How do I grieve an estranged family member?

@mir123 Earlier this week was advised of the loss of a sister. Needless to say, the manner in which I received the news was a shock to my system, estranged, toxic family of no emotional support and no longer have mental health services because they no longer accept my insurance. How do I navigate?

I am so sorry marjou. I can't imagine this. I am praying for the healing of your mind & heart in this. Grief takes time and everyone grieves differently....your grief is hard in the way her death was presented to you and the family situation.

Oh how we all just need to be loved in this world that has so much tension.

I would hug you if I was near to you and pray with you.

I lean hard on my faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and He has always gotten me through the hardest of time. Bless you.

Today I pushed myself into church to light a candle and prayer for her, but could not manage to stay for mass as my body started to reel from the reality of it all. I live in NM and she in NY. Due to limited finances as well as other factors concerning my mental health have chosen to grieve from afar, but that does not mean I am not grieving the loss. Your kind words have touched my heart and thank you for your kindness🙏🏼😢❤️

I am so very sorry to hear this. From my own experience, there are some free support systems out there. When I was widowed I attended a grief group built on a 12-step model. That was with Life Center for Attitudinal Healing which may no longer exist. But there are other 12-step groups that might really help even if the issue isn't alcohol. Codependency groups can help with toxic families, and are free and supportive--and can also be found on zoom. Funeral parlors often have grief counseling and groups that are open. And there might be a community health center or medical center locally that has low-cost counseling. A place of worship might also be a good source. You could discuss with a clergy person and see what is available community-wise, or maybe some individual counseling if you are in a congregation. Of course use your own judgement to vet these, and only do what you are comfortable with. I'm guessing it would help to talk, and be around other people who are bereaved in some way. Let me know what you find out, and thinking of you.

@marjou, why not have a talk with that parish's priest?

Every priest I've talked with has been very intelligent, sensitive, and insightful.

I bet you'd feel better. Good luck.

Have placed a call to a local grief group that has a once a week session for 6 weeks.

I hope it is simpatico and works for you!

I'm sorry but your not allowed! jk
Being one who was estranged from my family I feel I can make light of it. My Family totally estranged me after my mother died. Not only did I have the grief of losing my Mom but then the rest of my family (all my sisters. My father died when I was almost 3 and my little brother died 3 years before my mother.) They had already split up the estate amongst themselves before my mother died. So it was really greed that motivated them. I left a trail of tears across the state of Nebraska while coming back to Colorado. It gets better and I have came to realize that it was their own insecurity that led them to commit this act.

I’m estranged from my 32 year old daughter, my only child. Last night I went to week 1 of Griefshare, it’s great, I can see why it has helped many people and I’m proud of myself for going, because I’ve had pent up grief about many losses (deaths and mental illness in family that creates not having relationships with them). Even though I sat next to 2 people who are father-in-law and daughter-in-law to each other, and lost the son/husband by suicide recently, I only felt a low or moderate amount of “I don’t belong here", or "their grief is worse than mine/how do I explain my situation" because I’m grieving the death of my spouse or child. This is a huge step for me and I know it will help with a lifetime of loss and grief. Thank you for your time, and, I stand with you in solidarity with the pain of loss due to estrangement. If you want you can go to griefshare.org to find out more. It’s a 13 week program, free, no commitment, although they strongly suggest attending for 3 weeks before you make up your mind, and it might be that it can be done online if I remember correctly. (You can search your area to see if there will be one near you.) It isn’t all talking, although there will me some, it’s a 30 minute video followed by structured questions and answers that you can participate in or not, questions about the content of the video, and then you have homework. You can see a sample of the workbook on their site. There is a religious component, but it isn’t off-putting, and only meant to help. They often hold the meetings at churches I think.

@rosefranklin

Thanks for sharing about https://www.griefshare.org/

Everyone's grief is different and glad you got over the “I don’t belong here" and plan on continue to go to sessions. I looked at site and out curiosity checked my zip code and it is offered in my area at a couple of churches. Wish I would've known about years ago.

Please update us in future if the program helped deal with estranged daughter.