Preparing to Age in Place

As the heat dome lingered, I grew more and more worn out and depressed, feeling very old and tired.

Then there was rain Sunday night and much cooler weather Monday and today.
There was a breeze during our morning walks.
Instantly I felt five years younger!

This is something to remember and try to take in stride, as it will surely happen again.

I realize that no matter how long I live, eventually I'll be gone.
I don't want to leave a mess behind me for others to clean up.
This Spring I completed preparations for my farewell, whenever it occurs.

1) Made funeral and cremation arrangements with the Neptune Society. Wherever I am in the world, the process will require one phone call and all will be done as I arranged.
2) Completed "Get It Together" by Nolo Press. All my legal and family documents are organized in a big notebook with instructions for whoever must attend to those matters.
3) Made arrangements with the animal rescue agent who fostered Hazel. If we can't care for her, she'll go back to people who know her and will keep her or find a new home for her.
4) Made sure my doctor knows about all this.
5) Will share all with daughter next month.

There were times I felt a little queasy, but completing these tasks released a lot of joyful energy as I realized how much lighter my life load had become.
I've come to see that "releasing" tasks and things in a loving way can be a very wonderful use of my later years.

Excellent post, Ed!

Thanks for reminding us all.

/LarryG

Congratulations for getting this important task done. What a great idea to put all the info in a notebook. Your post is a great reminder to those of us who must finish these tasks.

What a heartwarming message, and full of things we can each do to help ourselves "age in place."

Gloro's message, quoted by Joanland, is so uplifting that I'm reposting it in full:

"As a golden oldie who is also a caregiver, my mantra has been to think ahead.
Knowing that I will not wake up 20 years younger tomorrow, I have accepted that survival and quality of life depend on attitude and planning. The rearranging of our stuff for easy access has prevented me from becoming a candidate for TV's Hoarders while putting a plus in the column for independence. When Covid isolated us, I took it as a sign to purge and organize, and I am still doing it. Maybe I have gone overboard with a grabber in every room, a few canes in strategic places, a house walker, and a car walker, but if this kind of crazy keeps me from crying out, "I've fallen, and I can't get up," it is worth it. The checklist you devise for safety and well-being will probably be different than mine. It is more important to recognize a pitfall and take care of it before you find yourself in a situation that could have been prevented. The confidence in being proactive is a by-product. Another bonus: your checklist will be shorter, and when the inevitable unforeseen shows up, you will be better prepared. Also, what we can no longer do has been put in more capable hands. I am sure the young people we have come to rely upon and the economy appreciates our efforts. Even though there are days that I am amazed at what I still accomplish for both my husband (94), who has dementia, and myself( 86) to remain independent, there are also days when I am overwhelmed. When I was a girl, my Mother would not let me play until the chores were done. That work ethic can leave me feeling like a juggler trying to keep the balls in the air for perpetuity. But wisdom tells me it is a rule that needs adjustment. Even if only for a few moments, I do something for pleasure or escape: a song, a puzzle, responding to this forum. So far, so good. GloRo"

Amen, Ed ~ I totally agree. I, too, have completed my list, with the exception of readings and music for the funeral. I assumed my kids would prefer to do that since they are the ones benefitting from it but they assured me that they wanted me to make those choices, evidently as a parting gift!
My kids and their spouses know most everything about my life, finances, will, POA, etc., etc., right down to how to get into my closet safe. I made my oldest son and his wife as well as my daughter practice in front of me as sometimes it needs a couple of "tries" and I panic if it happens to me. Things are clean and cleaned out. I hadn't considered all this to be a "wonderful use of my later years" as you put it, but yes! That was a great observation and my spirits are lifted as I think about it that way. Thank you!!

The reality is based on having a living caring person that will support you without self interset as the sole motivation for helping you get tough tasks done, and having enough money to maintain your quality of life— and, yes, even compensate a trustworthy caregiver who really cares about you. That is my experience.

If we live long enough, the likelihood is high that we'll need some help from others, family, friends or professionals.
We need to look at our living "systems" from the viewpoint of these helpers.
Some kitchens are so clearly arranged that you could just step in and get to work, and some seem to dare you to try.
How many "systems" does it take to maintain a home? Bathroom cleaning, first aid, daily meds, pet care, plant care, heat and a/c...
Make it easy for your helpers to help you. They'll be glad to visit and you'll get more for your money.
[Time for a conversation with my wife....!]

Gloro's mom was wise:
"My mother would not let me play until the chores were done."

Liked that... ;>)
/LarryG