Preparing to Age in Place

What a great post. I too live on my own. I managed to care for myself through stage 4 appendix cancer treatment (2 major surgeries plus chemo and immunotherapy). I have trouble asking for help so thank goodness I could. It was fortuitous I had put hand rails in for my father when he stayed with me briefly while his own home was being renovated for his own pressing safety needs (like removing the tub and putting in a walk in shower, changing out his gas cooker top to a safer one, moving his bedroom downstairs, decluttering, installing handrails etc).

He and we are very fortunate that one of his granddaughters and her fiancé live on the upper floor while attending university close by then while saving to buy a home. It works brilliantly for everyone - for the time being. Dad is coming up for 90 and wants to stay in the family home as long as he can. His health is good but he can’t leave the house by himself. He’d get lost quickly and confused, and unable to get home. There are many of us children and grand children who take him out and either do or organise anything he needs done around the house or yard. He wears an emergency necklace and we have security cameras outside so we know if he goes out the front or back door and can keep an eye on him. So far he has his privacy inside and we don’t have cameras inside. He’s proactive about his safety and will tell us when he would like us to install them and where.

This post has got me thinking hard about getting ready myself while I have time. Ready for a recurrence or for older age.

Thank you everyone.

But seriously, who on SSA without 500,000+ in the bank can spend 4 to 7000 dollars a month on themselves just to eat and sleep. Not in any way realistic. I think these places are praying on seniors who made $300,000 selling the house they bought for $12,000 in the 50s and will all be closed in 10 years. Thats how my mom was able to be in assisted living for 3 years.

She didn't know that the week she died of Covid was literally the week her money had run out. Could my sister, 79 and still working 70 hrs a week pay 3,000/month for my mother to stay there?

Generations now will never have a home they can sell and make hundreds of thousands on. I'm 70 with, no lie, 23 years left on my mortgage.

I've also seen where aging in place really means "ask your daughter for help." When you live alone and can no longer carry in groceries, or wash the kitchen floor alone or change your sheets, and no half million in the bank to pay for assisted or home care - NOT covered by insurance, its nursing home. We wonder why medicaid is running dry? And the taxes on my $5/hr is what has fed social security and we wonder why its running out. Very few earn as little as an FBI agent. Look at their saleries of less than $150,000 which is peanuts for running the FBI! (Look up Wrays salary.) But another story but does explain why there is no social security left. Nurses now make $100/hr in some places. Oh well...but there is no money for aging in place. Esp without family, kids, healthy spouse. Assisted living won't take you if you need assistance in your apartment. Wheelchair? They can't be taking people to the BR. Thats way beyond the assisted living contract.

I was told by a senior help organization that my insurance will pay for someone to bathe me and take my BP once a week for about 6 weeks after a major medical thing, but even they won't even make me a sandwich. He confirmed that as long as I was clean, they didn't care if I had not eaten or my sheets were 6 months on my bed. He was adamantly rude. Gets paid to help seniors. 5 minutes into my first call with them but my 10th number that day.

We shouldn't end up in a nursing home because we can't change our bed or wash our kitchen floor. I'd be running my (minimal) home graphic design business (I'm 70) from a nursing home bed. Now how crazy is that? I pay $600/year just to rent the software I need but dont even use every month.

Your clients are so fortunate to have 4 to 7,000 a month to throw away? My income is much less than that on SSA and as disabled my whole life, I barely have a comma in my bank balance.

It was weird to read spend 4000/month as if that was doable and NBD. In the 70s, I was making $5/hour as an RN. That doesn't come close to todays prices, even if I had saved 20% of my income for retirement and who can ever do that? And with social security based on that right? My dad never made more than $10,000 a year. Not enough taxes on that to fund our current retirement pool. Is that a separate conversation. I don't think so when we talk about what medicare won't pay for to keep us independent.

But we just stay grateful and sleep on gross sheets. Aging in place is really a misnomer. There are no social supports for that. Its just talk. It doesnt really exist and how realistic is it to live in assisted living without an inheritance?

Your clients are really beyond fortunate and represent the top 20%?

Sorry, I read "concierge" and laughed out loud.

But seriously, who on SSA without 500,000+ in the bank can spend 4 to 7000 dollars a month on themselves just to eat and sleep. Not in any way realistic. I think these places are praying on seniors who made $300,000 selling the house they bought for $12,000 in the 50s and will all be closed in 10 years. Thats how my mom was able to be in assisted living for 3 years.

She didn't know that the week she died of Covid was literally the week her money had run out. Could my sister, 79 and still working 70 hrs a week pay 3,000/month for my mother to stay there?

