My dad has a mass on bladder and kidney not functioning

Hello! Sweet friends who helped me through my dads bladder cancer journey- im looking to hook up my daughter in laws father who has bladder cancer with a support group to help him work through questions and just support along his jourrney. He has had many scrapings and is at the point of bladder removal. Oct 1. His sweet daughter( my daughter in law) is looking to support and help him all she can. I gave her a book i made up for my dad i researched lots of stuff and passed it on to her- Is there a direction i can send her?
A quick update- i have moved mom in with me- she has dementia not offically diagnosed yet its very apparent. Getting worse. Think im gonna have to find a group for me too! Love to you all and and thanks for your replys in advance

About six months ago, At 82, I was diagnosed with inoperable bladder cancer, and a mass of cancer was blocking one kidney. The Mayo Clinic sent me home for other treatment. The VA authorized immunotherapy treatment at a local clinic. I terminated that treatment after 4 months because it took away all quality of life, couldn't eat, fatigued beyond words, etc. In my opinion, chemo is probably good for younger people, but maybe not for us older folks. I've not had treatments for about a month, and I'm starting to feel alive again. Maybe my time is short here on Earth, but at least enjoyable for a while.

I wish all cancer patients the best of luck.

I understand!
I watched my dad fight so hard to beat it with all the latest Things and was exhausted. So my heart tends to be with your decision. He began with prostate which was later deemed “cured” but in my opinion the pointed radiation he had probably just spread it. He too started by his kidney- eneded up getting it removed then it went to his bladder -got that removed had chemo -pic lines - bladder washes- and keytruda finished off his other kidney but the cancer had spread to other organs nearby so he was left with no choice. I know my dad’s desire to live pushed him on and who doesn't it. But it deals a blow to your body and quality of life for sure-through it all. I feel like its definitely a personal decision and my heart is with you- after watching my dad go through it-if i get cancer im not sure i would fight like that- i think would just work on myself -being grateful for every morning i wake up and the next breath and live out what the Good Lord gives me. I so loved my dad! And miss him dearly he was 76 when he passed in 2020 from the cancer- he took care of his dad whom had Alzheimers till he was 96. Couldnt understand why he wasn't going to live as long.* Everyones uniquely made as God made you -with different lives lived. We Live how we choose, till we are called home. And Praise God Our home is with Him and this place isn't it!!! My Love to you sir for having to make this hard decision know your not in it alone -ill be lifting you up to the one and only unchanging Rock to hold onto through this and every trial we are handed in life- our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ! Everyones Life journey is unique. Thank you for your point of view! ❤️

Formydad,

Hi, and thanks so much for your well-written letter, the kind uplifting remarks, etc. In my opinion, Immunotherapy may be good for younger cancer patients, but, not so much for us older folks. My kids are a little upset with the fact I quit the treatments, but they are honoring my wishes. I am now taking the holistic approach, 2000MG of Fenben daily, vitamins, etc. Since quitting the treatments a month ago, I've gained ten pounds, and some energy. Bless you and your family!

What matters is your wishes, and how wonderful that your children are honoring those! As a daughter too i understand! Ill be lifting you up! So glad to hear your gaining weight! And just plain having energy has got to feel wonderful! Ill be Praying for you on your journey! God bless you and your family as well!

@formydad, welcome back, although I'm sorry about the circumstances that brought you back to Mayo Clinic Connect.

Please let your daughter-in-law know that there is a support group dedicated to bladder cancer here:
- Bladder Cancer support group: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/bladder-cancer/

The discussions include several very helpful discussions about bladder removal and more. I bet the book you assembled during your father's journey and all the research you did is being very helpful for her. I hope she joins the discussions if she has questions or needs support.

Additionally, there is a group dedicated to caregivers for people caring for someone living with dementia here:
- Caregivers: Dementia Support Group https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/caregivers-dementia/

You'll find plenty of support and helpful members in the group.

Yes! Thank you im so blessed to have found you all back then and im very grateful to be able to pass all the love, comfort, support- ideas direction-suggestions and just knowing that your not alone going through it and that everyone has their journey to go through but its so nice to have a place to go to talk to some one anyone! 🙂 im for sure looking into the dementia support group - I am so exhausted day in n out and im sure its not even that bad yet… i will pass on the other sites as well! Thank you so much for the links!

I'm age 82, and diagnosed with bladder cancer about six months ago, and just terminated my immunotherapy treatment after five months of misery. After a month, I'm starting to feel much better. I'm now under Hospice care and have no regrets on terminiting those weekly treatments. The horrendous cost of those treatments is mind boggling, but thankfully, I have good insurances, plus VA Health Care. For me, the immunotherapy was not worth the few extra months of life.

I have never smoked in my life!

I completely understand. Good luck and wishing you peaceful days ahead.