Guilty from getting angry at mom

Posted by nhbfan @nhbfan, Aug 20 2:26am

I know I shouldn't argue. I let my frustration get the best of me, then I feel like a total failure. It almost feels like bullying.

I try to be mindful every day, but most days I fail.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Caregivers: Dementia Support Group.

Don't feel bad, it is hard to remember that our loved ones are really ill. As time goes on, you will remember and just change the subject, accept the things you cannot change, and change the things you can, and be kind to yourself in the journey

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I can fully understand as I am right there with you. Some days I think my wife is going to drive me insane as all I hear are complaints and how mean I am and how can she get out of here. Some days I just go out to the garden to get some peace and solitude and then try to start the day all over again. I appreciate suggestions and support from participating in these communications and I try to read others comments everyday. To top things off yesterday, my clinic doctor (no family doctors available) rips my face off over the telephone as my blood test was bad and he accused me of making changes to my medications He finished up by telling me he was off on vacation until Sept 16th. I felt like I was getting it from both ends and lost my cool. After a couple of hours to get things together again following supper and a bit of TV we both went to our seperate bedrooms and got to sleep until the usual 4am wake up for my wife to go to the bathroom. "I don't know what to do?"is her comment. I get up to stay with her until she gets back to bed. Thanks for letting me unload but always remember you are not alone. We learn as we go along lifes way.

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What frustrates me is the simplest activities have multiple layers.

Can’t go through a drive thru and order a burger and fries … have to do a cost analysis of the entire menu.

Doing laundry is a multi step process down to a science.

Nothing is easy

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Oh my, I was only on of several caregivers, 2-3 days a week, and dealing mostly with physical woes and some stroke deficits, but had some of these issues too
I'll tackle the drive-thru issue - my Mom would only go to one local McDonald's for her Fish sandwiches - she was convinced they had the lowest price, and other (closer) ones were higher. I wish there had been "order ahead" back then - I resorted to "the drive-up line is too long, I'll go inside and grab it."
Now I would order using the app - if you do it on your tablet she can look over menu/prices as long as she wants. Or print the menu and let her choose at home then order on the app. Just pick it up when you arrive.

Yes, laundry was an issue with my Mom - I finally let her do all the prep and left the room, then just turned the machine on the correct cycle when she was ready. She insisted on fabric softener, so I filled a dispensing ball with much-diluted softener to keep her happy. Can you do something like that with your Mom?

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My wife also had a bladder issue. She doesn't get a nerve signal that she needs to go to the restroom. SO I do a lot of washings. Then she refuses to get any pads to wear and wants me to go get one for her. I lose my temper and feel guilty. But I've found I can go look in a mirror and talk to myself to cure my temper. I smile at myself and repeat that she doesn't know what she is really doing. And I forgive myself. The talking really helps me calm down and regain my perspective. Just like acting out a roll while talking and smiling at myself. You might try this and see if it helps get rid of some of the guilt.

You not alone with these feelings! I wish you lots of good feelings!

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@elsmore

I can fully understand as I am right there with you. Some days I think my wife is going to drive me insane as all I hear are complaints and how mean I am and how can she get out of here. Some days I just go out to the garden to get some peace and solitude and then try to start the day all over again. I appreciate suggestions and support from participating in these communications and I try to read others comments everyday. To top things off yesterday, my clinic doctor (no family doctors available) rips my face off over the telephone as my blood test was bad and he accused me of making changes to my medications He finished up by telling me he was off on vacation until Sept 16th. I felt like I was getting it from both ends and lost my cool. After a couple of hours to get things together again following supper and a bit of TV we both went to our seperate bedrooms and got to sleep until the usual 4am wake up for my wife to go to the bathroom. "I don't know what to do?"is her comment. I get up to stay with her until she gets back to bed. Thanks for letting me unload but always remember you are not alone. We learn as we go along lifes way.

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I sooo get it. We're not as far into the journey as you and your wife, but the complaints, the being told what's wrong is just driving me crazy, too. It's nearly impossible to remember that it's the disease, and not the person. How I miss my husband!! It feels good to unload sometimes.

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Things are actually a little better now. Her condition seems to wax and wane. Somedays she's considerably less confused than others.

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I, too, am growing weary of the anger and complaining. It can be a minor thing that most of us wouldn't give a second thought but the swearing under his breath and complaints to me are getting old. It can go on for hours. If the phone rings and it's his family or friends, he has a great conversation with no sign he was upset about anything. I love this site because you all get it. I'm the only one who sees him in the bad moments. (Or bad days, weeks..)

Thanks for letting me vent here.

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@goodold

My wife also had a bladder issue. She doesn't get a nerve signal that she needs to go to the restroom. SO I do a lot of washings. Then she refuses to get any pads to wear and wants me to go get one for her. I lose my temper and feel guilty. But I've found I can go look in a mirror and talk to myself to cure my temper. I smile at myself and repeat that she doesn't know what she is really doing. And I forgive myself. The talking really helps me calm down and regain my perspective. Just like acting out a roll while talking and smiling at myself. You might try this and see if it helps get rid of some of the guilt.

You not alone with these feelings! I wish you lots of good feelings!

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online, order sample package of BECAUSE, and cancel when received. They look like underpants, but do the job. And if she likes you can always order more.

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