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Retract a Book Recommendation

Posted by billiekip @billiekip, Aug 22 6:49pm

I learned a valuable lesson. Never recommend a book until you have read it from cover to cover. I recommended Slow Dancing with a Stranger by Meryl Comer which is very well written and really an excellent book for insight on walking the walk with an ALZ spouse. Why I am retracting the title is because it is so frightening. Her husband had early onset ALZ . He became violent to the point that facilities wouldn't take him on as a patient, and she often feared for her life. ALZ is an umbrella term, and each patient is different. I can't imagine living in a state of confusion, let alone confusion with the addition of rage. I will say that the book put a new perspective on my own situation. My husband is confused and doesn't know my name, but he isn't violent and intense. Relative to Meryl's situation, I have
it easy.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

jehjeh | @jehjeh | Aug 23 12:56pm

I just finished the book after reading that you and others recommended it.

I'm so glad I did!

My husband has been in and out of hospitals and skilled nursing facilities numerous times in the past 5 years for various reasons. He always suffers from delirium in the hospital. Once, becoming violent and requiring restraints.
He even kicked an aid in skilled nursing when he fell and became confused in the night. None of us recognized the extent of his dementia at the time.

Please don't apologize for your recommendation. I fear that her story may one day be mine and I appreciate her honesty about how hard it was. I wouldn't be able to keep my husband at home the way she did but some of her tips may one day be useful.

Blessings,.
jeh

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billiekip | @billiekip | Aug 25 10:13am

Slow Dancing with a Stranger by Meryle Comer isn't a book for everyone. It blew my mind. Not only did she care for her violent husband at home for 20 years, her mother also had ALZ and Meryl added her to the mix. She was asked," Are you doing what you do for your husband out of love or because it is the right thing to do?" Another asked," Can you have true intimacy with another human being without shared memories? Memories warm us. Separated from our memories, good or bad, who are we?" This isn't a book to read if you are feeling fragile, but it is a testament to the human spirit and what one woman was capable of doing. It will bring up deep questions you may have thought about but not confronted. I don't aspire to be able to do what she has done. I am not cut from the same cloth.

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wmc | @wmc | Aug 26 12:47pm

I read the book after seeing your recommendation, thank you so much. It is an eye opener, I now know what might be in our future for us. I believe we should approach this disease with knowledge and understanding. My husband was diagnosed with Dementia and he’s in denial, this is another tool in my toolbox.

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Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Sep 9 7:21pm
In reply to @wmc "I read the book after seeing your recommendation, thank you so much. It is an eye..." + (show)
@wmc

I read the book after seeing your recommendation, thank you so much. It is an eye opener, I now know what might be in our future for us. I believe we should approach this disease with knowledge and understanding. My husband was diagnosed with Dementia and he’s in denial, this is another tool in my toolbox.

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Welcome, @wmc. Denial is such a common and understandable response, but hard to deal with. You may appreciate these related discussions:

- Denial of MCI - how does spouse/caregiver cope?
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/denial-of-mci-how-does-spousecaregiver-cope/
- Do most dementia patients suffer from denial? (Anosognosia)
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/denial-about-dementia/
How are YOU doing?

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