Preparing to Age in Place

Hi Ed Sutton: Your reply brought a smile to my face and has lightened my day. Soon I'll be outside pulling a few weeds, deadheading the iris, and watering the "strawberry jar" which is full of marigolds, dianthus, and some others. Joan

Your comment about "people who love plants and butterflies love living things " really touched me. THANK YOU. I have a
butterfly garden, used to help with butterfly counts for audobon and have even rescued plants from people trash. The poor orphans just needed some love to thrive. 🤗😄

Jim, This sounds very like a friend of mine, also a retired pastor. His story is different to yours - instead of retreating to the country, he & his wife moved to her hometown, where he began his healing journey. 6 years ago, with his body yearning to escape the cold, they came to our very small winter community in South Texas with their camper.

Long story short, after about 5 weeks of neighborly waves, I carried my coffee cup over one morning, and we began to meet each other. We connected, they began to join in community activities, bought a seasonal place, and joined our "intentional family." He exercises his pastoral skills by visiting one-on-one with anyone who seeks him out, has picked up his guitar. His wife is always at the center of any silliness or service to our neighbors.

Sunday he was at a family gathering, and described his surprise at finding another family to my sister, who doesn't "get" why people love to spend time in seasonal homes far from the familiar.

I find beauty in meeting people at/near our stage of life who "get it" when we have limitations, but don't let it stop them from enjoying life. And meeting people from all over North America, from all walks of life, has made me more open to new people and ideas. \

Hello 👋

Appreciate you sharing your heart. You said several things that made me pause.

One thing in particular is that "As a rule pastors avoid making friends at their church."

I have never in my entire life heard this rule? Is it a denominational specific rule?

I grew up surrounded by pastors. My grandfather was a farmer who had a reputation of being helpful, humble, generous and quiet.

My grandmother was known as an excellent cook, introvert and great supporter of friends and family.

It was nothing to see our pastor and neighboring pastors drop by after church to enjoy a meal, participate in a family celebration, participate in our grandfather's yearly hog slaughters and assisting with butchering the meat to share with the community or just to sit and talk a spell.

As children we saw and accepted them simply as family. Many of those beautiful souls have taken flight but the memories left behind are of jolly souls who preached the Word, had big laughs, big appetites and during their life trials shared their heavy hearts with our grandparents.

Now both me and my husband are pastors and have left a few religious groups and organizations who believe contrary to our beliefs associating the church to be a building.

We believe that our bodies are the temple of God making us living, breathing, walking, talking, churches or simply a church without walls free from religious traditions.

The whole point of being a pastor is connecting with people through various ways and if God send you friends along the way cherish the time you spend together as tomorrow is not promised.

It's never too late to start and the good book says your latter days will be better than your former days.

😂Happiness is a free will choice with or without friends. 💯 facts.

I bid you peace and may you come across friends to eat, drink and be merry as you navigate your journey. 🙏🎉

In recent weeks I've noticed that the quality of scam "phishing" emails has greatly improved, particularly those that send counterfeit email notices that mimic legitimate businesses such as Paypal, Amazon, Wells Fargo, etc.

Because of my very small business I receive message inquiries on Facebook. Yesterday I received a fake message on Facebook which, when I clicked on it, occupied my screen and with sound and flashing lights told me that my computer had been seized by malware and that to unfreeze it I should call a given phone number. The screen was unresponsive and made it look like my computer was indeed seized.
Very Important: Just close the web browser and it all goes away. It was a scam.

This is our new reality: Artificial Intelligence is now being used to make very convincing internet scams, and it will surely get more sophisticated very quickly.
Real ads from well-known companies use well-honed manipulative language and images to lure us into purchases and subscriptions for "free" services.

I'm limiting my online payments to PayPal and to a credit card at a nearby credit union which has contacted my about unusual charges and repaid me when my account was falsely charged by an overseas company.
Many of my shop supplies come from on-line suppliers. I try to limit myself to a few very good companies so I recognize their charges easily in bank statements.

