Meet fellow Caregivers - Introduce yourself

Hello @gigi76. I am Scott and I am sorry to hear about your husband's medical condition. Here you will find a pretty wide variety of caregivers, family, and friends of lots of ages. For instance my mother-in-law was in her 50s when she was diagnosed and I spent 14 years as the caregiver for my wife while I was 50 to 64. This said, there is not a group based on age. It seems many of the things caregivers go through are not dependent on age either of the patient or the caregivers.

I hope you can find help and support here as have so many!

Peace and strength,

Hi. My name is Heidi and I care for my elderly mother who is blind and has COPD. She is on oxygen 24 hours. I had a special childhood thanks to her and I truly feel I am returning the favor to her by helping her on a daily basis. However, I know no other caregivers. It can feel isolating. Looking forward to meeting other caregivers on this forum.

Heidi, you're such a good daughter to give back to your mom. I was a caregiver for my dad his last few years. My mom helped him some and he lived at home with her, but she wasn't such a great companion at giving of herself and , frankly, she got on his nerves. I'm writing to you because my dad was practically blind and also had copd. I promise you, it is hard, but rewarding. I had so much fun with my dad as he got older and I loved him and respected him. He was an Iwo Jima Marine. I'm assuming you live with your mom? If so, then I know you have to wear lots of hats and maybe you don't get much outside help. You have to take care of yourself. If you're not getting a break and coming up for air, it gets to be overwhelming. And don't try to be a perfectionist. You don't have to. Just take one day at a time. Do the best you can and know that's a good way to live. And when the day comes and hour job is done, you'll not feel guilty, knowing you did the best you could. I say this all to you, because after my dad died 4 years ago, 2 years. Later, my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Here I am being a caregiver all over again. We are Christian and decided from day one to live 1 day at time, do our best and not let it get us down. He's doing well, but I know it'll change and be very hard. But I have to be at my best and try to be uplifted. So, take care of your friends, ask for help and know you've been given a difficult job, but s rewarding one. God bless.. write me any time. Christy

shortshot80 (Nancy) Heidi, What ever County in( I'm sure.). every state. You can call them and perhaps someone can step in, once or twiice a week, or perhaps couple hours a day. Especially if you are living with your mom..or she with you.My husband of 66 year needs someone to help, fortunately our oldest son has moved in with us. Another son steps in to take the oldest couple times a month. We also have a County nurse who comes once a month to help my husband and his medical items. I am still able to cook some, but I have been diagnosis with two types of lung cancer. One side I've started radiation on today. Have four more sessions over the next two weeks. Heidi make some calls, there are resources out there. Nancy

@shortshot80 Hi Nancy, thanks for those encouraging words and practical suggestions. You have a good handle on asking for help. I'm glad that you passed the word along. Best wishes for a good weekend. Teresa

Hi there,
My name is Monika and I'm definitely more of a health care "manager" than caregiver because we have 24hr care for my dad (81) in his home. He has Parkinson's and dementia and after he broke his hip and had surgery, he suffered a rapid decline. He is in bed approximately 21 hours per day. We had to create an environment for him to live downstairs ie. Wet room, accessible bathroom, hospital bed etc. My mom (76) spends alot of her day preparing 4 course mini meals that are minced, 3 times per day upstairs in the kitchen.
My mom was my dad's princess and they were each other's best friends for 58 years. I'm an only child and my role is to manage all the various caregivers and agencies we deal with in Canada and to be on top of my mom's mental health as well as the admin of their business I am winding down. She has trouble coping with the entire situation. ..so many people coming and going, the constant hours of food prep, my dad's diminished state ( he recognizes everyone and sometimes understands conversations) but he has absolutely no speech or reading/writing ability. I am not working so that I can spend my days with both of them. My husband and child are super supportive and pitch in whenever needed. I admire all the caregivers I see here and certainly I have a much easier role...but I'm learning so many things to help both my parents.
Thank you, Monika

@mojo1965 Hi Monika: I'm glad that the Mayo Connect community has been helpful to you. You are to be commended for balancing so many activities for your parents. Continue to let us know how we can support and encourage you, you have certainly provided a wonderful example for many of our caregivers! Teresa

I have been a caregiver in the past when my mother had leukemia in 2000. She lost her battle after a short amount of time (2 weeks) and that was a very difficult time that put me in a deep depression that lasted for several years. Now, my 91 year old father has been diagnosed with terminal esophageal cancer. This is totally different than when my mother so quickly slipped away from us. He was diagnosed in February of this year and is slowly losing his life. This is so different from what I experienced before. He is difficult, stubborn, and downright rude. I get so frustrated and then consumed with guilt for arguing with a declining 91 year man who is also my father. Hospice is helpful with physical support, but I feel I get no emotional support. How do others deal with frustration and anger caused by the patient's behavior. He is extremely angry himself, and I am his only target. Any suggestions, ideas or advice?

Hi. I'm a licensed therapist AND a caregiver and I highly recommend you get your own therapist to help you through this difficult time. So sorry you have to go through this.

(shortshot80) Nancy, Hello Linda 49, I was a care giver for my Aunt for over 30 years, she was so demanding, cheating,in and out of a mental hospital, and I don't know what else. She was my mom's sister. She lived with us for several years. She would go wake up my kids and asked if they heard he voices. Not only me as a scape goat but my four kids. hectic to say the least. Dad said she could stay there if she took her medicine. Relief to say the least at my house. She finally was ok for a couple years till dad died. Then she quit taking her medicine. On day after new years I went over to mom's and told her that a ambulance would be there to take her to a hospital. I told her that she would have to go whether she liked or not and if she would be in a straight jacket or not I didn't care. She was going to leave.. Of course I was legal to do this. I was court appointed conservator. She was in the hospital for over thirty days, in a hospital chair the had her legs up. She was on medicine to take out the fluid in her body. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do something to help satisfy yourself. You need to be legal in whatever you do. Check with his doctor to see if he can be in a assisted living, or rest home or something. Perhaps some medicine to help with his attitude. You really need to talk to his doc and get some help. Talk to the county where you live, ask questions. You need some help with all of this as it is a learning experience that can drive you to drink! Prayers for you. Nancy