Time for Memory Care

Three of them came. One asked me most of the questions about him. Another gave him a short verbal cognitive exam. I have decided to move forward with placing him in Memory care. The hardest part has been making the decision. Now that I have made it, it feels right. He's going this coming Wednesday! He will be safe and taken care of by people who are trained to give this kind of care. There is music playing all the time, and many activities. Most importantly there will be a routine, which will put him at ease. I can see him anytime, and I can take him on outings anytime I want. They suggest I wait 2 weeks though, in order for him to establish a routine.

@cmk1952
Ohmygosh! I could have written your previous post. We are using Visiting Angel's with limited success. We framed it as help around the house that he has been encouraging me to get. So now he thinks of them as housekeepers. I stress the things they can do for him as well. He seems receptive at the time but when they are here he just wants them to dust or vacuum.

In 2 months we have had only 3 visits because he's had bad days and doesn't want anyone else in our home.

I've been very pleased with the caregivers we've met. My husband, like yours, needs me next to him at all times. I'll tell him I'm going to the bathroom and he's calling out to me before I can get there. Forget leaving the house though this was my initial reason for getting help.

I also get "do you still love me?" Daily. Or accusations of having a boyfriend.

Does anyone else deal with this? How do you respond? I'm reassuring at first but if it goes on for hours, or days, I get angry and try to avoid talking to him. I worry I'll lose my temper and say things I'll regret. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I know he believes this when he says it and his heart is breaking. 😞

It sounds like we are traveling in the same footsteps. We have had some things happen in our home that could have led to a very dangerous situation as well and feel the only answer is memory care. I just don’t know how I will take him there and be able to walk away. The thought of it gives me a lot of anxiety. Yet I know that it will have to happen eventually. My oldest son feels that I still have a lot of life to live and should be able to live it rather than take on “dads” illness as my own. My younger son feels I should get in-home care first. But what advantage is there to having him adjust to in-home care first and then adjust again to a memory care facility? It feels like postponing the inevitable. I also don’t think in-home care would help much because they cannot be there 24/7 and he acts worse when no one else is around -
(though he is starting to show more agitation with others as well). I think he just doesn’t feel well more and more of the time because of his Parkinson’s. Very sad to be cursed with PD AND dementia. I hope we will get better answers at his next doctors appt.

This is very helpful - I am very close to making this same decision - I need to in order to keep my sanity.

Today, my husband is having hernia surgery. My plan is he will be transported to memory care for recovery. I have hired nursing aids to be with him 24 hours a day until Monday to help him ease into it and not be such a burden to the memory care staff. This is breaking my heart, but it will be the best thing for both of us.

This sounds like a very good plan - you are doing the right thing. Hugs to you.

My husband’s surgery was Friday; he was to be transferred to memory care after the surgery with a private pay caretaker 24 hours a day until Monday night.
The doctor decided to keep him overnight due to his pain level, age, and confusion.
Yesterday, he was quickly transferred to memory care and met by the private caretaker. They did call me, and I spoke to him; I told him I was taking care of my health issue and would “see him soon.”
Later, I received a call from the caretaker agency stating that he had hit the caretaker on the arm with a belt!!! She did finish her shift.
I knew he would be difficult, but nothing really prepares you for reality.
It’s 4:00 am, and I’m not looking forward to what today will bring!

I am so sorry- I know how hard this is for you.
My husband tried to push the nurses away last night and they called security. It was not a fun evening.
Be strong - hugs to you!

I'm so sorry this is so difficult. These are the things I expect will happen when it's time to move hubby to memory care/assisted living. With my father, years ago, Dr. prescribed anti anxiety meds just briefly after the move. This calmed him and he was able to start enjoying the new plaand people. We paid for physical therapy 2-3 times per week just so he would have that social interaction. He would often visit the gym to watch others doing their pt. He loved his physical therapist.

I'm hoping your situation will improve with a little time but I know it's heart wrenching at first.

I am looking for an Assisted-living, and Memory Care facility for myself.

I have early-mid Alzheimer’s dementia diagnosed by MRI, MRA, PET, EEG, and psycho Neuro test.
More than 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment. I’m telling you all this because people frustrate me when they say things like, ‘you sound and look normal’…

Anyway, to those of you who have found a good place for your loved one, how did you start looking for a place. How did you decide where they would do well.

Cost is a huge factor! I need a Medicaid accepted place after my funds run out. It seems those are the least appealing…

Any help is appreciated.
Thanks