It's going to get worse so we have to get smarter as we get older.
How can we protect ourselves?
Can we define clear, simple guidelines for computer use?

Here's one suggestion:
If something on your computer screen threatens you, just close it. Unplug the computer if necessary. Don't engage, don't try to fight back, just escape.

Exactly! Had the same experience - frozen screen, statement of computer having been seized by malware, etc. It was on a Sat. morning about a year and a half ago, and the first of two times this happened. Not recognizing this scam the first time, I did call the number they provided - long story short, they wanted to keep me on the phone long enough to secure my credit union's name and then keep me on long enough to call it themselves and record the message that is the credit union's answering service (which I would recognize as being legit) and have me speak "directly" to them. Then I would presumably feel safe to share information using my account numbers since I thought I was on the line with my own financial institution. At the last minute I didn't fall for it. Ed is RIGHT - just close it and the whole experience will evaporate!! If you'd feel even safer, just turn off your power and reboot. Thank you, Ed!

Rule #1 - Don't fall for "Emergencies!" No legitimate bank, pharmacy, government agency is going to demand immediate payments or account numbers or any private information.
Rule #2 - Don't buy on impulse or in response to any "limited time" offer that you didn't seek out on your own.
Rule #3 - Beware "Free" offers. Nobody stays in business by giving away more than they take in. "Free" is a hook to catch your attention, soon to be followed by "limited time."
Rule #4 - Only answer the phone if you know who's calling. Unknown callers can leave a voice message.
Rule #5 - Delete unsolicited email offers.
Anyone have more rules for protection from on line and phone scammers? I'm sorry to focus on ugly stuff, but to age-in-place safely we need to be prepared.

Ed-
The other night a young neighbor came over to advise me that her family was having a party and there would be music and it might be a little loud. (I didn't hear a thing.) They didn't have to let me know, but it was very kind of her. I think it was her high school graduation party. This came about because of a couple conversations across our yards. We don't know each other well; they are Spanish speakers and my Spanish is good but not excellent. I don't think this would have happened if we hadn't visited (in Spanish) a few times when we've been outside. Sometimes a casual hello (o hola) can lead to much appreciated courtesies.

Joan-
Every day we a putting together a story about the world.
And your story helps me have a better story of today!
These little energies can make a real difference.
This is always good to know, but it's even more important in our aging years.
Thank you.

As a golden oldie who is also a caregiver, my mantra has been to think ahead.
Knowing that I will not wake up 20 years younger tomorrow, I have accepted that survival and quality of life depend on attitude and planning. The rearranging of our stuff for easy access has prevented me from becoming a candidate for TV's Hoarders while putting a plus in the column for independence. When Covid isolated us, I took it as a sign to purge and organize, and I am still doing it. Maybe I have gone overboard with a grabber in every room, a few canes in strategic places, a house walker, and a car walker, but if this kind of crazy keeps me from crying out, "I've fallen, and I can't get up," it is worth it. The checklist you devise for safety and well-being will probably be different than mine. It is more important to recognize a pitfall and take care of it before you find yourself in a situation that could have been prevented. The confidence in being proactive is a by-product. Another bonus: your checklist will be shorter, and when the inevitable unforeseen shows up, you will be better prepared. Also, what we can no longer do has been put in more capable hands. I am sure the young people we have come to rely upon and the economy appreciates our efforts. Even though there are days that I am amazed at what I still accomplish for both my husband (94), who has dementia, and myself( 86) to remain independent, there are also days when I am overwhelmed. When I was a girl, my Mother would not let me play until the chores were done. That work ethic can leave me feeling like a juggler trying to keep the balls in the air for perpetuity. But wisdom tells me it is a rule that needs adjustment. Even if only for a few moments, I do something for pleasure or escape: a song, a puzzle, responding to this forum. So far, so good. GloRo