<br><br><br><br><br><br><br>Colleen Young I have noticed that I receive a lot of email from the caregivers group, however I signed up for the chronic pain group.  While I did care for my father when he had Alzheimer's and helped with my mother when she had cancer, my real interest<br> is the chronic pain group which is what I have.  Please make sure that I receive information on chronic pain.  I receive a lot of emails and I need to reduce the ones I can.  Of course if there were something I could contribute to any group I would, but I<br> feel most connected the the chronic pain group.  Thanks 19lin

@19lin, to no longer receive email notices from the caregivers group, please unsubscribe from this discussion thread. There are 2 simple ways to do this.

1. In the next email you receive, click "Unsubscribe from this discussion thread." at the bottom of the email.
OR
2. Go to the first message of the discussion here https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/meet-fellow-caregivers-introduce-yourself and click the +FOLLOWING button.

Learn more tips from this page https://connect.mayoclinic.org/get-started-on-connect/

Collen, sounds good. I don't know a lot about medically fragile children. However I went through early child special ed through transition age 18-21 special ed. I went through day programs, waivered services, guardianship as a parent caregiver. These things are all part of developmental disabilities system in Minnesota. I know how overwhelming it is for young parents. That's why I brought up. Developmental disabilities is a system.

Thank you for the opportunity to express my concerns as a caregiver of my spouse who has dementia (2 1/2 yrs. diagnosed).

It is difficult for me at times, because my husband has Alzheimer's and it seems I'm learning something new each day.
There have been days when I found it very difficult for me to cope and handle the situation, but 2 days a week I take him to adult daycare and that is a total blessing. It gives me time to shop, have lunch with a friend, get my hair cut or nails done, all of which is uplifting for me. I really don't like grocery shopping, but find when I don't have to rush to do it and I have more time to look and read, it can be a good outing for me. Pray for the good days and be very thankful for them. You are a wonderful person to take this challenge on and care of your Mom. Mom's are very special.

Welcome Alois!
I invite you to also join in the discussion "Caring for someone with dementia / Alzheimer's" here http://mayocl.in/2ccA0jO
We look forward to getting to know you.

I have been a caregiver in the past when my mother had leukemia in 2000. She lost her battle after a short amount of time (2 weeks) and that was a very difficult time that put me in a deep depression that lasted for several years. Now, my 91 year old father has been diagnosed with terminal esophageal cancer. This is totally different than when my mother so quickly slipped away from us. He was diagnosed in February of this year and is slowly losing his life. This is so different from what I experienced before. He is difficult, stubborn, and downright rude. I get so frustrated and then consumed with guilt for arguing with a declining 91 year man who is also my father. Hospice is helpful with physical support, but I feel I get no emotional support. How do others deal with frustration and anger caused by the patient's behavior. He is extremely angry himself, and I am his only target. Any suggestions, ideas or advice?

Hi. I'm a licensed therapist AND a caregiver and I highly recommend you get your own therapist to help you through this difficult time. So sorry you have to go through this.

(shortshot80) Nancy, Hello Linda 49, I was a care giver for my Aunt for over 30 years, she was so demanding, cheating,in and out of a mental hospital, and I don't know what else. She was my mom's sister. She lived with us for several years. She would go wake up my kids and asked if they heard he voices. Not only me as a scape goat but my four kids. hectic to say the least. Dad said she could stay there if she took her medicine. Relief to say the least at my house. She finally was ok for a couple years till dad died. Then she quit taking her medicine. On day after new years I went over to mom's and told her that a ambulance would be there to take her to a hospital. I told her that she would have to go whether she liked or not and if she would be in a straight jacket or not I didn't care. She was going to leave.. Of course I was legal to do this. I was court appointed conservator. She was in the hospital for over thirty days, in a hospital chair the had her legs up. She was on medicine to take out the fluid in her body. Sometimes you have to bite the bullet and do something to help satisfy yourself. You need to be legal in whatever you do. Check with his doctor to see if he can be in a assisted living, or rest home or something. Perhaps some medicine to help with his attitude. You really need to talk to his doc and get some help. Talk to the county where you live, ask questions. You need some help with all of this as it is a learning experience that can drive you to drink! Prayers for you. Nancy

Hello @linda49 Nice to e-meet you here. I am sorry to hear of your mother's and father's health problems. I am Scott and I was the primary caregiver for my wife for 14+ years as she fought brain cancer and the last 14 months she was in home hospice. Almost all of this time she exhibited several mental and emotional distress.

Caregiving is an extraordinarily demanding role, but even more so when your patient is emotionally unstable as well as having the physical demands normal to failing and/or chronic health issues. Often times I found it was a lose-lose proposition. Demands of caregiving being the primary focus and demand, yet other parts of life also 'requesting' time and attention, both of which in high demand, primary caregiving situations are rare or often nonexistent! As I would say "if I had a dime for every time a person said to me 'take care of yourself' and did nothing to help with that I'd be a very rich man today!

While I am only speaking from my 14 years of experience and not as a medical professional I can say one thing, which helped me immensely, was to pick my battles with my wife. 99.9% of the things she said, did, etc. as long as they were not dangerous to herself I just let go. I did a lot of head nodding, agreeing with things I didn't agree with, repeating myself and chores she asked me to redo (pillow fluffing, sheet tightening, were some of her favorites), and saying to myself "it is what it is". Otherwise I could have spent every minute of every day fighting and I treasured what time I had with her too much to do that. I knew in my heart it was the disease lashing out, not her so it made it easier to take. Plus I knew she was terminal so she was fighting the hardest fight and I wasn't.

My wife's neurologist said to me the reason she lashed out at me was I was the one she felt the safest with, so she could vent, etc. and know I would still be there taking care of her. I was her only pressure valve as he said. I took that to heart and it helped me often.

He also said for me to remember "Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying 'I will try again tomorrow'",

Peace, courage, and strength!