Support Group for Those of Us Living With Mild Dementia

I, too am in a similar situation as you are with my husband. Our days sound similar. I am also my 90 year old mother’s caregiver and spend a lot of time taking her where she needs to go. My children are also busy with work and their children. Most days run pretty smoothly, but there are those that don’t. The days when he can’t find a thing that he had in his hand five minutes before…give him enough time to think about it and he usually finds it. It might take an hour or a day or two. He gets frustrated, but we try to laugh about it. Like your husband, mine is still driving and is in fact a very good driver. He only drives around our city. He is fine in familiar areas. Our family doctor says he should quit, our neurologist says as long as I think he is capable then he should be fine. He told me I am the best one to know when he should quit as I am the one with him all the time. My husband is not ready to quit yet, but he has agreed to let me make the determination when it is time.
Like you, I too get tired of looking for things, explaining things over and over, having to handle all telephone communications, finances, but it is what it is. His problem seems to be more in communication, finding the right words to express his thoughts and of course short term memory. He works hard around the house and in the yards and is still very capable of keeping up our property which includes bush hogging on a tractor. We don’t watch much TV anymore as he just doesn’t seem interested, but he does enjoy watching videos on his phone every night. I do miss conversations that cover anything new or regarding future plans. His mind just doesn’t go there. He’s is great with the past and I try to help him stay on top of the present. Sometimes I do feel discouraged. He’s only 68 and we have been on this journey for a couple of years now. We had plans for travel and rving that we have had to let go. We will work around it. We are going on an Alaskan cruise with our daughter this summer something he has always wanted to do, but he never talks about it and is not involved in the planning because it’s in the future and he hasn’t gotten there yet. As frustrating as this whole thing is we both signed up for better or worse 43 years ago and I know if the roles were reversed he would be here for me so between my husband and mother’s care I just push on leaning heavily on my faith when I am weary and discouraged and I read a lot of books. I do have days when I get mad at the whole situation, I am human. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. There are a lot of us spouses dealing with this. There’s not a lot of support groups to help so I am thankful for Mayo Connect as it has helped me in many ways even more so than the doctors have. They treat the diagnosis the best they can, but we are the ones our loved are counting on to help them make it through each and everyday life. I hope it helps you to know we are all in this together. ❤️

I identify with what you are saying. My husband isn’t too bad yet but he does forget a lot of things that require short term memory. He is driving and still able to run errands etc. I make the appointments and recheck anything that has to be filled out. I also make any other connections needed (repairs, electrical, appliances, etc.,
any social get togethers and the like.
He is crabbier than he has ever been and there are days I just can’t discuss anything with him without him taking everything personally, or making disparaging comments about me. It’s like he has to have the last word no matter what and always puts the blame on someone else.
I could go in and on.
I see from this site it will most likely get more frustrating (for both of us) as time goes on. He is scheduled for a neuropsych evaluation but they can’t see him until Sept. To save myself from overreacting to the situations that come up I have started to see a counselor. It has been a help. I get somewhat less frustrated with him, but still have a ways to go. I recommend anyone dealing with this type if issue in a relationship seek an outlet such as professional counseling.

I identify with what you are saying. My husband isn’t too bad yet but he does forget a lot of things that require short term memory. He is driving and still able to run errands etc. I make the appointments and recheck anything that has to be filled out. I also make any other connections needed (repairs, electrical, appliances, etc.,
any social get togethers and the like.
He is crabbier than he has ever been and there are days I just can’t discuss anything with him without him taking everything personally, or making disparaging comments about me. It’s like he has to have the last word no matter what and always puts the blame on someone else.
I could go in and on.
I see from this site it will most likely get more frustrating (for both of us) as time goes on. He is scheduled for a neuropsych evaluation but they can’t see him until Sept. To save myself from overreacting to the situations that come up I have started to see a counselor. It has been a help. I get somewhat less frustrated with him, but still have a ways to go. I recommend anyone dealing with this type if issue in a relationship seek an outlet such as professional counseling.

I agree with you, as I am also seeing an outside counselor to have someone outside of the family and friends to talk too. It’s very helpful and I believe necessary. About 4 years ago my husband began to change. Short temper with me, angry, bad moods. I thought it was our marriage. He started slowly losing things more often, phone, wallet, keys, hat, jacket etc. I was losing my mind and getting angry with him because I didn’t understand what was happening because we had a very good marriage and he never acted this way. Anxiety set it, some depression. He went on meds. Thank God for that!!

