Taking Loved Ones from Memory Facility for a Holiday

When my father was in memory care we did not bring him home because we feared it would cause him more confusion and anxiety. For special occasions the facility always had celebrations on a day around the holiday. One or more of us always attended and he had no idea what the date was. I think we, at first, overestimated his ability to reason and keep track of time. Once we settled in to this new routine all was well.

I hope this helps.

I had multiple reasons to not bring my LO home from Memory Care for holiday celebrations. One was her mobility and inability to walk. The house was not equipped for her wheelchair. And, she was fully incontinent. Also, she became disoriented and upset whenever she left the facility and returned….even for doctor appointments. We took the party to her instead. We took her gifts, treats, decorations to the facility and celebrated there. She tolerated that pretty well.

Home trips may work for some, but not in our case.

Thank you. Yes, your comments do help. I find solace in hearing from those of you who have walked the walk.
The facility did a fabulous Halloween buffet with great decorations. They make an effort to bring the fun to the residents. I don't know how this will turn out in the future, but for now, we are going to let my husband find his footing there.

Sometimes taking loved one out of familiar environment can be very stressful for them and very disorientating.

Just from my experience it did complicate my wifes situation in Memory Care. I was told by the CNA's that I should not do it for some time but I didn't care, I wanted to bring her home often and it turned out that they were right because it did confuse her and it was really difficult getting her to go back. After a few tries at it I stopped taking her out for a few weeks and it did help lessen her confusion over, where does she belong in her eyes. It was very hard on me to not be able to take her home because that was always what she wanted to do, was to be at home. I felt guilty doing so which hurt me a lot but it did help her acclimate better to the memory care estab.

thank you for sharing about the article on taking your loved one out for an excursion. I haven’t come to that point yet so it was good to read these comments right now. We are at the stage where hubby is still at home but showing more and more signs so, I took him to a beach excursion to watch our church baptisms. He grumbled about going and was in a depressed place; nevertheless, As soon as we went for a drive, got to sea and sunshine with church friends and Acquaintances, his demeanor lifted. No sooner did we return home, the dark side Resumed. I just happened to read these comments and kind of connected the two situations.

Every day is a new day and is totally unpredictable. As much as you would like to live your life logically and on a straight path, that isn't how it works. It may be that taking him to the baptisms again would be upsetting, and he may not be able to convey why he feels that way. My husband has always remembered his sister and lit up when she called. Last time, we Facetimed and he turned away refusing to speak to her. "For what purpose?" was his comment. I figured out that his sister must be 19 in his mind, not the 86 year old woman who was on Facetime. The next time she called, we made it just a phone call and that was fine. You just have to keep batting the ball, no matter where it lands.

You make good points about expectations. I learned to curtail my expectations of what my loved one might enjoy, as opposed to what someone who didn’t have dementia. I would imagine she would enjoy adult coloring books, music CDs, and a tv. Problem was that she no longer had the ability to focus on coloring. And, she never thought of turning the tv on or putting music on to play. Someone had to do it for her. She could only give her attention to certain things for short times. So, all these activities I thought of for her weren’t feasible. Short activities with direct supervision by staff were really the only things that worked.

I also learned that things that I thought would make her happy, might not anymore, such as a drive to the country, opening gifts, dining out…….

This isn't quite the same situation, but it might save someone a really painful experience. My sister had a devastating stroke - she was found nearly a day later on the floor, accompanied by her beloved dog, who refused to leave her. As her condition stabilized a bit, I had the idea to bring the dog to the facility, and had her groomed, got all necessary permissions, and prepared for the joyful reunion. My sister was confused and slightly horrified to see the dog, not sure if she even recognized her pet, and the dog was equally upset and would not get anywhere near her. The dog part was explained to me later: nursing homes are all but hosed down constantly with strong chemicals that confuse scent and the dog did not recognize her scent, which may have also changed in an institutional setting. Since my sister couldn't speak, she couldn't tell us anything except that she was upset and wanted this thing to go away.
I had seen comfort dogs in hospice situations and was imagining something like that, but it was not to be...

Since my cousin loved her pet cat so much, I thought she’d love a realistic cat that lays in its bed asleep and appears to softly breath. They look very real and are so cute, but she had zero interest in it. She put it in a drawer and seemed to dislike it. Oh well…I tried.