Early stage memory loss and MCI lack of medical attention

Hi to rjchambliss5 and others to which this might apply. At first, it went against every lesson my Mother, teachers, and the church taught, but I have become one of the sneakiest people in the universe. We live in an area where energy outages are common. Six years ago, we put in a Generac system when I was a kid of 81. Three outages the previous year were enough clues that I never again wanted to empty and discard another fortune in food. I informed my husband in such a way that he could not refuse an exploratory talk with the contractor. Because my boy, was such a capable person before dementia, he fooled the contractor into thinking he understood everything discussed. However, it took many private conversations behind my husband's back and several extra phone calls between a very patient contractor and us to clarify the confusion. That is when I realized that talking to a guy and not the wife carried more authority. Somehow, he feels more engaged and less threatened that I am trying to take over his job. Also, I have learned not to discuss anything dealing with electricity or ladders with my husband before the workman shows up with tools in hand. It is rough dealing with the bombastic phase when home repairs are concerned. I still tremble when my husband wanders to the fuse box. A few weeks ago, when he did, he asked for a flashlight, I simply lied and said I didn't know where one was. He grumbled for a while, but then his interest turned elsewhere. Fireworks between us were reserved for when there were over-drafts and unpaid bills. After spending three months of uncountable calculations along with many phone calls to multiple banks to consolidate our finances for ease, my boy became angry that I had taken over the job. Normally, I am even keel (as he is). But, all that work flashed before me, and I raised my voice and yelled, NO, YOU WILL NOT, I CAN'T GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN! I'm not recommending anger, but I think I scared us both, and repetitive explanations about banking have ceased. Dementia is no joking matter, but I know that humor helps me keep mostly in a sane state. Take the breather necessary. You will know when you are strong enough to get back into the game. GloRo

I ask my husband to make a salad every night with dinner.

Hi Mary, That nightly salad not only allows your husband to contribute, but it also keeps routine in his life. Wise woman, a twofer. About four years ago, our community suffered from several dam failures that turned our lake back into a river. It made the news as far as Europe. Fortunately, our property is on the elevated side, and our house was not damaged. However, the dock and decking leading were left caddy wompas. But safe to trod on. Even if the lake levels ever return to the old lake levels, we will be too old, too frail, and no longer able sailors. But guess what? While the useless dock and deck bleached in the sun, they still needed painting, a favorite summer pastime for my husband. For the price of a few cans of paint, it is the perfect project. If he forgets where he left off, who cares? If he forgets about it for a few weeks, who cares? And, best of all, it is so far away from the house that I can't see what kind of job he is doing while he contributes to keeping our property looking spiffy. Sometimes the gods turn a problem into a plus. I don't know where you live, but where I am, it is just about time for a salad. GloRo

@rugbymom, I hope you've seen the many helpful responses you've received from members. This is all so new for you and your husband. And I understand that feeling of having like you were given the diganosis like a bomb drop and then left to deal with it on your own. I'm glad your found Mayo Clinic Connect and see you're not alone. It's a great place to ask questions, vent if necessary and to get support. There will be different questions as time continues.

How are you and your husband doing today?

I have raised my voice too and sometimes that’s what it took to bring us both back on track- whatever that track is.

The blues that come with the many ways caregiving takes a toll have been pretty relentless lately. So, I find myself this morning turning to this forum for a boost. I just reread what I wrote about raising my voice and a riff on it from maryvc. After all the strategies have failed, sometimes raising one's voice is not only cathartic, but it can act as one of those bumps placed on a street to slow down acceleration. If used judiciously, it can actually help. I know that riff is a term usually reserved for an individual musician's interpretation of a blues or jazz theme. It just seems appropriate to me because we are called upon daily to come up with new melodies from this same old sad song. I'm going to do the laundry today that requires so much spot cleaning from mishaps with his colostomy that I buy the product used from Amazon on a subscription basis. I don't know if this counts as a strategy, but it is one less item I have to take down from shelves at our local store to save a back that rebels even after surgeries. I think there is a joke in there, I just can't figure out who the joke's on. Knowing that you are out there for support is such a positive in my life. From the bottom of my heart. GloRo

I am getting very worried about similar scenarios (talk to the man for work done at the house, and especially financial matters). I worry every day about the emails he receives, that look so legit. Yet he is very capable most of the time (thank goodness!). I don’t know where we are headed, or how soon, but I pray when the time comes, I’ll find the guidance I need-he always planned for our financial security in our retirement years…but….thank you, GloRo, for your words, and all the others on this forum. I read the posts each and every morning. (My husband has a neuro appointment today. Current diagnosis: MCI)

I fear I am walking a parallel path to yours. How to help, while there may still be time? Yet “see you in 6 months” is what we also hear, and the cognitive tests he has taken (90 minutes) do not produce any helpful results. We’ve been at MCI for 2 years. While I am thankful, the neurologists and neuro-psychologists are not seeing what I’m seeing. Thank you for this post. It helps to know we are not alone.

This is the first one that really echoed my situation. It’s comforting to hear that others are experiencing similar situations and the reactions from the medical community. Day by day

Good Morning, It seems that getting on this forum is becoming a habit. Although my husband and I still have conversations, they are pretty fundamental. I miss the man who listened with his mind and heart to my ramblings, so I write to my Mayo family. This is specifically for 2me and anyone else to whom it may apply. It is hard to get one's mind around the finances. If you need advice, make sure it is from someone reputable. When we take on traditional male and female roles, we somehow forget that roles do not have gender. A guy can cook and clean and a woman can balance a checkbook and mow the lawn. You will become an ace because you must. You wrote, "while there is still time". That phrase is pretty weighted when it comes to dementia. I was in my twenties when I fully understood the word bittersweet. If not dealing with dementia, it was a situation that had no solution and no possibility of a happy ending. Well, sixty years have passed, and bittersweet has returned to bookend my life. While I worked through that old sadness, I discovered strengths I did not know existed. Now I have learned the well that young woman went to goes deeper than expected. That's how I feel this morning. Tomorrow might be different. Although dealing with the care of someone who has dementia highlights the yin and yang of those feelings, it is not a new experience. It is mostly how life is. I try to find two things in each day: grace to do my best and something that makes me laugh. GloRo