Anyone deal with Dementia AND Narcissistic personality disorder?

Posted by blue717 @blue717, Jul 18 8:18pm

I am 73 my husband is 75 with the above conditions. This is a living hell that I am serving a life sentence for. His memory is bad. He images things. He is nasty, cruel, never wrong and has no interest in anyone other than himself. I am his only caregiver, the rest of his family doesn't wish to bother with him. Is there anyone else trying to cope? The stress is unbelievable and it never stops.

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annewoodmayo | @annewoodmayo | Jul 18 9:28pm

Sorry to not have any practical suggestions for you, but please let me offer you my sincerest sympathy! It must be difficult beyond words.
May whatever God you believe in give you strength. You are doing a noble and good thing to stick by your spouse.

Maybe here's one suggestion: can you step outside for some fresh air? Maybe just open a window? Might help a little.

baa | @baa | Jul 19 9:09am

blue717, you must be under so much stress. This may sound unkind or unfeeling but it isn’t meant to be, but does he qualify for any kind of assisted living or long- term care? If something happens to you, he will require it anyway and you won’t be here to make sure he is taken care of. You have to relieve some of this pressure on yourself. I have seen this happen many times with no help in the home. Bless you.

AZ | @equanimous | Jul 19 10:51am

I agree. It may be time to explore residential care. It won't be easy but I would reach out for professional help to assist with the coordination of a plan. You can start by reaching out to a care coordinator in a facility that may be near to you. At the very lease, start thinking about it and gathering information. Just that act may help alleviate some of the tremendous stress you are shouldering. You deserve to live too. Sending loving thoughts to you.

John | @johnnoregon | Jul 20 10:08am

I have early-set through declining MCI, and my wife is a narcissist. This is going to be very interesting when I slide into dementia (it's coming, the signs abound) and her narcissism goes into full bore.

I don't have a coping mechanism for you, unfortunately. If you want a bigger audience - much, much, bigger, then maybe go to Reddit and search for the sub "Dementia". You'll have 1000s of like-minded people in this group - I believe there are 34,000 members - which you can join, and people are posting several stories just like yours every day. You may get some helpful suggestions out of it.

BoneHead | @stsopoci | Jul 28 8:18am

I can feel your pain …. I grew up with a Dad that was narcissistic and insecure and treated my Mom as an object. As we grew and became adults we realized more and more that this was not normal behavior. My siblings (4) and I were glad to see him pass away at his funeral and leave our mom alone to be free of his control. It took her 5 or 6 years to realize that she was free!! We are all over 75 years old and look back at our childhood and try to balance out the good things that happened and the bad things that happened. It’s hard to forgive but we are trying.