Patients "act out" when it's just you there?

Yes. I call my mom and put my dad on the phone. He’ll listen to her. He gets extremely impatient when waiting at doctor’s office, ED, etc. but he’ll listen to my mom most of the time and settle down.

YES! My MIL lives with my husband and I and she will act out with us all the time but the second she is around anyone else including her other two kids she becomes like a different person all sweet, happy and charming.

Big time!!! I really notice it with my wife when she talks to friends on the telephone. When it is just her and me at home she acts out a lot and as soon as a friend phones she turns into a totally different person. Good conversations and laughter. As soon as the call has ended, she goes right back to acting out. Supper time or near the end of the day seems to get a lot worse.

Yes, it's the same thing with my wife. A clever strategy, and surprising that she can pull it off so effectively. The fact that she is able to do this, I believe, is one big reason why other family members don't help care for her, or provide relief for the 24/7 caregiver. Although her cognitive decline and memory issues are getting worse, her mind still works quickly. If she senses she has conveyed her mental challenges in talking with relatives, she instantly changes the subject and asks questions to distract. Often the same questions she has already asked just seconds or minutes ago.

Just a thought. My husband was angry and argumentative much of the time around me. Then I learned that I was frequently correcting him, telling him he was doing something wrong, etc, instead of letting him do for himself and make mistakes. If mistakes are made I no longer give him a "what were you thinking?!!" attitude. So I have been working to change my attitude. He is my husband, not an inconvenience I live with. Instead I just don't argue back, don't constantly correct him, and when something doesn't go well, I stay calm even if it means more work for me. Things are a great deal calmer now. I remember that I do things wrong, too. I remember to be loving.

So true! I ask my mom to not correct my dad so much, but she does it anyway. Drives me up the wall. But, even so, he still listens to her more than me. Lol. Go figure.

I’m inspired by your message. It is incredibly frustrating to expect or even try to change a loved one without cognitive decline so, naturally trying to argue logistically or even emotionally with a loved one with dementia/ Alzheimer’s is useless. Arguing and correcting always seems to accelerate situations- I agree with you, it is much calmer when I let it go. Thank you 🙏🏽 for sharing and the reminder.

@chris20, YES! I have the same situation, my husband is completely obstreperous with me, won't relax his foot so I can put on a shoe, won't let me wipe the food off his face ( slaps my hand away) and I tell his Neuro these things but at the office, my husband is all smiles and little chuckles. He doesn't really speak due to severe aphasia but he can totally fake a conversation for a minute. Doc: "How are you Tim?" Tim: "GREAT!"(big grin) Doc: "Any changes? Are you having any issues?" Tim: "NOPE! All good!" now if he had to say more, he can't. But it's fascinating! It's on purpose. If anyone had to spend 30 minutes with him, they'd figure out he's masking. I think it's a sign of overall intelligence that they understand when to "be good". For you, hire help, take breaks, look into respite care, be good to yourself!

I have the same situation here. Doctors have no idea how bad it is because he tells them he's doing "very well, much better" even though his chronic pain is getting worse. He says he wants to be the "model patient and make the Doctors proud of me". I tell Doctors, family, friends what I'm experiencing but I worry they think I'm exaggerating. They can see the confusion but not the really bad times. It's so frustrating!

Oh wow 😮 same with my husband. We are now arranging for help to come in several times a week, and as mentioned in a separate post, we are now seeing the neurologist, a psychiatrist and a counselor. The neurologist is not as helpful with the “bad behavior” as the psychiatrist and counselor. They are the ones keeping ME sane.