Generations now will never have a home they can sell and make hundreds of thousands on. I'm 70 with, no lie, 23 years left on my mortgage.

I've also seen where aging in place really means "ask your daughter for help." When you live alone and can no longer carry in groceries, or wash the kitchen floor alone or change your sheets, and no half million in the bank to pay for assisted or home care - NOT covered by insurance, its nursing home. We wonder why medicaid is running dry? And the taxes on my $5/hr is what has fed social security and we wonder why its running out. Very few earn as little as an FBI agent. Look at their saleries of less than $150,000 which is peanuts for running the FBI! (Look up Wrays salary.) But another story but does explain why there is no social security left. Nurses now make $100/hr in some places. Oh well...but there is no money for aging in place. Esp without family, kids, healthy spouse. Assisted living won't take you if you need assistance in your apartment. Wheelchair? They can't be taking people to the BR. Thats way beyond the assisted living contract.

I was told by a senior help organization that my insurance will pay for someone to bathe me and take my BP once a week for about 6 weeks after a major medical thing, but even they won't even make me a sandwich. He confirmed that as long as I was clean, they didn't care if I had not eaten or my sheets were 6 months on my bed. He was adamantly rude. Gets paid to help seniors. 5 minutes into my first call with them but my 10th number that day.

We shouldn't end up in a nursing home because we can't change our bed or wash our kitchen floor. I'd be running my (minimal) home graphic design business (I'm 70) from a nursing home bed. Now how crazy is that? I pay $600/year just to rent the software I need but dont even use every month.

Your clients are so fortunate to have 4 to 7,000 a month to throw away? My income is much less than that on SSA and as disabled my whole life, I barely have a comma in my bank balance.

It was weird to read spend 4000/month as if that was doable and NBD. In the 70s, I was making $5/hour as an RN. That doesn't come close to todays prices, even if I had saved 20% of my income for retirement and who can ever do that? And with social security based on that right? My dad never made more than $10,000 a year. Not enough taxes on that to fund our current retirement pool. Is that a separate conversation. I don't think so when we talk about what medicare won't pay for to keep us independent.

But we just stay grateful and sleep on gross sheets. Aging in place is really a misnomer. There are no social supports for that. Its just talk. It doesnt really exist and how realistic is it to live in assisted living without an inheritance?

Your clients are really beyond fortunate and represent the top 20%?

Sorry, I read "concierge" and laughed out loud.

@isadora2021, you're very blessed to have family close by to help...and who don't mind helping. Some people have posted that their children and/or grandchildren don't want to have anything to do with them. And that's so unfortunate.

I'm sorry that the concierge term, and the rates mentioned make you think senior/assisted living is out of reach except for the rich. While it is true that many well-advertised places charge very high prices, many of our facilities in Minnesota have 10-40% of the units dedicated to subsidized housing - meeting HUD low-income qualifications, where one pays a fixed portion of their income & the balance is covered.
When my Mom entered, she was definitely not in the "top 20%" probably more like the bottom 25-30%. At first she only needed an apartment with housekeeping and could contract for other services as she became more frail. Using the equity from selling her mobile home, she could demonstrate the ability to "self-pay" from her SS, tiny pension and savings for at least 6 months, and didn't have to wait for a subsidized unit to come available. Then, when her assets were below the designated limit (around 5000 then) she qualified for subsidy right away. As she needed ever more services, we qualified her for Medical Assistance to cover her bathing, meds, etc. The only thing she had to cover above the rent was her meals plan, and the amount the rent subsidy left enough of her income to cover it.

I know the situation is the same because my sister was financial/medical POA for a friend, and she secured a place for him this fall in the same building, starting on subsidy right away. His wait on their list was under 6 months; unfortunately he passed away the week he was to move in.

On the other hand, my cousin spent her last last months in what we called "a ladies' home." There were many when I was growing up - they are more rare now, but can be found. She shared a home with the owner and 3 other women with similar care needs. The owner was a retired but still licensed RN, and she had aides with her around the clock to assist. It cost my cousin $2200 a month in San Antonio - a combination of her SS and small savings (like you, she did not own her home outright).
So depending on where you live, you may want to check.

