1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?

Posted by blue717 @blue717, Jul 18, 2024

I am 73 my husband is 75 with the above conditions. This is a living hell that I am serving a life sentence for. His memory is bad. He images things. He is nasty, cruel, never wrong and has no interest in anyone other than himself. I am his only caregiver, the rest of his family doesn't wish to bother with him. Is there anyone else trying to cope? The stress is unbelievable and it never stops.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

blue717 | @blue717 | Dec 15, 2024
In reply to @raebaby "My 80 year husband died suddenly with Parkinson's. Taking care of him was horrible. He was..." + (show)
@raebaby

My 80 year husband died suddenly with Parkinson's. Taking care of him was horrible. He was always angry with me and irrational. He died almost 5 years ago.
I finally found some peace with gel pens and coloring books or greeting cards for adults. I would color as he raged around me . I got into a sort of Zen state as the gel pens flowed. I still color as I watch TV. It keeps my mind active choosing which color to use where, blending and even planning how much area I can color before the pen runs out of ink. My mind is fine. I am 83.

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Thank you, that is a suggestion that is worth a try.

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blue717 | @blue717 | Dec 15, 2024
In reply to @1995victoria "maybe you can get into Assisted Living, and let someone else cope with your husband. Your..." + (show)
@1995victoria

maybe you can get into Assisted Living, and let someone else cope with your husband. Your situation sounds like a living hell, you have to accept the things you cannot change (him) and change the things you can (you).....with best wishes

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Assisted Living? how many $1000's can you afford a month. Care is not covered by insurance so you either drain your savings, ( which would take about 3 months) re mortgage your house, or you deal with it. Home care? Does not qualify because the system says if he can feed himself, dress himself and take care of his personal needs alone, then he does not need help.

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1 reply
blue717 | @blue717 | Dec 15, 2024
In reply to @johnnoregon "I have early-set through declining MCI, and my wife is a narcissist. This is going to..." + (show)
@johnnoregon

I have early-set through declining MCI, and my wife is a narcissist. This is going to be very interesting when I slide into dementia (it's coming, the signs abound) and her narcissism goes into full bore.

I don't have a coping mechanism for you, unfortunately. If you want a bigger audience - much, much, bigger, then maybe go to Reddit and search for the sub "Dementia". You'll have 1000s of like-minded people in this group - I believe there are 34,000 members - which you can join, and people are posting several stories just like yours every day. You may get some helpful suggestions out of it.

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Thank you John and Best of Luck to you on your Journey!

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pamdg | @pamdg | Dec 15, 2024

Giant yes to everything you said!!!

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Dec 22, 2024
In reply to @chrisbayne "My spouse was diagnosed with bvFTD nearly three years ago. Her cognitive decline soon revealed serious..." + (show)
@chrisbayne

My spouse was diagnosed with bvFTD nearly three years ago. Her cognitive decline soon revealed serious narcisism. I felt guilty talking about it, but am relieved to see that I have not been alone. Anger may have been tempered by two prescription meds: Quetiapine and Memantine. Doses should be decided by a physician. In my city, there are several places that seek to provide help. In the final analysis, respite time is essential if you want to sustain your own sanity. All I can do is sigh, stay calm and carry on. One step and one day at a time...

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@chrisbayne, your post reminded me of this older post started by @IndianaScott
- The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-caregivers-guilt-dumpster-open-for-business/
I'm glad that you shared about your spouses cognitive decline and how it has manifested in narcissism. Staying calm and carry on sounds simple but we all know it isn't easy. How do you get respite time?

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2 replies
blue717 | @blue717 | Dec 23, 2024
In reply to @colleenyoung "@chrisbayne, your post reminded me of this older post started by @IndianaScott - The Caregivers' Guilt..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

@chrisbayne, your post reminded me of this older post started by @IndianaScott
- The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-caregivers-guilt-dumpster-open-for-business/
I'm glad that you shared about your spouses cognitive decline and how it has manifested in narcissism. Staying calm and carry on sounds simple but we all know it isn't easy. How do you get respite time?

