Early stage memory loss and MCI lack of medical attention

Good Morning, It seems that getting on this forum is becoming a habit. Although my husband and I still have conversations, they are pretty fundamental. I miss the man who listened with his mind and heart to my ramblings, so I write to my Mayo family. This is specifically for 2me and anyone else to whom it may apply. It is hard to get one's mind around the finances. If you need advice, make sure it is from someone reputable. When we take on traditional male and female roles, we somehow forget that roles do not have gender. A guy can cook and clean and a woman can balance a checkbook and mow the lawn. You will become an ace because you must. You wrote, "while there is still time". That phrase is pretty weighted when it comes to dementia. I was in my twenties when I fully understood the word bittersweet. If not dealing with dementia, it was a situation that had no solution and no possibility of a happy ending. Well, sixty years have passed, and bittersweet has returned to bookend my life. While I worked through that old sadness, I discovered strengths I did not know existed. Now I have learned the well that young woman went to goes deeper than expected. That's how I feel this morning. Tomorrow might be different. Although dealing with the care of someone who has dementia highlights the yin and yang of those feelings, it is not a new experience. It is mostly how life is. I try to find two things in each day: grace to do my best and something that makes me laugh. GloRo

Good Morning, It seems that getting on this forum is becoming a habit. Although my husband and I still have conversations, they are pretty fundamental. I miss the man who listened with his mind and heart to my ramblings, so I write to my Mayo family. This is specifically for 2me and anyone else to whom it may apply. It is hard to get one's mind around the finances. If you need advice, make sure it is from someone reputable. When we take on traditional male and female roles, we somehow forget that roles do not have gender. A guy can cook and clean and a woman can balance a checkbook and mow the lawn. You will become an ace because you must. You wrote, "while there is still time". That phrase is pretty weighted when it comes to dementia. I was in my twenties when I fully understood the word bittersweet. If not dealing with dementia, it was a situation that had no solution and no possibility of a happy ending. Well, sixty years have passed, and bittersweet has returned to bookend my life. While I worked through that old sadness, I discovered strengths I did not know existed. Now I have learned the well that young woman went to goes deeper than expected. That's how I feel this morning. Tomorrow might be different. Although dealing with the care of someone who has dementia highlights the yin and yang of those feelings, it is not a new experience. It is mostly how life is. I try to find two things in each day: grace to do my best and something that makes me laugh. GloRo

GloRo,you sound like such a wise and caring person. I’m so sorry you had such sadness in your 20’s. In our marriage, my husband and I (married 50 years) didn’t always follow the traditional gender “roles/rules” as, fortunately for me, he was raised by a smart mom and had 4 sisters. 😊. So he has always helped with household “chores” and done a lot of the cooking. A very involved dad. Owned his own business, where if someone had a glitch with an office computer, he was the “go-to” guy. I mowed the lawn, because I like doing it. Since he had the business degree (and I was a music teacher) it was natural he did all our bookkeeping and finances. So now, I’m playing “catch-up”. And you’re right; I CAN do it! I have to. Thanks for your confidence in me! We do have a trusted financial advisor. I have not gotten into our personal life much on here, (mostly I’m a “lurker”) but with your kind words, I’m feeling more comfortable about sharing. I don’t know HOW I will know when I have to step in and do more. Like, I’m afraid he isn’t far from biting on a scam that comes to his email, and I won’t know till its too late…or he sometimes talks about closing an account that I don’t agree should be closed…and he might just do it! Things like that. I guess, in my rambling here, I don’t exactly KNOW what I’m worried about. Thanks for listening, if you’re still reading. This group has been a lifesaver for me. Thanks, everyone!

Hi, 2me. I know exactly how you feel about the possibility of scams. Fortunately, our banking and bill paying were never online. He no longer uses a computer, and business is now conducted on my Chromebook, which has built-in safeguards. I am not savvy enough to update the software to keep it current on other systems which would easily allow access for someone with bad intent. I think it is a blessing, but who knows? It appears that your husband is still quite capable and outside of you being a super-sleuth to avoid the industrious crooks in the world, I am stymied. But, when the time comes, and you will know it, hide the credit cards and keep his medical cards any place except his wallet . Along with a cell phone, we still have a landline because it is the only phone he can still understand how to use. My heart stops when I hear him pick up a strange number. His short-term memory is shot, but he can rattle off his SSN and Air Force ID without skipping a beat. -- I believe in looking ahead to avoid possible problems, but some are beyond discovery until we are knee-deep in them. GloRo

Becky, you have to be your own advocate. My husband seems to be where yours is. Diagnosed with “more than mild MCI”, he has trouble in the memory category, recalling information and retrieving information. He failed very badly in these areas. All the other tests on the neuro- psych evaluation, he got outstanding and superior resukts. My husband is well read, all the classics, has travelled the world, is a great my story teller and can have conversations with people, being the center of conversation with great wit. No one except our immediate family (5 kids, 3 spouses know of his condition).

