Aren't you tired of living and waiting for things to get better?

A few months ago I was. The medication I took for prostate cancer not only caused depression but broke my sexual function. I was so ready to just throw in the towel, as you can see if you read some of my early postings on the Mayo forums.

But I didn't and I'm still here working toward SOMETHING, I don't know what. I'm in my 60s and still don't have life figured out. The dirty little secret I learned is that a lot of us are completely clueless about why we're here, what we're supposed to be doing, etc. So there is some comfort for you, I hope, in knowing that you're not alone.

A lot of people will give you giant ideas--do volunteer work, run 20 miles, etc. I won't tell you that. I will tell you to find something really small and manageable that you can do TODAY. Pat a dog on the head. Look at a tree--REALLY look at it and how amazing it is. Make yourself a cup of tea (or iced tea depending where you live) and savor it. Nothing huge. Just SOMETHING other than sad thoughts for even a couple minutes. Try the same thing again tomorrow. When you're up to it, then move on to something medium-small like going for a short walk. Etc.

I appreciate hearing from you again, @drteddy. I'm glad that you found the Loss and Grief discussion page, and that you were able to post there as well. As you keep telling your son's story, it will help you adjust to this new normal in your family.

I wish you and your family peace as you plan for your son's celebration of life later this month. I believe that the memories of your relationship with your son, will bring you comfort.

Well Happy Birthday Merle @wisner. I'm not sure I want to live to be 91. I hope you have a great one! Thanks for the comment.

I like the way you phrase things. In my support groups we have discussed these things extensively. Yes, definitely try to get enthusiastic about the little things...the night sky, the birds in the backyard. A good hot dog, a funny comedy bit.

scottbeammeup, you have hit it just right! If you suddenly realize you don’t have any purpose or don’t know what it is, start at the beginning by just learning to appreciate the amazing things around us. It will build. I gripe and moan and hit the depths of dispair some days, but when I can do one nice thing for someone, a smile, a compliment, an extra tip to the delivery person, I know it helps them and makes me smile. I started giving my mailman a bottle of water and cold paper towel during the hot spell. I felt like I had done something for another human and helped me more than him.

988 is a hotline for people who have feelings of not wanting to go on. It’s 24/7 and you don’t have to give your name.

If youre not familiar with the Program Grief Share, please consider looking at it.
Its for anyone who has lost a Beloved.
In our class there were all different losses: drugs, old age, cancer, kids, etc.
Its a great SAFE place to be with others who are grieving. I highly recommend it. I will probably go thru it again.
Blessings to you.

How do you connect with "Grief Share?"
K

I lost my husband after a 62 year relationship. It has been very difficult and I am still not reconciled to his loss. I do not have a support system. I do not have a large circle of friends and never will. In three weeks I will turn 90 years old. I am in good shape for being such an old lady. I live in our home. I have a housekeeper once every three weeks. I have no problem driving so can take myself everywhere I need to go. Yes, I have had grief therapy. During this therapy I was diagnosed with PTSD due to child abuse. Lots of those scars never go away. So my decision has been to just stay the way I am. It does not bring me great happiness, but on the other hand it does not bring me additional grief. As I enter my 90th decade there are only a few years left to live anyway. So I decided I needed to do the best for me. And that is to live quietly in my home. To stop hurting myself by trying to find friends. Since I made that decision I am calmer.

Hey thisismarilynb, sorry for your loss - I can't imagine your feelings with losing another part of your life, being your spouse. Thank goodness you had some grief counseling, some more would not hurt you. I am 68 years old and a retired nurse, who lives in an ALF as I am disabled. I have been happily divorced since the age of 30, unfortunately, I grew up, and he did not. You had mentioned you do not have many friends. I never did either - but is just the way I am. I am in remission for brain cancer - it has just been five years free - yeahoo! My oncologist has saved my life once, and I figure if it returns - he can do it again. LOL.