Are there any effective ways to deal with shadowing behavior?

Hi @chris2024
This article may be helpful:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/shadowing-behavior-in-dementia-470434.htm

Thank you so much for this reference Teri, the article is loaded with good ideas and explanations to make some sense of this. And the link to caregiver burnout is helpful as well. Shadowing is, right now, the most challenging behavior, and it is absolutely constant. No wonder I am on the edge of burnout. Lack of family help is frustrating and discouraging. Her separation anxiety causes panic at even the mention of non-family outside help. I read somewhere about precipitating a crisis in this type of situation. Not sure about that though...

Hi, @chris2024 I’m Scott and during my wife’s journey she was also dead set against me getting any help. What worked for me was to introduce a ‘cleaning lady’ who was actually a CNA. At first just two hours a week ‘to help me’. After a few weeks my wife decided she actually liked her and we increased hours while never calling her help for my wife.

Just something that worked for us.

Strength, Courage, & Peace

I have never heard this term before, but I often refer to my husband as “my shadow.” Drives me nuts also. But I think he does it because he can’t decide on his own what to do, and also just because he likes to be with me. At ALL times. So you have my total sympathy. It gets really frustrating. But, if I tell him to go sit in the living room and listen to music or “read,” he’ll do it, so I guess I am lucky so far. This is a really hard job. Hang in there.

Comforting somehow to know others are dealing with the same frustrations.

This is an excellent idea, thank you so much. My creativity regarding solutions has gone south.

When I am fixing a meal, she rushes out to "help", snatches up my cooking utensils and washes them so I have to hunt up replacements. Almost funny.

Like you say. Almost funny. My husband is so eager to dry the dishes that he will (when I’m not looking) start drying the dirty dishes before I can start washing. Spaghetti sauce all over a white dish towel, etc. I suppose there are worse things, and sometimes you just have to laugh. 😊

Yes, true! And it's not a derisive laugh really, it's just kind of recognizing the folly that maybe teaches us that a lot of things in life are more important than our little irritations.

Hi @chris20
I'm glad you found the article helpful!
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer's 5 years ago, although I noticed signs two years prior to that. He doesn't shadow me and I can leave him for a few hours at a time. He still does dishes, sweeps outside, puts his clothes away. I can get him to work on a puzzle once in a while or keep score when I play Scrabble solitaire.
For a while, he was not accepting of visitors. I didn't realize he had a cataract and was blind in one eye. He had surgery and is much more sociable. Still, our home is his castle, where he feels safe, and after a while visitors are "invaders" to him.
The geriatrician told me to tell him, if I do get help from outside, that the help is for me, not him. Do you think that would work with your wife? (I just saw that @IndianaScott made a similar suggestion below).
If you need to rest, read or watch tv, will your wife sit beside you quietly? Maybe you could sneak in some rests or "me" time that way?
If you have to do a chore, can you give her a little job she can do beside you?
How do you manage groceries, etc.?
I've been toying with the idea of getting a companion dog for us. I was feeding a neighborhood stray for years. He started to accompany me on walks to feed her and he just loved her. Long story short, she was taken by Animal Control on Valentine's Day. She was too much dog, indepependent, with trust issues, for me to take on, but he's lost so much motivation since she's gone.
Meanwhile, my husband's had chronic sinusitis and one sinus is completely blocked so he'll need some kind of procedure. I'm going to delay moving forward on the dog for a while.
We're pretty much on our own here, with no family nearby. It must hurt when they are near and don't step up.
Do take care and post how it goes.