I'm sorry that the concierge term, and the rates mentioned make you think senior/assisted living is out of reach except for the rich. While it is true that many well-advertised places charge very high prices, many of our facilities in Minnesota have 10-40% of the units dedicated to subsidized housing - meeting HUD low-income qualifications, where one pays a fixed portion of their income & the balance is covered.
When my Mom entered, she was definitely not in the "top 20%" probably more like the bottom 25-30%. At first she only needed an apartment with housekeeping and could contract for other services as she became more frail. Using the equity from selling her mobile home, she could demonstrate the ability to "self-pay" from her SS, tiny pension and savings for at least 6 months, and didn't have to wait for a subsidized unit to come available. Then, when her assets were below the designated limit (around 5000 then) she qualified for subsidy right away. As she needed ever more services, we qualified her for Medical Assistance to cover her bathing, meds, etc. The only thing she had to cover above the rent was her meals plan, and the amount the rent subsidy left enough of her income to cover it.

I know the situation is the same because my sister was financial/medical POA for a friend, and she secured a place for him this fall in the same building, starting on subsidy right away. His wait on their list was under 6 months; unfortunately he passed away the week he was to move in.

On the other hand, my cousin spent her last last months in what we called "a ladies' home." There were many when I was growing up - they are more rare now, but can be found. She shared a home with the owner and 3 other women with similar care needs. The owner was a retired but still licensed RN, and she had aides with her around the clock to assist. It cost my cousin $2200 a month in San Antonio - a combination of her SS and small savings (like you, she did not own her home outright).
So depending on where you live, you may want to check.

My brothers son was born paraplegic and requires assistance everyday. My brothers income has never been good because he takes jobs that allows him to care for his son who has tried to work but his health issues keep getting in the way. I see your dilemma. But many people who are average people could afford these apartments. Maybe it is because they sold the home.
Nurses deserve to be paid a professional wage. They do ALL the work in the hospital and their education supports that.

I don't believe the current generation won't have homes to sell. When I bought my first home the interest rate was 15%. What is different now than then is we didn't have talking heads telling us how bad we had it. We just did it.

Yes an I'll and aging population is a problem. I both those things so I'm not pointing figures

Also a home is a very poor investment if you don't pay cash for it. In most environments you will pay for that home more than twice because of interest and the up keep is expensive. Sometimes I think let the landlord deal with the headaches and put that money you send in up in another more liquid investments.

I'm sorry that the concierge term, and the rates mentioned make you think senior/assisted living is out of reach except for the rich. While it is true that many well-advertised places charge very high prices, many of our facilities in Minnesota have 10-40% of the units dedicated to subsidized housing - meeting HUD low-income qualifications, where one pays a fixed portion of their income & the balance is covered.
When my Mom entered, she was definitely not in the "top 20%" probably more like the bottom 25-30%. At first she only needed an apartment with housekeeping and could contract for other services as she became more frail. Using the equity from selling her mobile home, she could demonstrate the ability to "self-pay" from her SS, tiny pension and savings for at least 6 months, and didn't have to wait for a subsidized unit to come available. Then, when her assets were below the designated limit (around 5000 then) she qualified for subsidy right away. As she needed ever more services, we qualified her for Medical Assistance to cover her bathing, meds, etc. The only thing she had to cover above the rent was her meals plan, and the amount the rent subsidy left enough of her income to cover it.

I know the situation is the same because my sister was financial/medical POA for a friend, and she secured a place for him this fall in the same building, starting on subsidy right away. His wait on their list was under 6 months; unfortunately he passed away the week he was to move in.

On the other hand, my cousin spent her last last months in what we called "a ladies' home." There were many when I was growing up - they are more rare now, but can be found. She shared a home with the owner and 3 other women with similar care needs. The owner was a retired but still licensed RN, and she had aides with her around the clock to assist. It cost my cousin $2200 a month in San Antonio - a combination of her SS and small savings (like you, she did not own her home outright).
So depending on where you live, you may want to check.

Thanks for your response. First, yes, the "concierge" word brings up privilege to me like "concierge doctor" - that's where my mind goes. Private dr that comes to your home and you pay pay pay. And probably the split between the have and have nots is so huge right now, no more middle class really. As hourly wage goes up, which is needed, that SSA check is worth less and less. The COLA doesn't even pay the increased cost of insurance never mind the cost of groceries everyone complains about. It was a presidential issue.

And I'm privileged to pay for better insurance. I would take food off the table to pay for my medigap plan. And very grateful its even an option. A friend, people on SSI (not SSDI) is living on $860 a month? Not allowed to get any kind of gift "legally" without deducting it from her income. If I buy her dinner, she is supposed to report it and it gets deducted next month.

BUT, on Medicaid, she has amazing home health care. 36 hours a week and well, ill keep my opinions of how much of it is needed. At 55 you dont need someone in your house to remind you to take meds because you have ADD. She's a good friend and I dont deny her all she does to get what she does, but medicare doesn't pay for nearly what she gets.

