Connect
Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?
I am 73 my husband is 75 with the above conditions. This is a living hell that I am serving a life sentence for. His memory is bad. He images things. He is nasty, cruel, never wrong and has no interest in anyone other than himself. I am his only caregiver, the rest of his family doesn't wish to bother with him. Is there anyone else trying to cope? The stress is unbelievable and it never stops.
Like
Helpful
HugInterested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.
Connect
I am not noble. I am here for financial reasons only. Your suggestion is a common one, but the reality of it is, stepping outside or getting an afternoon out really does little. As people who deal with a Narc know, it is a steady stream of walking on egg shells and being degraded. Even when you do get out, its always in your mind that you have to return. The Dementia is easy to deal with nut dealing with a narccistic person is a whole different world. But thank you for your thoughts.
I know my reply is very late but answering your question is difficult without coming across as negative.This is how the system actually works for older people who are mid to upper middle class. We both have Medicare and another insurance, through his past employer. If by professional help you mean therapy. total waste of time, most of these people have no idea how to deal with Dementia+Narssicism. The answer of "take deep breathes" and "find a safe spot in your mind", dont do squat! Then you pour out your heart and give them situations you are living with and then they tell you the are booked up for 3 weeks, so they can see you after that. So do I just freeze dry my life until then? Care Coordinator? OK gathering information is, how many $1000's can you afford a month. Care is not covered by insurance so you either drain your savings, ( which would take about 3 months) re mortgage your house, or you deal with it. Home care? Does not qualify because the system says if he can feed himself, dress himself and take care of his personal needs alone, then he does not need help. Also, he passed the medical idiot test, which is can you answer what the date is, the day, your name, and who is president, then you have "Passed with flying colors". Trust me I have spent over a year trying to find some sort of help for either one of us. Medical doctors all have the same answer "I am sorry you are going through this". Some offer anti anxiety drugs for me. So thats why me and 1000's of others in the same situation are on forums like this trying to grasp a straws!
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsYou are so right! I share your feelings. We are in that in between place with my husband. Not ready for memory care, needs more attention than skilled nursing can provide. We're fortunate that we can afford in home care but he is resistant to allowing anyone but me help him in any way. People say I should put my foot down and tell him this is how it has to be. But they don't have to deal with the anger I see when no one else is around. Also, tears and begging. It is heart wrenching. I am thankful for the good days but walking on egg shells is exhausting.
Sorry for the rant but there's been very little sleep here for a few days.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsAs you shall think, it shall be. Best of luck to you.
Its not so much in what I think, rather than what I have experienced.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
1 ReactionI know exactly what you mean, hard to keep going sometimes.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 Reactionsmaybe you can get into Assisted Living, and let someone else cope with your husband. Your situation sounds like a living hell, you have to accept the things you cannot change (him) and change the things you can (you).....with best wishes
My 80 year husband died suddenly with Parkinson's. Taking care of him was horrible. He was always angry with me and irrational. He died almost 5 years ago.
I finally found some peace with gel pens and coloring books or greeting cards for adults. I would color as he raged around me . I got into a sort of Zen state as the gel pens flowed. I still color as I watch TV. It keeps my mind active choosing which color to use where, blending and even planning how much area I can color before the pen runs out of ink. My mind is fine. I am 83.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
3 ReactionsAssisted living is costly, in some states, can be as high as $10,000/month. We need healthcare reform that includes some from of assisted living.
-
Like -
Helpful -
Hug
2 ReactionsYes, it can be that high, but there are nice places for $3-4,000/month for you......memory care is expensive, but with help of senior center social worker, he might qualify for medicaid.....