Mom thinks people are stealing from her

@nhbfan

Welcome to Mayo Connect. Many in this group probably have seen similar symptoms. People with dementia may experience delusions and hallucinations. This can lead to symptoms of paranoia and cause mistrust of others. I know my grandfather had dementia and had very weird delusions and became very paranoid.

This article discusses and also gives advice on how to handle. Keep in mind the person really believes and telling them they are wrong may upset them more.

Delusions, paranoia and dementia: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/delusions

Is you mother living indepently or at care facility?

not unusual. I remember my grandfather putting a match stick in front door (on hinge side), so he would know if someone went in. He didn't have anything of value, but when people age, everything has value, even toilet paper, which seems to disappear all the time, especially during the pandemic.
Take care, stay well, don't worry, don't correct these kind of ideas, just accept, change the subject and move on.....

Paranoia is typical of people with dementia. They can't remember where things are, so someone must have taken them. My MIL would pat my young children down to make sure they weren't taking her crayons home. She had her mother's gold watch and her best bra in the basket of her walker. She was absolutely convinced that her daughter stole her loofa. That became a joke in the family. When something was missing, clearly Aunt Laurie must have taken it with the loofa. The stolen item is usually just misplaced. Considering I found a hunk of watermelon on a shelf next to the pretzels and the butter dish in a drawer with my spatulas, no telling where things are in my house.

Thanks for the replies.

I try to be mindful of her condition, but unfortunately, I often fail and argue with her. I'll keep trying.

@nhbfan
My mom had dementia as a result of strokes. She would call me on the phone saying I stole some photos . Many years before I had borrowed one of her albums to scan photos to make prints for me.. As I was looking through the album one last time before returning it I found a blank spot in the album .. one of the postage stamp size photos had been there. I told her I didn't know if it was missing before she lent me the album or I misplaced it. I would keep looking. I never found the photo and told mom I gave up and she said it was okay.

She lived with my brother at the time and when I visited them he would just set her medications .. that were on a tray .. in front of her and she took some meds. I kept trying to get my brother to put them in daily pill boxes. He never did. She would run out of meds before renewal times.

My mom came to live with me and my husband in June of 2018. With mom's medications given by us there was never another accusation of me stealing photos. Before coming to us my mom would talk of this brother and “his friends” that did not exist. They would steal her bras. One time my brother had back surgery and I spent several days and night with mom. She was crying and saying my brother’s friends took a knife and cut her gums. Mom wore dentures.. I looked in her mouth and she had and ulcer on her gum. A few days of warm salt water rinses and all was good. After she came to our home she seldom talked of them. She saw pieces of paper that weren't on the floor and other small things. She got where she would ask me if whatever she saw was real or not. She said it is hard to tell. An adjustment of one of her meds and it was a little better, but never went away.

You may need to have a talk with your mom’s doctor. An adjustment in medications may help. I cannot remember the names of my mom’s medications and what was adjusted. My mom passed away in 2020.

My prayers uplifted for you and your mom. Just remember she is still your mom.

ZeeGee

Hello! I just had to comment on the problem of someone with dementia thinking someone is stealing from them. It's very frustrating. My mom thought everyone was stealing her toothbrush. Of course, my first reaction was to ask her why on earth someone would want to steal her toothbrush!! WRONG response. That only leads to frustration for everyone. The correct response is something like this: "Well, we have to catch that thief!! I will make sure the thief goes to jail! In the meantime, I put a new toothbrush in your bathroom." Hope this helps!
Virginia

I have a very time going along with paranoia episodes. Now my husband counts his money every night as he puts his special belongings on his bedside table. I wrote the amount down, so I can show it to him if he thinks he is short.
I don't say a thing; I just show him the amount to reassure him. He feels better if he locks all the doors and checks them again. Fine. After he goes to sleep, I open our bedroom sliding glass doors for some air. It keeps the peace.

Things are getting worse. Now she thinks her house is bugged and the thieves are monitoring her 24/7

She doesn't want to talk about what's missing because they can hear.

You have my heartfelt sympathy - there are no good answers here, just coping strategies that each may work for a while. This type of paranoia is typical of some types of dementia.

When we were helping my great aunt, we got her to her doctor who placed her on meds (sorry, which one is lost in the memory bank) that eased this. This worked until she decided the doctor was "in on it" and quit the meds.

Whenever she called for help, either I took her to a local restaurant to talk about it, or my husband (often the rescuer) had her write it down so "they" couldn't hear. With a list, sometimes I was able to locate her missing items.

Please don't completely discount what she is saying; we had an elderly neighbor we kept an eye on, and it turned out a caregiver was taking some things we had to contact the (faraway) family and get her fired.

Do you think Mom can/will write down what is being taken?

Thanks for the reply. She told me once she leaves her house. Just more trivial items that nobody would want for free.