Now tat I understand more about MCI I see that anxiety and depression play a big role here. I too, take care of all the appointments, and I write EVERYTHING down or he won’t remember such as a grocery list & he still calls me from the grocery store at least twice. When he leaves the house now, we have a saying: phone, wallet, keys, sunglasses. To make sure he has everything.

Our calendars are sinc’d so that I know exactly what appointments we each have so as not to double book. This is a must!

I write all the bills, I cook, he does the dishes, recycling, garbage. We watch movies together and see our family often to keep the connections going.

He had his neuropsych assessment and he was recommended to go on Aricept, which he refuses to do. Our holistic chiropractor has him on some excellent supplements for the brain and memory.

I joined this group because I needed to have support from other spouses of spouses with MCI to know that I am not alone. It’s scary sometimes. Don’t ya think? 🙃🥹

Agreed! It is scary sometimes. And we are pretty much on the same page with what we do. My hardest time is with a close family member who lives far away and visits for a few weeks at a time. That person doesn’t get it and is on my case because I do everything and husband does very little. Why don’t I have hubby do more? Why can’t he? Hopefully next visit I will be able to explain better what’s going on.
I firmly believe in getting a counselor who doesn’t know the family. It helps. And I have learned a few things about myself along the way!

I, too am in a similar situation as you are with my husband. Our days sound similar. I am also my 90 year old mother’s caregiver and spend a lot of time taking her where she needs to go. My children are also busy with work and their children. Most days run pretty smoothly, but there are those that don’t. The days when he can’t find a thing that he had in his hand five minutes before…give him enough time to think about it and he usually finds it. It might take an hour or a day or two. He gets frustrated, but we try to laugh about it. Like your husband, mine is still driving and is in fact a very good driver. He only drives around our city. He is fine in familiar areas. Our family doctor says he should quit, our neurologist says as long as I think he is capable then he should be fine. He told me I am the best one to know when he should quit as I am the one with him all the time. My husband is not ready to quit yet, but he has agreed to let me make the determination when it is time.
Like you, I too get tired of looking for things, explaining things over and over, having to handle all telephone communications, finances, but it is what it is. His problem seems to be more in communication, finding the right words to express his thoughts and of course short term memory. He works hard around the house and in the yards and is still very capable of keeping up our property which includes bush hogging on a tractor. We don’t watch much TV anymore as he just doesn’t seem interested, but he does enjoy watching videos on his phone every night. I do miss conversations that cover anything new or regarding future plans. His mind just doesn’t go there. He’s is great with the past and I try to help him stay on top of the present. Sometimes I do feel discouraged. He’s only 68 and we have been on this journey for a couple of years now. We had plans for travel and rving that we have had to let go. We will work around it. We are going on an Alaskan cruise with our daughter this summer something he has always wanted to do, but he never talks about it and is not involved in the planning because it’s in the future and he hasn’t gotten there yet. As frustrating as this whole thing is we both signed up for better or worse 43 years ago and I know if the roles were reversed he would be here for me so between my husband and mother’s care I just push on leaning heavily on my faith when I am weary and discouraged and I read a lot of books. I do have days when I get mad at the whole situation, I am human. I just wanted you to know you are not alone. There are a lot of us spouses dealing with this. There’s not a lot of support groups to help so I am thankful for Mayo Connect as it has helped me in many ways even more so than the doctors have. They treat the diagnosis the best they can, but we are the ones our loved are counting on to help them make it through each and everyday life. I hope it helps you to know we are all in this together. ❤️

Hi, my husband, has been diagnosed with MCI in memory loss. His executive functioning is superior. But I am feeling alone dealing with his forgetfulness, repeating of stories, and simple repetitive tactical things that I teach him over and over, like how to retrieve a Venmo, for example. Some days I'm better than other days, but it seems to be progressing faster than I had thought, and I feel overwhelmed. I'm supporting the household, have 5 children and grandchildren and I also am primary care giver to my mother in assisted living with dimentia. How do I cope with all of this. I feel hopeless some days and am getting depressed myself. My friends don't know and my children do know but they have their own lives.