1. < Caregivers: Dementia

80-pound dog and concerned for safety of my husband and me

Posted by civvy @civvy, Oct 12 8:14am

We have an 80 lb very powerful dog adopted during the pandemic
I feel that at my age ,70 . it is increasingly difficult to handle him and he recently scratched a passerby walking hi dog. Our pooch wanted to go after the man’s dog and in the process wounded the man.
Animal Control was called ,
the man went to Urgent Care . My husband is 83. We have spent thousands of dollars on dog training
But my husband does not remember what he has learned and he also roughhouses with the dog in a way that is not safe i.e. putting his hands directly into the dogs mouth
I can’t both take care of the dog, take care of my husband and take care of my husband’s interactions with the dog
I know of no other option but to rehome our pet.
My husband has already told me that this will put him in a very bad mood; he says he could become even nastier
My living situation is unsafe. I never know if the dog will try to bolt and pull me with him. Two summers ago he pulled my husband
such force he landed on the ground with 13 stickers next to his left eye
I am enlisting some of his good buddies to reinforce my concerns but he is still adamantly opposed
Any input is helpful. My question is should we keep the dog so that my husband is happier.
Even if we have a walker three times each week they can’t be there at 7 in the morning or 10:30 at night.

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civvy | @civvy | Oct 13 12:18pm
In reply to @billiekip "My friends are 75+: one was pulled by her too big dog and broke her wrist...." + (show)
@billiekip

My friends are 75+: one was pulled by her too big dog and broke her wrist.
The second tripped over the dog's leash and broke her knee and toe. When my kids were young, I tolerated a Wheaten Terrier for 12 years who was my husband's dog. When my husband left the house, the dog became the alpha male and barked all the time. He made my life miserable. I didn't get rid of the dog after $$$ on training and other devices because I knew my husband would never forgive me. This is one of the biggest regrets in my life. Save yourself. Rehome the dog or your husband. Pick one.

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I have never met you, but I love you
Thank you my friend

REPLY
1995victoria | @1995victoria | Oct 13 4:50pm

My cousin with dementia had a vicious cat, it would scratch and bite her, but she thought it was a good cat. It had cancer, and she spent $$$ on vets and treatment. When she went into memory care, the cat was taken to vet. She kept asking about it, finally we told her that cat was adopted by nice family with 2 children who loved the cat. She stopped asking. She thinks she is in Florida in the Bronx NY, and she is safe and being cared for now. Not easy when someone has dementia. Logic doesn't always work, you have to figure out the best/safe way to handle the situation, you need to be the "parent" now. All the best wishes to you during a difficult time.

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1 reply
civvy | @civvy | Oct 13 5:06pm
In reply to @1995victoria "My cousin with dementia had a vicious cat, it would scratch and bite her, but she..." + (show)
@1995victoria

My cousin with dementia had a vicious cat, it would scratch and bite her, but she thought it was a good cat. It had cancer, and she spent $$$ on vets and treatment. When she went into memory care, the cat was taken to vet. She kept asking about it, finally we told her that cat was adopted by nice family with 2 children who loved the cat. She stopped asking. She thinks she is in Florida in the Bronx NY, and she is safe and being cared for now. Not easy when someone has dementia. Logic doesn't always work, you have to figure out the best/safe way to handle the situation, you need to be the "parent" now. All the best wishes to you during a difficult time.

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Thanks for your comment. We must protect those whom we love with dementia and sometimes it means we must bend the truth

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DanL | @tunared | Oct 13 9:35pm

Training a dog involves 25 % for the dog and 75% for the owner. If the owner does not learn how to lead (or follow through with the training) a dog, then it was a waste of $$. Dogs are very smart and know if they are in control or the owner is in control. Training is not a few minutes a week but hours each day. big dogs should not be owned by people who do not have the time or energy to keep up with the daily training.

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1 reply
civvy | @civvy | Oct 14 12:28am
In reply to @tunared "Training a dog involves 25 % for the dog and 75% for the owner. If the..." + (show)
@tunared

Training a dog involves 25 % for the dog and 75% for the owner. If the owner does not learn how to lead (or follow through with the training) a dog, then it was a waste of $$. Dogs are very smart and know if they are in control or the owner is in control. Training is not a few minutes a week but hours each day. big dogs should not be owned by people who do not have the time or energy to keep up with the daily training.

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Agreed and I would also say it is 90% training for owner and 10% for the dog.
Thanks for your comment

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civvy | @civvy | Oct 14 12:40am

Arrangements have been made to re-home our pup. He is going home to the organization from where we adopted him with the earliest available appointment on the 18th (Friday). They are a highly regarded and respected shelter. I am praying that our boy finds just the right home
The input from this forum is invaluable. The next couple of days will be a challenge because husband is opposed , but I realize this is not his decision to make.

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1995victoria | @1995victoria | Oct 14 11:14am

you might tell your husband there is a nice family very anxious to adopt your pup. He might feel better about it, not as if he is abandoning his pup, but finding a better place. as civvy mentioned sometimes we have to bend the truth

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Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Oct 14 1:39pm
In reply to @civvy "Arrangements have been made to re-home our pup. He is going home to the organization from..." + (show)
@civvy

Arrangements have been made to re-home our pup. He is going home to the organization from where we adopted him with the earliest available appointment on the 18th (Friday). They are a highly regarded and respected shelter. I am praying that our boy finds just the right home
The input from this forum is invaluable. The next couple of days will be a challenge because husband is opposed , but I realize this is not his decision to make.

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Civvy, I am hoping for the best for you and your husband in rehoming his dog. It is a hard decision to let a pet go. Do you have a dog park nearby that he can go to and visit other pets? Or neighbors who would let him provide their dog with a treat when they walk by?

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1 reply
civvy | @civvy | Oct 14 1:47pm

We have many dogs in our condo building that my husband enjoys but this will still be a huge loss

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billiekip | @billiekip | Oct 15 9:09am
In reply to @civvy "We have many dogs in our condo building that my husband enjoys but this will still..." + (show)
@civvy

We have many dogs in our condo building that my husband enjoys but this will still be a huge loss

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My next-door neighbor no longer has a dog; her husband has cancer and shingles and they feel that a pet would be too much right now. She walks another neighbor's dog every morning. They benefit from the break, the dog benefits from socialization and a bonus walk, and my neighbor gets her pet fix. Win win for everyone. Offer to walk someone's dog. They would jump at the chance. It is like offering free babysitting to a mom.

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