Time for Memory Care

@trishaanderson. I just can’t picture you as a frog in hot water! What has changed that makes you feel that way?

@becsbuddy

It has been challenging for me to make the final decision to move the man I love and care for to a memory care facility, although I know the time is near.

You have been giving it all you got for years. It sounds like the timing feels appropriate and no matter when it is tough. I’m not there yet. Hopefully we will have as many years as you have had but when that time comes, I hope I will be able to let go and know I’ve made the right decision. It sounds right for you.
Hopefully the memory care is near you where you can visit and be at peace together in some way. Sending supportive hugs your way.

Big hug, I know how hard it is, but please remember it's your love for him that will keep him safe. You've done everything and now it is time to let someone help you to take care of him

Maryvc & 1995Victoria
Thank you both for your kind and supportive words.
They mean more than you can ever know.

My husband is 74 and in good shape. He recently scored a 4 on the SLUM test. He goes to adult daycare 3x / wk.
He still can shower and dress, but has significant speech aphasia.
I'm looking at Memory Care by the end of October. My biggest concern is that he won't be "as bad" as those I see in those places. They seem older and lower functioning. I'm praying for clarity.

Trisha, if your best friend or daughter were married to a man who was functioning as your husband does, how would you know when she is 'maxed out" and what would you want her to do?

My husband is 84 and in good shape. He likes to be active and go places with me. Even though he's older, I'm concerned he may be higher functioning than the average resident. But his confusion and agitation are the reason I must make this decision.

My husband is 73 with Parkinson’s and dementia. His dementia has progressed to the point where I cannot leave him at home alone. He has trouble finding the right words, needs help dressing, is confused a lot of the time and is getting depressed - and quite frankly so am I. I need help. I am trying to arrange that. One son wants me to put him in memory care, but my husband is so dependent on me. How can I do that? He would hate me! So far one thing he always remembers is people and the past. It seems weird to have someone come to my home - are there adult daycare centers in Rochester?

Hi Trisha - The only way to find out if a Memory Care facility is a good fit for your loved one is to visit and observe. My daughter had many visitors like you as a Memory Care nurse. Often they chose her facility because it was a little larger, and was able to "group" residents with others of a similar level of function for meals, activities, etc. The great thing about having multi-level care was that nobody needed to move again - they were just transitioned as needed to more care and less socialization.
Just make sure they are adequately staffed in the evenings and overnight to care for those whose confusion and agitation increase in the evenings and at night. Ideally there are circular routes for pacing without getting "stuck" in a corner or dead end, and that the nurses' station is positioned to have the best possible view of the floor, especially the dining and dayrooms where residents gather, so they can be alert to any potential clashes.

Finally, ask about their medication practices - make sure they call you before their "on call" doc to ask if meds are ok. And ask to see his med orders (and his med drawer or tray) to make sure there are not calming, anti-anxiety or sedating meds that have been ordered "just in case" that they are allowed to dispense "as needed" (PRN) without your knowledge.

I am sharing these tips from long experience with family in Memory Care and what I learned from my daughter's 10 years as an alder care/memory care nurse. There are excellent facilities ,but it takes some detective work (as well as asking others near you) to be sure you find one.