Dad won't let go of driving

What an incredibly difficult situation!

I did some digging and found some sites that might offer some help. I hope you're able to find a solution.
https://www.dementiacarecentral.com/caregiverinfo/driving-problems/
Covers legal stuff, but also has tips like Transportation Options
https://yourdementiatherapist.com/alzheimers-dementia/caregiving/driving/
Also offers Alternatives to Driving.
https://alzfdn.org/driving-and-dementia/
More info, including this helpful resource:
"AFA’s dementia-trained social workers answer questions about driving very often. Contact AFA’s Helpline at 866-232-8484 or click the chat icon in the lower right hand corner of this page."

Thank you so much Scott for doing research on this. I appreciate it!
I will look at these sites and call the Helpline.

@heartyrainbow Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. You certainly have a problem on your hands!
Does your mother continue to ride with him? She should make it very clear that she won’t accompany him and then learn how to use Uber. Here is another discussion on driving.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/no-more-driving/. Some spouses have mentioned things such as taking away license, cancelling car insurance, etc. I’ll let more members give you suggestions.
how long have you been a caregiver?

Hi Becky, thank you for the response!
I live far from my parents, so I have been supporting them remotely, especially in the last couple of months. My mom and everyone else made it clear that he should not drive, but it doesn't seem to matter to him. I have thought of taking away license and his car (my mom has her own car), but he might try getting a new car... but maybe that's the only option?

I’d get a consult with an elder law attorney and request information on your legal remedies. Sadly, sometimes the only way to get actual legal authority needed to prevent a tragedy is to get it through the courts. I’d do that before canceling any insurance.

As long as he’s licensed, insurance should cover him if wrecks. His doctor may send a notice to DMV so he must test to keep his license, but with dementia, he may drive regardless of whether he has a license. Reason and judgment go out the window.

The bottom line is that after the doctor tells him to not drive, it becomes a real liability for the family member who doesn’t prevent it. For anyone he injuries, they or their estate could sue the spouse of the driver who was told not to drive, as well as the driver. So, it’s a real liability.

It was difficult to get my dad to give up driving, but we hid the keys and refused to give them back no matter how upset he got. He occasionally says he wants his keys and I say later….but later never comes. Then he forgets about it.

There are a number ways to approach it. I hope you find one that works for your situation.

Glad to help!

Being disabled by a stroke, there's a lot I can't do anymore, but I can still try and help others in different ways.

Thank you for your input and encouragement, celia16.
That's a good point, I agree that it's better to keep the insurance just in case.
I am also afraid that he would drive even after we take it away. He is very very healthy besides dementia and very motivated to keep driving, so he might take any action he could take.
Hiding the key seems to work only temporarily, so we might need to take extreme measure, taking away car and license.

This is a horribly tough situation! My Mom never forgave me for getting her license taken by way of a professional fitness to drive assessment. But at least she didn't get injured or harm anyone else. We had to disable her vehicle to keep her from driving until we could sell it.

In most states, the doctor can order a driver's evaluation or test for anyone deemed unfit to drive. The state issues a notice to appear for testing, and takes the license if the driver does not pass.

Consult an attorney as soon as you can. Insurance may not cover him in an accident if his doctor has deemed him unfit to drive, even if he has not surrendered his license.

As for buying a new car if you sell his, he has to present a license to buy at a dealer, or at the registrar of vehicles to transfer title.

@heartyrainbow My first reply disappeared. My experience is that giving up driving is one of the last vestiges of independence. It seems to affect men more than women. My mother had dementia and became fearful of everything. She stopped driving about 8 years before she passed.

My dad did not have dementia, but slowed reflexes to things. He finally realized accidents in the parking lots, and close calls on the road, were his doing. He turned his license in and sold his car at age 93. He passed at age 96.
Ginger

Thank you, Sue! It's sad to hear your mom never forgave you for getting her license taken away. But I applaud you for being so positive about it!

I will ask attorney about the insurance. It never occurred to me that it may not cover him. Thank you for that information!

As for buying a new car, yes I was thinking you need a license, but as I do more research, I found out that you can buy a car without license if you buy it with cash. You just need some kind of ID like passport, at least in my parents' state.