How about a laugh, (hopefully)

Posted by Leonard @jakedduck1, Dec 31, 2018

I believe laughter is the best medicine. Laughter has actually been scientifically proven to help people with depression issues.
Let’s give it a try so we can all get happy and feel better. Many Epilepsy forums I’ve been on had joke sections. I was probably the biggest joke of all since I didn’t get a lot of the jokes. They said the jokes couldn’t be above 4th grade level for me to understand them so my jokes may be rather simplistic but let’s give it a try.
Have a lovely day everyone,
Jake

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kamama94 | @kamama94 | 3 days ago

I got called pretty yesterday.
Pretty annoying.
But, hey, I like to focus on the positive.

nepanthe | @nepanthe | 3 days ago

In reply to @itchyd "I'm surprised you didn't run into Everybody Else." + (show)

LOL

kamama94 | @kamama94 | 3 days ago

Childhood injuries:
Fell off my bike
Fell out of a tree
Broke my ankle

Adult injuries:
Slept wrong
Sat down too long
Sneezed too hard

kamama94 | @kamama94 | 3 days ago

Yesterday, I was at my local TSC store picking up a large bag of dog food for my loyal livestock guardian. While waiting in the checkout line, a woman behind me glanced at the bag and asked, “Do you have a dog?”
What did she think I had—an elephant? But since I’m retired and have plenty of time on my hands, I decided to have a little fun.
“No,” I said with a straight face, “I don’t have a dog. I’m starting the Dog Diet again.”
Her eyebrows shot up, so I continued. “I probably shouldn’t, though. Last time, it worked wonders—I lost 10 pounds—but I ended up in the hospital. I woke up in intensive care with tubes everywhere and IVs in both arms.”
By now, the people in line were starting to pay attention. “The diet is simple,” I explained. “You just keep some dog kibble in your pockets and eat a piece every time you feel hungry. It’s nutritionally balanced, so it’s perfect for weight loss. I figured I’d give it another shot.”
The woman looked horrified. “Did the dog food poison you?” she asked.
“Oh no,” I replied, shaking my head. “I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end, and a car hit me.”
The guy behind her nearly fell over laughing, and I’m pretty sure the cashier couldn’t breathe. Suffice it to say, I think I might be banned from Tractor Supply now.
Moral of the story? Be careful what you ask retired folks—we’ve got all the time in the world to come up with creative answers.

-Stolen from a Facebook friend and Whoever first told this joke

kamama94 | @kamama94 | 3 days ago

You can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children.
Old flames tend to get offended.

itchyd | @itchyd | 3 days ago

In reply to @kamama94 "You can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children. Old flames tend..." + (show)

Maybe you can get away with saying that to a woman who's expecting...
But make darned sure she's really preggers first!

itchyd | @itchyd | 3 days ago

In reply to @nepanthe "You'll never guess who I bumped into on the way to the opticians! Everyone." + (show)

Oh my!
Do you do the Magoo, too?

itchyd | @itchyd | 3 days ago

In reply to @kamama94 "Yesterday, I was at my local TSC store picking up a large bag of dog food..." + (show)

I believe our ancestors also used that particular method of getting to know one another until they started walking upright.
Afterward, all the bending over just got to be too hard on the back.🤔