Help - I am burned out and dealing with someone who is stubborn

Posted by kartwk @kartwk, Oct 8 11:05am

My husband has a history of COPD and asthma. He has used every inhaler that is available and same with the drugs, which is claims to have problems with all of them

For the last two months it has been awful. We seem to be at the ER and doctor every few days. Last time at doc was Friday. He was given an antibiotic. This morning, I ask him how his lungs are doing and he tells me fine. I figured this because for the last two months or so all he does is go around honking, deliberately, up stuff and looking at what color it is. Trust me, I have the kleenex all over that I keep picking up. He is OBSESSED with the color - is it green, is it gray, is it clear. This even though the doc on Friday told him that color doesn't matter.

Now he is back on the phone for another doc. apt. His lungs, which were fine just an hour ago are now "all clogged up" and he is honking (generally becauses he keeps trying to) and he feels awful.

I must say, this shocked me as he just told me he was getting better.

Anyway, I can not clean around the house and he is b*tching that because of the house his lungs are bad. BULL. I do not use any strong chemicals. I generally use vinegar and water to clean floors, I dust weekly. NOW, though even vinegar bothers his lungs, so he claims.

The final straw for me came this weekend after it had rained several days. He walked outside and, oh his lungs were bothered. Why you ask, Because of the smell the air gets after it rains! This is not about pollen, etc, but just the earthy smell that comes after a good rain. At this point I am having my doubts.

I cannot tell you how many differnt doctors we have been to. Two weeks ago he told me to be ready to take him to the hospital, that didn't happen. Now he is sitting there telling me he is gonna die!

I just don't know what to do.

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kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 11:07am

The smell of cinimon on cinimon rolls upsets his lungs, or so he claims. Point being, if it has an odor it affects his lungs.

I can't use cleaners with lemon or any scent. Pine-Sol would drive him to the ER immediately.

kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 11:10am

Oh, now he is angry at me because I am just stunned. An hour ago he was fine, getting better. Now he is always checking his upchucks from his lungs, they are too heavy he says. Now he needs another doc visit and is sulking in the kitchen because he can't get in until tomorrow and talking about going to the ER AGAIN!

I just don't know. Doc has given him all the various inhalers out there, prednisone which he takes and then stops because it gives him thrush in his mouth and the list goes on.

kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 11:15am

FWIW, about 6 months ago we were in the doc for the same stuff. His lungs. He asked the doc for another inhaler. Doc told him he had them all and there were no new ones, and that he claimed to have problems with and from all of them. He was upset and disappointed.

Yes, he has COPD and lung problems but I believe he is just always looking for something to be wrong with his lungs. He is always force upchucking something out of his lungs into kleenex so he can "evaluate" it. Almost constantly!

hbp | @hbp | Oct 8 11:48am

He might benefit with a visit with psychologist

kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 11:59am

In reply to @hbp "He might benefit with a visit with psychologist" + (show)

Trust me, THAT would never happen. He would never go and heaven help me if I suggested it.

Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Oct 8 12:04pm

In reply to @kartwk "FWIW, about 6 months ago we were in the doc for the same stuff. His lungs...." + (show)

Wow, I can't imagine dealing with it day after day. I know he has other issues as well from your earlier posts.
At this level of stress, you NEED to find respite help. Is there anyone you can call on to sit with him for a few hours while you get out of the house and do something for yourself? If not a family member or friend, can you check with your county office on aging to see what exists in your area?
My Dad used to be a volunteer "senior companion" - he would go hang out with another guy, in his home, for 2-3 hours to let the caregiver have a break. They would swap stories, play cribbage, or just watch TV & have coffee (Dad always brought homemade cookies or quick bread to share.) It was through neighborhood senior services near his home.

Please, let's figure out how to get YOU a break...Hugs!
Sue

kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 12:21pm

In reply to @sueinmn "Wow, I can't imagine dealing with it day after day. I know he has other issues..." + (show)

Just to give you an example...we have averaged a doc visit every 2 weeks all summer. Just the last month he had 2 doc visits, an ER visit on a week ago Monday, followed by a doc visit because of his lungs Friday of the same week. Then on Monday he calls doc for pregnisone and now he needs another doc visit, or maybe ER if it gets worse.

He has a fit if I vacuum the floor etc. because the dust bothers him but at the same time complains about it if he sees dust anywhere.

Getting absolutely unpleasant to be around much less hearing him try to honk things up so he can check it out.

hbp | @hbp | Oct 8 1:03pm

perhaps you could use a professional who could advise you as to how to tolerate him better. Personally, I am a believer in being a selective listenerGood luck to both of you

celia16 | @celia16 | Oct 8 5:55pm

My dad is a lot like that. He’s suffering terribly with a certain problem and needs to see the doctor or go to ER, but 20 minutes later, it’s fine. He has fixations with certain things like a bump on his skin, imaginary thing in his eye, constipation (doesn’t exist). After repeated medical exams with full tests, labs, scans, we know his status. As soon as we arrive at the doctor’s office, he’s ready to go. No patience. And blames my mom and me for taking him there! Lol. There is no reasoning with him. His behavior is due to dementia. Seroquel has helped a great deal. His primary understands and has prescribed it. Without it, he’s inconsolable.

kartwk | @kartwk | Oct 8 7:18pm

In reply to @celia16 "My dad is a lot like that. He’s suffering terribly with a certain problem and needs..." + (show)

I understand, but your dad has a reason. Mine doesn't. Perhaps, though, this might be the early stages. Like your Dad, he fixtates on a bump or bruise on his skin and other things. He does have legitimate heart problems (pacemaker which he needs) and we have spent many an afternoon going to ER to have his heart checked out.