1. < Caregivers: Dementia

Dad won't let go of driving

Posted by heartyrainbow @heartyrainbow, Oct 5 5:53pm

My dad was recently diagnosed with dementia, and his doctor told him he needs to stop driving. However, he doesn't trust doctors, and he sees nothing wrong with him driving. Mom took a couple of actions so far:
- She hid his key, but he is determined to either find the key or get a new key.
- They went to get a spare key from the dealer, but she called the dealer beforehand to explain the situation so that they don't give them the key right away.

These are just temporary solutions. He will eventually find a way. Maybe get a new key himself, or maybe even get a new car!
He has been nagging my mom so much about the car it's making my mom sick, literally.
Maybe have his license revoked and sell his car? But he might still try driving my mom's car.

Please give me some ideas on where to go from here. Thank you.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

heartyrainbow | @heartyrainbow | Oct 5 11:14pm
In reply to @gingerw "@heartyrainbow My first reply disappeared. My experience is that giving up driving is one of the..." + (show)
@gingerw

@heartyrainbow My first reply disappeared. My experience is that giving up driving is one of the last vestiges of independence. It seems to affect men more than women. My mother had dementia and became fearful of everything. She stopped driving about 8 years before she passed.

My dad did not have dementia, but slowed reflexes to things. He finally realized accidents in the parking lots, and close calls on the road, were his doing. He turned his license in and sold his car at age 93. He passed at age 96.
Ginger

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Hi Ginger, thank you for re-posting your reply!
My dad still thinks nothing's wrong with his driving, and my stressed-out mom started saying she sometimes feels she just wants to hand him the key. We need to take action before something happens.

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heartyrainbow | @heartyrainbow | Oct 6 12:36am
In reply to @scottrl "Glad to help! Being disabled by a stroke, there's a lot I can't do anymore, but..." + (show)
@scottrl

Glad to help!

Being disabled by a stroke, there's a lot I can't do anymore, but I can still try and help others in different ways.

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I am sorry to hear your situation. You are definitely saving others for sure!

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1 reply
Mentor
Sue, Volunteer Mentor | @sueinmn | Oct 6 9:09am
In reply to @heartyrainbow "Thank you, Sue! It's sad to hear your mom never forgave you for getting her license..." + (show)
@heartyrainbow

Thank you, Sue! It's sad to hear your mom never forgave you for getting her license taken away. But I applaud you for being so positive about it!

I will ask attorney about the insurance. It never occurred to me that it may not cover him. Thank you for that information!

As for buying a new car, yes I was thinking you need a license, but as I do more research, I found out that you can buy a car without license if you buy it with cash. You just need some kind of ID like passport, at least in my parents' state.

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We still had a loving relationship - she only got mad when she remembered about it.

Good luck with Dad - one thing you might suggest is that Mom find a neighbor willing to be his paid chauffeur when he "wants to go" - maybe someone living on just their Social Security who might appreciate a little cash. Then he is "helping someone out" as well as giving Mom a break.

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1 reply
heartyrainbow | @heartyrainbow | Oct 6 1:58pm
In reply to @sueinmn "We still had a loving relationship - she only got mad when she remembered about it...." + (show)
@sueinmn

We still had a loving relationship - she only got mad when she remembered about it.

Good luck with Dad - one thing you might suggest is that Mom find a neighbor willing to be his paid chauffeur when he "wants to go" - maybe someone living on just their Social Security who might appreciate a little cash. Then he is "helping someone out" as well as giving Mom a break.

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That's good to hear, Sue. Perhaps your mom understands it deep inside her heart.

I like the idea of paid chauffeur. On-call neighbor driver would be a win-win-win! I will definitely suggest that to my mom.

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Scott R L | @scottrl | Oct 6 2:37pm
In reply to @heartyrainbow "I am sorry to hear your situation. You are definitely saving others for sure!" + (show)
@heartyrainbow

I am sorry to hear your situation. You are definitely saving others for sure!

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Thank you.

Another way I'm trying to help is through my YouTube Channel, "From Recovery to Discovery".

Have a look!
https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos

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1 reply
Scott R L | @scottrl | Oct 6 2:43pm
In reply to @heartyrainbow "Thank you, Sue! It's sad to hear your mom never forgave you for getting her license..." + (show)
@heartyrainbow

Thank you, Sue! It's sad to hear your mom never forgave you for getting her license taken away. But I applaud you for being so positive about it!

I will ask attorney about the insurance. It never occurred to me that it may not cover him. Thank you for that information!

As for buying a new car, yes I was thinking you need a license, but as I do more research, I found out that you can buy a car without license if you buy it with cash. You just need some kind of ID like passport, at least in my parents' state.

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I actually bought a car without a license. (Long story from about 40 years ago.)

I financed it through the dealer, too. Apparently they didn't care whether I ever drove it, just so long as I paid for it.

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1 reply
heartyrainbow | @heartyrainbow | Oct 6 3:42pm
In reply to @scottrl "I actually bought a car without a license. (Long story from about 40 years ago.) I..." + (show)
@scottrl

I actually bought a car without a license. (Long story from about 40 years ago.)

I financed it through the dealer, too. Apparently they didn't care whether I ever drove it, just so long as I paid for it.

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Thank you Scott. Good to know.
I guess it's all about money for the dealer...

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heartyrainbow | @heartyrainbow | Oct 6 3:43pm
In reply to @scottrl "Thank you. Another way I'm trying to help is through my YouTube Channel, "From Recovery to..." + (show)
@scottrl

Thank you.

Another way I'm trying to help is through my YouTube Channel, "From Recovery to Discovery".

Have a look!
https://www.youtube.com/@srlucado/videos

Jump to this post

Thank you Scott! I'll take a look.

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1995victoria | @1995victoria | Oct 7 9:19am

maybe best to unplug car battery......Hopefully he won't remember to call AAA for help.

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1 reply
gregd1956 | @gregd1956 | Oct 7 11:13am

Dear @heartyrainbow

>>> YOUR DAD… < >> ME AND PART OF @scottrl < >> HOW ABOUT MY DEMENTIA <

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