families. I bet one-of-them knows to setup videos of talking on your iPhone or iPad that people are like together. Laughing, looking at each other. Sure, I have no idea, but my wife knows to do these.

How about #3: Twice-a-week: Hit him then quit… sorry, I’m a brain-injury member 🙂

Thx,
Greg D. @greg1956

I’m sorry to hear of your injury & long term residual problems. It sounds like you have found a way to compensate, as has your wife. We do have a relationship with our priest who understands the issues but no real church family to speak of & good friends to rely on in a pinch, but we’re mostly on our own. Our son, God bless him, keeps in close touch via texts & photos of our grands.

Take it easy on yourself. You're in a rough spot and you need to pace yourself for the long run. Start slowly with whichever new endeavor appeals to you the most. Then, if you lose interest, try another one. These new ideas are for YOU. If you're going to be there for yourself and your spouse, you have to do what you can to keep your spirit and your body strong.

You bring up a good point. I just feel so good after my bass guitar lesson. Such lovely music playing when I enter & leave the music institute which is so up lifting. I do find I have problems dedicating time to practice between lessons like I did as a kid. I don’t have the stamina I had back then, but enjoy the lift I get from the lesson. My instructor has been great with working with me within my limitations.

I’m glad you have your music. What kind of music do you like? Don’t worry about not having time to practice “enough”. Try to let it bring you pleasure without any expectations of a specific outcome. Music for music’s sake.

That is pretty much what I have been doing with my guitar lessons. I learn something new each time but at the rate I’m going will never be proficient. I was very good at flute & piano at one time but sadly let it good & have regressed back to a beginner level after playing both at an advanced level when I graduated high school. It’s quite disappointing. Sadly I just no longer have the discipline. I used to play both for hours on end. As much as I like it I just seem no longer able to do it.

Hello. I understand what you’re going through. A lot of frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness, etc.. all negative emotions resulting in a great deal of stress. It’s good and necessary you visit a psychologist. However, your husnband’s dementia is not going to get better, on the contrary it’s going to get much worse, and eventually he will not recognize you. My advice to you is that you make more permanent arrangements to care for him. You will need to use the resources you may have available. Get the family involved, and above all, start caring for yourself and personal wellbeing. Sorry.

Thank you for your response. He is being seen by a cognitive neurologist & has has 2 neuropsych evals roughly 3 years apart which were stable. The providers he has seen are not yet ready to diagnose him with dementia. He has remained relatively stable on testing since 2019. We have been advised that it could progress or remain as it is. I was just interested in whether the HABIT Healthy Action to Benefit Independence & Thinking™ program would be of benefit to him. I wrote to his cognitive neurologist who had not heard of the program but had no objections to him attending. I would like to dialog with others who have attended this program with family members & hear what they have to say about it.

I am in a somewhat similar situation…the guy who used to fix my computer when it acted up is the one I now have to show how to do things on his phone and iPad. The decisions we used to make together, are now pretty much mine to struggle with, as he gets bogged down in details. We’ve been married 51 years, and I feel not only am I losing my husband, but my best friend. I find playing the piano does help, and he enjoys listening. Maybe picking up your music again will help you both. Best wishes as you travel this scary path.

Music is wonderful for the body and the soul. Go for it!!
Wish I could learn an instrument, but my go to is journalling. I also would like to paint.
This year I may set us up to paint together.
Whatever it takes to take our minds to a more creative and contemplative place.
In the day to day it can be very sad.