Regarding the medical field here are the steps I took with him. Mind you he fought me for a year and I had to enlist 3 kids to help me.

1. Visit a recommended neurologist. She gave him about an hour’s worth of tests, and determined after that, that he was displaying short term memory loss. She referred us to a neuropsychologist who gave my husband a very challenging test called the neuropsych evaluation. This test took 4 hours, and was split in 2 appointments, 2 hours each.

It was determined that my husband had memory issues, short term, MII, anxiety and exhibited some depression. He does not have Alzheimer’s. He was recommended to go on Aricrpt, but with the side effects, and the fact that it really doesn’t work, he/we decided not to go on it. He had a brain MRI showing some white stuff in the frontal lobes. He also has heart disease which the psych neurologist told us plays a most important role in memory loss and dimentia. In fact we should get the heart disease under control first. Deprived oxygen to the arteries of the heart deprived the oxygen getting to the brain.

So, we continue to eat very clean meaning only grass fed meats, pasture raised eggs, no seed oils, no grains or wheat except some gluten free pasta, black rice (low glycemic index), lots of dark green leafy vegetables, berries such as blue, black, raspberry, no alcohol, plenty of water, 1 cup organic coffee a day, oily fish such as mackerel and wild Alaskan salmon. No bread, except sourdough once in a while, grass fed butter, Extra virgin olive oil, avodacos, avocado oil and coconut oil, all organic. We rarely have any sugar or cake, muffins, cookies.

We don’t eat fast foods, bacon, ham, pork or nitrates, nothing that causes inflammation in the body.

We don’t smoke.

Next iscexercise - he walks at least 7-10,000 steps per day, stretches 3x per week and light weights for arms.

He take 3 pharmaceutical supplements for brain health, two from Designs for Health called Brain Vital, (Nootropic Brain Support) and Annatto-GG 300 (medium chain triglycerides) and Body Bio PC Liquid for mental focus, brain function, and Cellular repair. These 3 are for the Brain.

There are several others for heart health, and antioxidants.

The neuropsychology also recommended he see a therapist a few times a month, for anxiety/depression, which I learned goes in tandem with MCI especially anxiety. He takes a depression medicine daily and anti anxiety when necessary.

All he f our money goes to eating healthy food and supplements 😐

I am not saying your husband or spouse has to do what mine does. I’m only telling you what my husbands plan is. I have noticed a positive change recently, but still asks me same questions over and over and he tells me same stories over and over. I handle pretty much everything financial, pay bills etc in house.

Our calendars are sinc’d so we don’t over book. Today I finally typed out how to retrieve a Venmo as I’ve had to do it with him for past 8 months. I wanted him to learn.

In addition, he does the NYT crossword puzzle every Sunday and has lunch with a good friend twice a month and talks and laughs on the phone daily with him.

We play board games, watch movies, the Yabkees together, I cook and he cleans the dishes and throws out the garbage. We try to see our kids or grandkids weekly. We go out from time to time with friends for dinner.

He also was recommended to take some visual therapy which he starts soon because it supposed to teach him how to recall and retrieve with visual memory.

We go back in 6 months.

For myself, Becky, I also speak to a therapist twice a month because I don’t speak to anyone about what I’m going through every day and she is wonderful. I play the piano and work from home. Next week I’m going for a facial. It’s very important to treat yourself as you are the caregiver even if it means going for a manicure or pedicure, because you need to feel good yoyrself as you go through the process of caregiving.

I remember my husband as a very strong, masculine, virile man who did and took care of everything and it saddens me to watch how fragile he has become. Sometimes sad, anxious, angry, he can recall stories from the past, but I watch this man’s mind sometimes slipping away and it feels so scary and sad. But I won’t give up trying to help him as best I can, while I can. He is 72, a very young 72.