If I had medicaid, I could get them to pay for someone to drive me to Mayo in Feb. I know this because she did.

And I think we are made to feel like everyone is just a millionaire these days. That word was used very little but now it seems everyone in Congress etc is at least a millionaire. They say $150,000 a year is what the average family needs to live comfortably. Its hard to be closer to the have nots and hear people donating a billion to pay for an election party but that same person is talking about doing away with medicare, medicaid, retirement SSA. Or saying "its going to hurt people" (the disabled and seniors) but we will reduce checks by 25%. Its depressing. And angering.

Good for Minnesota for treating seniors with respect. What exists here is PACE. Its aldo what my mother was on to lower her assisted living rent to $3,000 9 years ago. Still a lot of money!

Friends here went looking for assisted living and it was 9,000/month! We have PACE here but they cover your medical care like an HMO but it reduced it to like 5,000 a month.

I really have trouble believing that average retired people can pay $5,000 a month? Am I way out of the loop on money in the world? Are many people retiring with a million in thd bank lije they say you kind of need now? Not in my world tho I fo hsve friends with trust funds. Just not a thing I even knew what it was.

I've also found out this year that it costs a fortune to "become visibly disabled." People might be surprised to find out medicare doesn't psy for scooters that leave the house. Or folding or lightweight wheelchair that a single older person still can't get into the car. So, $3300 plus to have a hoist installed. Folding electric wheelchair $2000. Scooter I thought would work $2000 but where I live its so hilly the scooter can't even manage my driveway, so a wheelchair. And a new mattress and automatic bed that my PT said I needed as my mattress was responsible for some of my pain. Anyway, you get the picture. $9000 on credit cards at 28% for mobility equipment. I'm suddenly drowning in debt I can never pay off never mind that medicaid in a nursing home leaves you I think $40/month for personal items?

Everyone talks about a generation of people who will never own a home. A friend in her 30s with 2 Masters knows she will never own a home with school loans that reduce the amount a bank will even let you borrow.

I kniw its complicated but its about aging in place. You can't do it if you can't pay out of pocket for a home health aid. Where do you get help with groceries? I kniw things aren't going to better physically for me or any of us. I'm 69 and struggle to get groceries into the house and put away. And that's it for the day. Dishes pile up. I'm not unique in any of this and certainly not special that I "deserve" more but realistically, when I can't carry in groceries anymore, or drive or yeah, change my sheets more than once ever few months (I kniw disgusting but reality for many seniors living on tuna. I'm not and very grateful.

I was really just saying aging in place is not reality if you don't have the money for all this private pay stuff. You age not even knowing what Medicare will pay for and not. Suddenly at 65, I had a $560 medication deductable I didnt have when disabled. All out of pocket in Jan. No gifts for anyone at xmas if you want meds for the first 2 or 3 months of the year. And again, I'm very privileged to be able to not have to be on an Advantage plan and pay so many copays, get denied coverage, etc.

Yes, its complicated. But even at 2200/month to live with other women is not doable if you have to pay your share of electric etc.

Me and frirnds have often thought if 6 or 8 of us pooled our money we could rent a huge house and take care of each other or maybe afford a housekeeper. I do know that "ladies homes" used to exist. There was one in my small town in MA where I grew up. A friends aunt ran it in her actual home. An older polish woman who took care of older women till the day she died. Not easy to find things like that.

But I bought a condo 7 years ago because it was first floor and there was already a cutout in the sidewalk. 2 bedrooms 2 baths so I could have a college student live hers for free and help with some things. I didnt expect that to be now! And I don't want someone living here right now as long as I can. I've lived alone my whole life. I'm up sometimes all night watching TV like right now.

Anyway, how can I hear that everyone is struggling but come here and of course everyone can pay for assisted living? I feel like I'm being told I'm wrong or the exception to the rule. And yes even having kids doesn't mean they will be near or we know they are the sandwich generation. Older parents and younger kids. And working full time as everyone I know needs two incomes. My reality is just different than others here I guess? That doesnt feel true tho.

Agjng in place is not so much of a reality if you aren't 100% independent. Or can afford home care. I was more about what insurance will cover and what it won't which we find out as soon as we are in need.

And sime states are better than others of course. NC not do much caring about disabled or alone seniors. Many homeless seniors all around the country. There but for the grace of god...
Thanks for your ear. Always open to suggestions but our realities are different clearly. There has to be people here who understand what I'm saying? Aging in place, for too many, is a misnomer. And I'm one of tbe lucky ones. Truly.