Say something? Say nothing? looking for advice.

Your last words hit the nail right on the head…be his protector not his corrector. I am going to try to live by those words with my husband. Thank you.

I love this. You make such good sense. I try not to correct when we are alone, also…however we are not always together, and I just need him to be aware OF the problem…he will answer the door…to solicitors, and chat with them. The other day I was unaware someone had come to get us to hire them for pest control. When I became aware of what was happening, I went to the door and called to him, saying “you have a phone call”. Thankfully, we are still with our long-time pest control company, but things like this just keep happening…sigh!

When my mother does these types of things and I make her aware she also doesn't get angry she gets more depressed because it's almost like she had forgotten her brain had stopped functioning as it used to and this was a reminder. She will then forget the reason for this sad feeling but still feel sad for a long time so I try not to point out these types of mistakes if I can avoid it. I hate to see her sad.

My dad does these things of which he is not aware (hiring two plumbers for same job), but he is intact with things like pin codes, ss#, address, road directions, etc. He can direct me on shortcuts around the county. It’s unreal.

These are such great suggestions; it always surprises me how much alike the symptoms or behavior is for various types of dementia. The "he gets quiet" part really was familiar. I'm Carrie from "Pancreatic Cancer" group but have this husband dementia problem too.
I have a question: is not hearing properly a symptom of dementia or just being "hard of hearing?"
"But you said...." is commonplace around here.

@celia16 What you experienced with your dad is the ability to know and use their long term memory. It has been stored in the brain for a long time. A recent phone call or a new acqaintenance’s name just didn’t have time to be stored in the brain . But, they can remember where they went to school, boyfriend’s name, etc. But they can’t remember what you just said.

Before my husband was diagnosed with Alzheimers last fall, I also had thought that long-term memory remained much longer than short-term. That was the way it was with his mother, who also had the disease. I have been surprised that my husband's long-term memory isn't good anymore either. We went to the same high school and have many shared experiences from throughout our 54 years together. It is sad that besides his forgetting what just was said or happened, we can't reminisce either.

I know we are advised not to mention their errors or repetitions, but when it can affect our finances or create complications, I think we have to make an attempt. On occasion, it may register, so it's worth the effort. And if their feelings are hurt, well, I have found my wife doesn't hold grudges or resentments anymore because she forgets in 5 minutes or less.

My wife of 60 years is also losing her longer term memory. She is unclear about where we were married, whether or not any of her family is still alive, and doesn't know who the parents of our grandchildren are. I used to talk with her a lot about her childhood, but now she asks me questions about it. Paranoia is still strong as well, she is fearful about things that are really of no concern in our tiny, rural village..

Hi. Thanks for sharing that. I am wondering about how he responded to your comment. I am struggling with the same issue. My husband has not been diagnosed with dementia at this time. He is exhibiting several of the symptoms, but, when I mention these to him, he yells and/or denies having done these things. The few times I used the word, "Alzheimer's", he exploded and even once told me if I ever mentioned it again, he'd divorce me. He has some genetic markers which put him at greater risk of having alzheimers. He makes up words for things when he can't remember the correct words, repeats himself a lot, forgets stuff that once was important for him to remember, remembers a part of every sentence I say only or not at all. He is also seriously deaf, which I know can be a contributable condition. Like most of us older fogies, he has normal signs of aging. So, this is all very difficult. If he is not ready to hear it, you may not want to say it until he is. But, if you feel you need to speak your mind for your own sanity, then do it. My husband, at one point, said, if I have alzheimers, I don't want to hear it. But, in this day & age, there are new tests and treatments out there, that are being seriously studied. So, it may be another reason to tell him what you are noticing, so he can get some new type of test or treatment. Difficult! Good luck with this one!