I wish you the best and hope some of this helps you!

Xo Rolett1

Becky, you have to be your own advocate. My husband seems to be where yours is. Diagnosed with “more than mild MCI”, he has trouble in the memory category, recalling information and retrieving information. He failed very badly in these areas. All the other tests on the neuro- psych evaluation, he got outstanding and superior resukts. My husband is well read, all the classics, has travelled the world, is a great my story teller and can have conversations with people, being the center of conversation with great wit. No one except our immediate family (5 kids, 3 spouses know of his condition).

Regarding the medical field here are the steps I took with him. Mind you he fought me for a year and I had to enlist 3 kids to help me.

1. Visit a recommended neurologist. She gave him about an hour’s worth of tests, and determined after that, that he was displaying short term memory loss. She referred us to a neuropsychologist who gave my husband a very challenging test called the neuropsych evaluation. This test took 4 hours, and was split in 2 appointments, 2 hours each.

It was determined that my husband had memory issues, short term, MII, anxiety and exhibited some depression. He does not have Alzheimer’s. He was recommended to go on Aricrpt, but with the side effects, and the fact that it really doesn’t work, he/we decided not to go on it. He had a brain MRI showing some white stuff in the frontal lobes. He also has heart disease which the psych neurologist told us plays a most important role in memory loss and dimentia. In fact we should get the heart disease under control first. Deprived oxygen to the arteries of the heart deprived the oxygen getting to the brain.

So, we continue to eat very clean meaning only grass fed meats, pasture raised eggs, no seed oils, no grains or wheat except some gluten free pasta, black rice (low glycemic index), lots of dark green leafy vegetables, berries such as blue, black, raspberry, no alcohol, plenty of water, 1 cup organic coffee a day, oily fish such as mackerel and wild Alaskan salmon. No bread, except sourdough once in a while, grass fed butter, Extra virgin olive oil, avodacos, avocado oil and coconut oil, all organic. We rarely have any sugar or cake, muffins, cookies.

We don’t eat fast foods, bacon, ham, pork or nitrates, nothing that causes inflammation in the body.

We don’t smoke.

Next iscexercise - he walks at least 7-10,000 steps per day, stretches 3x per week and light weights for arms.

He take 3 pharmaceutical supplements for brain health, two from Designs for Health called Brain Vital, (Nootropic Brain Support) and Annatto-GG 300 (medium chain triglycerides) and Body Bio PC Liquid for mental focus, brain function, and Cellular repair. These 3 are for the Brain.

There are several others for heart health, and antioxidants.

The neuropsychology also recommended he see a therapist a few times a month, for anxiety/depression, which I learned goes in tandem with MCI especially anxiety. He takes a depression medicine daily and anti anxiety when necessary.

All he f our money goes to eating healthy food and supplements 😐

I am not saying your husband or spouse has to do what mine does. I’m only telling you what my husbands plan is. I have noticed a positive change recently, but still asks me same questions over and over and he tells me same stories over and over. I handle pretty much everything financial, pay bills etc in house.

Our calendars are sinc’d so we don’t over book. Today I finally typed out how to retrieve a Venmo as I’ve had to do it with him for past 8 months. I wanted him to learn.

In addition, he does the NYT crossword puzzle every Sunday and has lunch with a good friend twice a month and talks and laughs on the phone daily with him.

We play board games, watch movies, the Yabkees together, I cook and he cleans the dishes and throws out the garbage. We try to see our kids or grandkids weekly. We go out from time to time with friends for dinner.

He also was recommended to take some visual therapy which he starts soon because it supposed to teach him how to recall and retrieve with visual memory.

We go back in 6 months.

For myself, Becky, I also speak to a therapist twice a month because I don’t speak to anyone about what I’m going through every day and she is wonderful. I play the piano and work from home. Next week I’m going for a facial. It’s very important to treat yourself as you are the caregiver even if it means going for a manicure or pedicure, because you need to feel good yoyrself as you go through the process of caregiving.

I remember my husband as a very strong, masculine, virile man who did and took care of everything and it saddens me to watch how fragile he has become. Sometimes sad, anxious, angry, he can recall stories from the past, but I watch this man’s mind sometimes slipping away and it feels so scary and sad. But I won’t give up trying to help him as best I can, while I can. He is 72, a very young 72.

I wish you the best and hope some of this helps you!

Xo Rolett1