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No he was Narcissistic personality for well over 50 years. The only thing that manifested was how much worse Dementia makes it. Respite time? What world do you live in.? I'm not being rude, but for alot of people in my situation we "soldier" on, destroy our own health, while the health professional tell us "they are so sorry we are dealing with this" or offer us drugs. Therapy offers no real solution. I have tried for years to find someone to help. My anxiety and depresssion is t hrough the roof. I am so damaged, its hard to deal with anything rationally anymore.

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2 replies
chrisbayne | @chrisbayne | Dec 23, 2024
In reply to @colleenyoung "@chrisbayne, your post reminded me of this older post started by @IndianaScott - The Caregivers' Guilt..." + (show)
@colleenyoung

@chrisbayne, your post reminded me of this older post started by @IndianaScott
- The Caregivers' Guilt Dumpster - Open for business
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/the-caregivers-guilt-dumpster-open-for-business/
I'm glad that you shared about your spouses cognitive decline and how it has manifested in narcissism. Staying calm and carry on sounds simple but we all know it isn't easy. How do you get respite time?

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Hi Colleen. I get respite time when my wife is at OakWood Creative Care in Mesa. Her schedule is supposedly 1:30 am to 3:00 pm, but she is reticent and inordinately slow to go in the morning. When I pick her up in the afternoon, she most often seems happy how the day has gone. The steady yet slow decline in language skills, and frequent outbursts of anger, have me feeling that my life is a conundrum. In the past year I have become familiar with being exasperated.
Best wishes to you and yours. And I hope your Christmas is a happy one.

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bluespruce | @bluespruce | Jan 4 6:34am
In reply to @chrisbayne "My spouse was diagnosed with bvFTD nearly three years ago. Her cognitive decline soon revealed serious..." + (show)
@chrisbayne

My spouse was diagnosed with bvFTD nearly three years ago. Her cognitive decline soon revealed serious narcisism. I felt guilty talking about it, but am relieved to see that I have not been alone. Anger may have been tempered by two prescription meds: Quetiapine and Memantine. Doses should be decided by a physician. In my city, there are several places that seek to provide help. In the final analysis, respite time is essential if you want to sustain your own sanity. All I can do is sigh, stay calm and carry on. One step and one day at a time...

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Wow. I spent the better part of this year, trying to navigate a divorce, absorb an infinite number of impacts from the former other human (including one’s that have harmed & killed beloved 4 legged family members, all while trying to differentiate if there is personality disorder, and or less common forms of dementia developing or is well established.. simultaneously going thru DV precipitated legal separation process somewhat blindly (on 2nd atty - former other human has wanted separation but never took the initiative to start it).
Cluster B PDs plus dementia(s) is just a terrible horrible combination. Your post has made me feel a little bit less alone. Still am very uncertain of the path ahead, but it helps to know that others have dealt with the same combo. I wish you all the best and then some.

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1 reply
pamela78 | @pamela78 | Jan 5 7:07am
In reply to @blue717 "Assisted Living? how many $1000's can you afford a month. Care is not covered by insurance..." + (show)
@blue717

Assisted Living? how many $1000's can you afford a month. Care is not covered by insurance so you either drain your savings, ( which would take about 3 months) re mortgage your house, or you deal with it. Home care? Does not qualify because the system says if he can feed himself, dress himself and take care of his personal needs alone, then he does not need help.

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The issue of dealing with compromised family members is only going to increase as the baby boomers flood into old age. As a nation, we need to think about this and come up with some solutions that don't put the whole responsibility on the family and doesn't cause bankruptcy. The outlook is pretty frightening as things stand now.

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bobbisedlmayr | @bobbisedlmayr | Jan 5 7:46am

I lived with a narcissist for 40 yrs. I didnt even know what my husband was for so many years. I did learn. He was diagnosed with lbd with Parkinsonisms. He has declined with his dementia so that he is no longer a narcissist. Life will change. If he was back in his true form he would be livid at me making the decisions now and in charge of finances. Hang on.

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