Long-term depression

@sisyphus - I like your response; it provides me with some hope for the benefits of social interaction.

Believe me, I am not isolated, nor would you know from appearances anything other than that I am very comfortable in social situations, when they are not drawn out, and I feel I can leave or move on to my own space when I'm ready or need to.

But, I have found that engaging with people on a regular basis, depending of course on circumstances and duration, can bring on new problems that I otherwise wouldn't occupy my mind with. I want people to get along, I am not good with "blank-faced" or "attitude-prone" individuals. Been running into more lately, and it takes a toll, more than I care to elaborate on.

So, I wonder if you ever have this kind of downside to social interactions, especially of the kind where you've put effort into planning them, their success depends on the participation and attitude of those involved, and the inevitable (in my experience) pettiness and friction that can ensue in certain environments?

If not, I understand. But that has been my experience. And for some of us who are more tuned in to social clues, vibes and tone of voice, it can be inevitable, especially the longer the involvement in an activity, that those things or people will emerge and color what otherwise was a well-intentioned, potentially valuable experience with the potential for deeper engagement with fellow travelers.

Warmly...

Your experience and those of the others is very similar to my experience at 70. Just feeling without a purpose. My biggest joy is playing pickleball. Those who play are fun and welcoming. I also run and workout. That gets me out of bad thinking temporarily but other than picklball I am at home doing very little and not wanting to go out. I do not think daily use of Xanax is a good long term practice. Xanax has a rebound effect that makes anxiety worse when the drug wears off. I take Pristiq and Lamictal that I tried to wean off but failed. Living in Florida I observe so many older people living in their homes alone and isolated. I have decided that my family is my purpose so plan to move back closer to them. I’ll just leave for warmer weather for short periods when the cold becomes annoying. However, I planned a 5 week trip to New Zealand and Australia in November. I hope this becomes a turning point in my journey . I find when I take the leap to get out and talk to others it becomes a stimulant to simply enjoy the time and fellowship with others. There’s lots of us out there and we can support each other.

Thank you for your kind response. I hope you and your partner both find whatever it is that will help you. You are absolutely correct – life is challenging and seems to be growing more so with each year. I wish I had a ‘therapist next-door’, or knew someone who was seeing one. Either of those things would make setting an appointment less daunting. I know there are probably some in my life who could help me with this. It’s time I reach out. Thank you for your suggestions. I wish you the best!❤️

I so understand this. I turned 70 in March, and it seems like I have slid further and further since. I have decided that I am a good actress, because I can slap on a happy face and look 'normal' when I need to.
I just sat down and told my (second) husband of 22 years that I feel dead and empty inside. Because I do. I have given everything I possibly can to everyone in my life, and left nothing, or very little for me. That said, I have gotten very little back. Quite possibly because I haven't asked for anything back, but when I have, I have either been ignored or shrugged off as 'crazy'. Clearly, my 'choices' in family were less than perfect.
I threatened suicide many years ago, and the fallout from that experience taught me a lot. NEVER AGAIN. Although I admit that being taken care of, and having no responsibilities while being on a 72 hour hold was pretty darn nice.
I simply needed to express this, and 'get it off my chest'. I have gone through 'cases' of kleenex over the last few months. I know I will be ok, and I will keep going. I know God isn't ready for me yet. Thanks.

What is a Friend?
If you asked Aristotle, he is one without whom life is not worth living. You can find it in his Nicomachean Ethics.

He goes on elaborate how such relationship is superior to having one that seeks out power, wealth, etc. I believe it's the most sincere and mutually rewarding relation two people can have...even when they may have very different viewpoints or pursuits in their lives but share enough in one (or more) vital areas of mutual interest. It could be religion, politics, astronomy and even just some hobbies. What matters is Each gets out of such connection a reward that they feel energizes and inspires each in That one area at least. Entering with this clear expectation is the basis of an authentic reason to talk over phone or coffee as possible mutually. As you can see there is no basis for any false or fake people. No one is in this for Any other reason. And either of them can easily find out if the other is 'good-enough' for at least in one area of common interest.

I have more recently joined a group of retired people into lifelong learning where members present material to discuss on a topic agreed upon. So every participant is Equal learner, unlike where we listen to an expert, as in classes and public lectures. It starts in September and I've signed up for two sessions each week in-person (there's little point via zoom, tho it's offered for those with health or mobility issues.

But I have organized many through Meetup.com over the years which were essentially nature walks where focus was walk, tho friendships can happen but even in one case where it felt so, as you said, people do send vibes as to their Level of interest. Simply put I suspected the person was not As eager as I was as he often showed up a bit Late.

Other times, I'd people sign up like swarm of flies, even indicate interest in meeting, and Still not show up. This is similar to your experience, I guess, tho I wonder what is this impulse that wants them to Say they'll show up but then Don't. My analysis is people deep down are very ashamed of sending Any hint that they may have Social need. And yet, in such situations one owes Nothing to the other if one does not find enough 'common' interest level.
So why do they still chicken out? Blame it on the epidemic of loneliness as the Surgeon General, Murthy appears to think. In his words, 'we are the doctors to each other, we are the healers to one another.' I believe he's on the mark.

asking for help and knowing one can't do it alone, is one of the greatest gift that one can give to themselves.

good luck to all that are dealing with this issue. You are definitely not alone. Keep talking about it, that is a super power.

Hi I will be 61 soon and have battled depression and anxiety most of my life. Been hospitalized and through many treatments and had been taking effexor since 2007. I had been telling my doctors that my meds aren’t working and they kept adding a supplement such as welbutrin and abilify, they didn’t help either and the doctors kept having me try them numerous times. Finally became dissociative and went inpatient to a fabulous place. I asked to have my gene site test repeated due to advances in dna. So glad I did! Found out I have a gene mutation MTHFR homozygous, meaning I got the mutation from both parents. Plus the variant I have is more rare. What this means is my body was not able to absorb the medications. Went to integrated behavioral health at Mayo and the doctor did lots of bloodwork and he also had me test for pyrole disorder. Came back that I have that too. I’m now being treated with vitamin supplements and not on any antidepressants or anti anxiety medications. I have done a 180 and feel great. I have only been on the vitamins for about 1 month. I strongly encourage you to have this test done. Make sure your insurance covers it. It’s an expensive test. I only had to pay $300 of the $5000 plus charge and the pyrole test was $130.

@pamelakr
First, welcome to Mayo Connect and thanks for sharing your experience. I am so glad Mayo's Integrated Behavioral Health was able to dig deeper into your issues and come up with a solution. I think many people with long term depression / anxiety issues would be interested in what you found out.

I am not familiar with Mayo's Integrated Behavioral Health department. Is it part of Mayo physiatry dept? What Mayo location is it located at?

Integrated Behavioral Health is its own department. I’m in Phoenix but any provider can refer someone to this department. My appointment was virtual so you don’t have to be seen in person.

Thanks this is very helpful! Can you share what vitamins you are taking?