1. < Caregivers: Dementia

I feel like start running and not look back!

Posted by mariana739 @mariana739, Aug 10 5:39pm

Hello,
I haven't been back here for a while. Today is been a bad day seeing my husband behavior. He was diagnosed with MCD on Jan 2023, he’s been taking the pills since then, I never expected the pills to do a significant change BTW, his memory has gotten worse but it's not that what is driving me mad.
He spends all his waking hours, which sometimes go until 1-2am, working outside in the yard (this is AZ, 3 digits heat now) on his "projects". The problem is those projects always result in leaving the yard worse than it was, look at the photos. These are from the latest one: a water feature he was going to built among the retaining wall rocks. The first one is from when I thought he was finished with it, is nothing like you'd expect a water feature to be but I thought thanks God he’s done with it. The second photo is from today when he’s undone all that and he keeps digging
around for what? I don't know. Then he’s breaking the cement on the border of the patio bricks, if I ask why he draws a blank.
Selling the house would be the only way to get money in the event he lives long enough for the disease to get to the last stage and I won't accept to be his only caregiver since we have no family to rely on. I feel so stressed thinking how his doing will decrease the value of the house.
What can I do?

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cheryl16 | @cheryl16 | Aug 12 4:38pm

I hate to be the hard ass but this is not healthy and dangerous for him doing physical work at 80 in the Arizona heat and clearly driving you crazy and you say you have no one else to rely on, so I respectfully wonder…time to get him into the air conditioning and into memory care.

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1 reply
mariana739 | @mariana739 | Aug 12 6:34pm
In reply to @cheryl16 "I hate to be the hard ass but this is not healthy and dangerous for him..." + (show)
@cheryl16

I hate to be the hard ass but this is not healthy and dangerous for him doing physical work at 80 in the Arizona heat and clearly driving you crazy and you say you have no one else to rely on, so I respectfully wonder…time to get him into the air conditioning and into memory care.

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Hi and thanks for your understanding. I agree with you 100% it scares me to death when I see him on a ladder or worst climbing the rocks.
Tomorrow he has an appointment for a new evaluation with a different neurologist. The first one from one year ago was a waste of time. So, right now I'm preparing the notes to pass on to the doctor who is going to run the tests before he sees him, I'm hoping he will be able to give me a better idea of where he is at in the disease and some guidance.

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1 reply
mariana739 | @mariana739 | Aug 12 6:40pm
In reply to @billiekip "I have to ask. Is your husband an Aries? No telling them what to do, how..." + (show)
@billiekip

I have to ask. Is your husband an Aries? No telling them what to do, how to do it...never has been. I'm a Sag and just want everyone to have fun and get along which worked for us for a long time. Now that the tables are turned and m my husband has ALZ, no longer my rock, the dynamics have turned. I don't want to be in charge, or do the "man jobs" or take care of money or make major decisions. But guess what, I have to. I'm sorry you don't have better memories to lean on, that makes your position all that much harder. All you can do is look for a win for the day regardless of what that means to you. Seeing hummingbirds feed at my flowers is a win for me. I just had 4 friends drive up to have lunch with me and my cup is filled for a long time. Reach out and gather in psychic income as my mother called it. Find ways to fill your cup to keep you going. The clock is ticking for all of us. Make the most of it the best way you can. You matter.

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Nope he’s a Scorpio. But a lot of those traits you mention apply to him actually. I'm a Libra and a freak when it comes to keeping things in order in my environment so you can imagine the clash between us.
I truly appreciate your understanding, and your advice about finding something to fill my cup every day. Take care you too..

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mariana739 | @mariana739 | Aug 12 6:41pm
In reply to @randywhite "Caregiver is a word I’m getting used to -with difficulty. Easy so far but tougher times..." + (show)
@randywhite

Caregiver is a word I’m getting used to -with difficulty. Easy so far but tougher times coming. Making the best of this ‘light duty’ time associated with MCI spouse.
One thing I recently read from a Volunteers of America book is associated with ‘caregivers moral injury’. Those words meant nothing to me before I read the testimony of this one contributor. I have attached it for your edification.
Randy.

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Hi Randy,
Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't see any attachments to your post?
I'm interested in reading it. Thanks!

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2 replies
cheryl16 | @cheryl16 | Aug 12 9:03pm
In reply to @mariana739 "Hi and thanks for your understanding. I agree with you 100% it scares me to death..." + (show)
@mariana739

Hi and thanks for your understanding. I agree with you 100% it scares me to death when I see him on a ladder or worst climbing the rocks.
Tomorrow he has an appointment for a new evaluation with a different neurologist. The first one from one year ago was a waste of time. So, right now I'm preparing the notes to pass on to the doctor who is going to run the tests before he sees him, I'm hoping he will be able to give me a better idea of where he is at in the disease and some guidance.

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Mariana,
Truly my heart goes out to you.
I hope you have a good experience with your new neurologist and that the disease has not progressed too dramatically.
And if it hasn’t, I hope that you can find a way to keep him and (your house) safe.
Good luck tomorrow!

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1 reply
mariana739 | @mariana739 | Aug 12 9:23pm
In reply to @cheryl16 "Mariana, Truly my heart goes out to you. I hope you have a good experience with..." + (show)
@cheryl16

Mariana,
Truly my heart goes out to you.
I hope you have a good experience with your new neurologist and that the disease has not progressed too dramatically.
And if it hasn’t, I hope that you can find a way to keep him and (your house) safe.
Good luck tomorrow!

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Thank you!

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randywhite | @randywhite | Aug 12 10:01pm
In reply to @mariana739 "Hi Randy, Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't see any attachments to your..." + (show)
@mariana739

Hi Randy,
Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't see any attachments to your post?
I'm interested in reading it. Thanks!

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File was too large. I’ll try shrinking and load the file again tomorrow.

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randywhite | @randywhite | Aug 13 7:06am
In reply to @mariana739 "Hi Randy, Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't see any attachments to your..." + (show)
@mariana739

Hi Randy,
Thanks for taking the time to answer. I don't see any attachments to your post?
I'm interested in reading it. Thanks!

Jump to this post

This file version may work for viewing. It’s a bit awkward with partial pages but should be readable.

Shared files

Moral Injury Caregivers (Moral-Injury-Caregivers.pdf)

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4 replies
jehjeh | @jehjeh | Aug 13 8:25am
In reply to @randywhite "This file version may work for viewing. It’s a bit awkward with partial pages but should..." + (show)
@randywhite

This file version may work for viewing. It’s a bit awkward with partial pages but should be readable.

Jump to this post

Thank you for sharing this. What is the title of the book this co m es from? I'm interested in reading more.

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