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Introductions: Are you caring for someone with dementia?
My mother-in-law (MIL) had what was finally determined to be frontal temporal dementia. She had the disease from her 60s until she passed away at 86. My wife was especially involved in her mom's caregiving due to some serious denial in other family members and a GP who refused to diagnose, even when significant deficits were obvious (mistaking the UPS deliveryman for her husband and not knowing the difference between roads and sidewalks). The most unfortunate result of this, to me, was the lost time when my MIL and her family could have been having meaningful and important discussions about significant matters of importance to her and them.
In my wife's years of fighting her brain cancer, she, too, exhibited many of the aspects of mental degradation and physical losses one would affiliate with a dementia patient.
As an aside, for several years I worked for the national Alzheimer's Association raising money for their research programs nationwide.
I wish everyone struggling with this disease and their caregivers and families strength and peace.
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KMKM, So nice to get such a detailed update. What a blessing for your daughter's wedding. Thank goodness for such a helpful community of people to help with your mom so that you could the mother of the bride.
I have a couple of ideas for activities for your mom. Keep in mind this is just a brainstorm, not tried and tested ideas. It seems like she likes to organize. She might catch on that things like organizing the cards is a make work project. Perhaps you can gather a bunch of new "organizing" tasks to rotate through. Here are some things that came to mind:
- Sorting the utensils from the dishwasher into the utensil tray (providing the tray or drawer is removable to do at a table if she can't do it from the dishwasher
- Cutting 8x11 size scrap paper into strips to make a notepad for grocery lists
- sorting miscellaneous objects of a "junk" drawer or cupboard (doesn't everyone have a drawer like that 😉
- matching socks from the drying
Maybe that's a few things to get the ideas flowing. Who has some ideas to add?
Colleen, thank you for your reply and encouragement. I like all your ideas! I have tried the organizing utensils and matching socks ideas before. What tends to happen is that she gets discouraged and gives up, or gets easily distracted, then walks away and forgets what she was doing. Part of the issue may be that there are too many objects to organize--I should give her smaller amounts to work with. My issue is mainly feeling discouraged and resentful that I have to constantly find ways to keep my mom busy. It reminds me so much of having to parent a 2 or 3 yr. old....but it was more fun when I was parenting my children; and it's not fun at all parenting my mom....I know my attitude has so much to do with how we will get through this. Thanks for having this space for me to learn..and vent.
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2 ReactionsHi kmkm, I care for my sister who is older than I. Here’s some ideas that work for her:treat her like a guest (come on in here and have a seat. Would you like a cup of tea)
Invite her to do what you are doing. ( let’s go water the porch plants. Help me here, I’m folding laundry. Let’s stop and take a rest and watch ...... on Recorded TV) She always accepts the invite but doesn’t always get there in time to do the task bc it takes her a while or she forgets what we will be doing and just watches me.
It keeps her moving throughout the day. Often she will name household chores to do that I don’t want to do so I say I just did that a couple days ago but please help me get this stuff out for recycle. (That one she turns away from, smile).
It turns into a game for me. We do have a small house which helps a lot. My husband can calm her down with 3rd class mail to look through. He’ll say just make a pile of what you’re finished with. She looks through catalogues and AARP publications and sometimes makes a pile (wink). She fills in the squares of Sudoku puzzles with random numbers.
Everyone is different so you have to find what clicks in your Mom’s brain. My tasks might not work for you. One other thing is that I stay away from anything where I could get frustrated... like having help me make a bed ....disaster. Remembering you.
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1 ReactionHas anyone in this grouped experienced a family member having vascular dementia?
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1 ReactionHello @ksdrwelch I am Scott and while my wife did not have diagnosed vascular dementia, she had many of the symptoms of it due to her brain tumor.
It is good to see you found Connect and I am willing to be you will be able to find support and suggestions here. It is a great community!
I was my wife's primary caregiver for her during her 14+ year war. Do you have any specific questions you are seeking answers on?
Strength, courage, and peace
My mother had vascular dementia. When she had her first mini stroke, health professionals didn't know that these strokes tend to spread to other parts of the brain. According to my mother's primary care physician, her ongoing mini-strokes added up to Alzheimer's. Being her daughter and family caregiver became increasingly difficult.
Yes, my husband has vascular dementia with alzheimer's disease. What questions do you have?
My MIL age 78 has Alzheimer's and is in an assisted living home ( Alzheimer's side). She has fallen several times and is now in a wheelchair.
She fell again this morning in the bathroom and is now in the ER.
My question (s) is ( are) :
Should her children look at seeing if the falls are from the disease or possible strokes?
What are other types of facilities are available as this disease progresses?
She does not get any physical or occupational therapy at this new place ( Arbor Terrace Morris Plains NJ), is that usual?
The facility suggested getting her an aide - are there specific nursing homes for Alzheimer's patients? How do I find them and secondly how do I know the level and quality of care that they offer?
I'm the daughter in law and my opinions don't always matter to my brother in law or sister in law even though I have friends who have gone through this with their parents. My husband does value what I say but his sister thinks she knows everything & she doesn't share pertinent information with my husband. My brother in law tries to but his position requires international travel quite often. My husbands sister lives in CT and we are 15 minutes from the assisted living facility. Very complicated to say the least. Any advice that I can share with my husband would greatly be appreciated.
Her strain of this disease seems very aggressive - moving quickly to say the least.
Thank you in advance for your advice and support.
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1 ReactionUnfortunately many Alzheimer's patients over time develop balance issues. I would request reevaluation from Doctor. It may be time to leave Assisted Living for a more supervised, structured environment. Hiring an aide may be more expensive than moving to a different facility. PT may be available in hospital & for a limited time thereafter, but usually insurance doesn't cover PT exclusively for Alzheimer's. All you can do as a sister-in-law is to talk to your husband & offer suggestions or resources. Peace and courage!
I'd like to join this group.