Say something? Say nothing? looking for advice.

It is difficult to say if my husband is not hearing or not understanding what he hears. Recently, I had taken my husband to a day care situation. I was asking him to sit in a chair at a table with other people. I pointed and asked repeatedly. Finally one of the caretakers working there came over and said "This is what I do." She said " sit in the chair" and sat in it herself. Then she got up and asked him to do it. He sat immediately. I realized that his receptive language is a lot worse than I knew. When he doesn't do what I ask or says no, I just demonstrate for him and he always complies.

@kathy26 Welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect! I’m so glad that you found this site! And I love your tip on demonstrating along with telling your husband what to do. We recently had this discussion on hearing and dementia. you may want to read it.
https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/dementia-and-hearing-aids/
Has your husband ever commented about not hearing? Do you think he may consider it?

It's pretty common. The long-term memory is still functioning in relation to the past. The problem is making new memories and shor-term memory.

Whenever I got a call from Memory Care to meet my cousin at the hospital (falls, UTI, etc.) I’d meet her there as she was transported by ambulance. It always scared her, no matter how nice and comforting everyone was. As we waited in the ED cubicle, she would say, I love you so much! And, I’d say, I love you too! Then…5 minutes later it would be repeated….over and over…hour after hour….Even if I tried to change the subject. Lol. Most of these visits lasted 4-8 hours. I often laughed thinking about the people in the adjacent cubicles hearing this dialogue ! Lol. I guess they figured out what the situation was.

My husband and I have been together for 60 years. I would think that I would count as someone from his past, but no. The long-term spouse seems to be the one cut from the memory bank. I am just a caretaker now; he is confused as to who I am and why I would behere.He even questions why I am in all his photos from the past. It is one of the cruelest aspects of having a loved one with ALZ.

Much of the hearing problem is the inability to process what was heard to make sense of it. Six months ago, I bought excellent hearing aids for my husband to the tune of $5,200. It was very helpful for conversation and my not having to repeat what I said. As ALZ reared its ugly head, the $$$hearing aids were found in pockets, glasses case, under the bed, or put in the battery case backwards..on and on. It became a thorn in his side to have them put in. Now they are AWOL in the house somewhere. I am not replacing them. I try not to "poke the bear" as much as possible and his lack of cognitive ability to understand what is said has outweighed his need to hear more clearly.

I’m so sorry…This is such a rough road. I’m so grateful to have this group. Hugs

My husband not recognizing me at times is the most painful part of this terrible disease.
We will look at old photos, and he will say, "That's Trisha," but you're not Trisha!!!

I would be very curious if your husband could remember high school experiences with a buddy but not with you. There does seem to be a barrier between spouses. Give it a try. You may have to reminisce vicariously by hearing your husband and a mutual friend talk about old times together. We have been together for 60 years. Why don't I count as a part of his past in that long term memory bank?

Your comment brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. I broke down in huge deep sobs when I first experienced this; it runs so deep. It makes you feel like you have just wasted decades of your life with your spouse. My husband doesn't call me by name. Not even sure if he knows it. The kids made him a picture book with names to help him hold on to some memories. I'm not one of them. He handed the phone to me to talk to his sister referring to me as "the person I'm talking to. In my experience, this lack of recognition doesn't come and go; it is gone and the quicker you accept it the better. I am a stranger -a friendly caretaker. Nothing more. It is hard to keep loving a person who doesn't know you. I took my marriage vows seriously. For better or worst; but I didn't realize how "worst" it could be. I am so sorry for how devasted you are feeling. It is a crushing blow. I think only people who experience it can understand how very painful it is.