Obsessions and Selfishness: Just need to vent

@minniem, I just want to say, I'm listening. You can vent any time. It's hard to be between a rock and a hard place.

How did things go for you over the holidays? Are you back working this week?

Thank you for checking on us. The holidays have been mostly fine, with two big exceptions. I survived both of those.
I am working this week on a reduced schedule.

I don't know how you handle the demands for sex, but I know how I would. It isn't nice, but I would say NO and remind him that no means no and then, married or not, sex is rape. I have read that rape is considered a violent crime, not a sexual one.

I feel you regarding being able to love my husband the way I used to. It's hard to like him anymore, because it's all about him now with no consideration for me, and his personality has completely changed. We no longer have conversations, just his, 'report outs' as I call them.
Regarding our sex life, it's the opposite of your situation: since it is all about him, the loving act is no longer enjoyable for me, and it doesn't happen often, which I'm relieved about since he seems to have forgotten how to make love.
I miss my husband and our marriage.
Virtual hug.

It is next to impossible to be aroused to the point of wanting to have sex with someone who has forgotten how to make love , only wanting to receive satisfaction. When ignoring the advances and demands gets too difficult, just “doing it” and getting it over is sometimes just easier. And then I cry because what was once wonderful is now gone like so many enjoyments and memories. Hopefully he will forget the desire for sex soon.

I am sending you a virtual hug back and I feel for you.

. I had a dream recently about when we were young and in love and it was both a happy dream and a sad dream - for what what and what is now. And we find some piece of love to hold onto and go on, and pray for each other.

Your comment is so true. Thank you for sharing - and hugs to you

Hang in there. I'm glad you shared your feelings. There is support here that helps.

My heart aches for you. Thank you for sharing- it helps us all to hear what we’re all experiencing. Hopefully it helps you to vent. Have you considered a licensed therapist to help sort out your feelings?

Very difficult for all concerned. I have no idea what my wife is thinking or feeling as she won't discuss it at all. She is 77 and I am 5 years younger. Married almost 50 years. Very advanced MS without capacity to move except one arm and hand (more or less) so we require caregivers 24/24, and as she likes to eat and is somewhat heavier than in our "other life". Very fixed ideas regarding timing of all "activities" in the house - mainly eating times, specific TV programs to watch and so on. Has a catheter permanently, so minimal problems is that area, except when coughing which she tries to avoid, which then causes other problems. Evacuation is once a day and rarely a problem. Very dependent on my presence and I have to negotiate with her. All medical consults are acceptable, any social activity is frowned upon. I am prisoner in my own home, but then so is she. It is particularly difficult to know how to deal with her as she is apparently present but at times the new persona arises and stubornness sets in. I tend to deal with her in a normal fashion, get angry, annoyed, happy and will talk about things in a normal way but she appears absent. Which is better? treat normally or as one would a child. Very difficult to adjust one's behaviour. Anyway, venting is good, as it sometimes can clarify in one's own mind which way to go. Psychologists help, Psychiatrists help with medication. Life goes on. Occasionally the death wish crosses one's mind. Not for me, as I am not "allowed" to die first, but for her as it could alleviate her suffering and the guilt she no doubt feels about causing me so much anguish. It is a fleeting thought, but one I feel most people would have at some stage or another in similar circumstances. Another day more will come out. Everyone is different as every MS is different, but I think the pain and anguish is much the same for all, some cope better, all learn to cope in one way or another, concluding whether you agree or not, that carer's no longer have a life and all that matters or all we have left is the person we care for - "for better or for worse"