How do you deal with aging?

Dear From the Hill-
You have learned from your late husband, and now we are learning from you.
We, the Older Folks, are the world's experts on being old.
Your need to focus your energies on what gives your life meaning and leave the frills for those with energy and time to spare speaks to me.
Thanks!

I've tried to learn from other's mistakes for many decades. That health in truly the #1 priority. Cutting corners on simple safety can have forever life changing results. Two years ago I was at PT for a hip replacement when I met a 90 yo woman who was in therapy for a fall. She had fallen down the cellar steps just before Thanksgiving and I was meeting her in early April. It was her first visit after a long painful recovery in both the hospital and then a rehab facility before finally going back to her home. I'll never forget what she opened with... "I went down those steps for seventy years without a problem."
My own mother was about her age and I often warned her about steps. I told her about the woman and she told me she knew her. Went to church with her and didn't know about her injury. Here's the interesting part. My mom always answers my warnings this way, verbatim, "It'll never happen to me."
Seriously, she's been like that her whole life as I've known her. She's had some death defying experiences which basically were death defying because she ignored serious symptoms. First a stroke, then her heart wasn't beating correctly and she finally told me. A pacemaker fixed that. Then she called one night complaining of back pain, saying the PT had been hurting her back. I physically carried her to the car and then the ER. She objected all the way. She had a serious UTI and was close to death from the infection. The back pain was from her kidneys, not her back. So a week in the hospital on antibiotics and six more weeks at rehab and she was like new. I could tell you all about her driving, which she's doing as I write. She's amazing. There's a few more falls that she denies are falls. She knows to dial 911 but never carries a phone. Uses her cane when it looks good so people will help her at the store.
So I have plenty of examples of how aging can be taught, if we are willing to watch and listen. Oh by the way, I'm 72 this month and now learning about her periodontal disease and oral infections. And really bad dentists who put $$ above people.

Hi native Sonoma County. I am a Marin County gal. I was born and raised in San Francisco but moved here 55 years ago. I am 82 years and my husband is 78 and still runs his own commercial real estate company. I could have seen me moving somewhere else but my husband wants to work until he can't anymore. Also I would have done some volunteer work but I have primary immuno deficiency so can't do schools because kids always have sickness and can't volunteer in a hospital for the same reason. I'm still active and walk one to two miles a day. What's getting to me is my osteoarthritis. Fingers, toes, cervical. But I'm hanging in there.

Glad you are getting out and walking! We do what we can with what we have

I am in Marin now, also. Didn’t move far from the nest 45 years ago

I have noticed every doctor that I see types everything on the laptop. In fact I told my daughter after my last visit with my Rheumatologist who I really like, that he types better than I do and I work on the computer everyday.

Your mother sounds a lot like mine. My mother loves to tell everyone how she is so "Sensitive" to all medications and can't even take a aspirin. I believe that is in her head. She wouldn't get vaccinated for Covid because she is too sensitive, so she doesn't allow anyone, not even my son and his 2 younger children who have never met her come to her home. She repeats herself about everything and is so rude to me, I no longer call her. I don't need to be mistreated. Not even by my own mother. We have never been close. She had me at 14 and I feel like she blames me for her unhappy life. I didn't ask to be born and I surely didn't choose the men that she married after she and my father divorced. There is so many negatives which I could say about her, but it isn't worth it to think this way. My own daughter has no relationship with my mother.

My mother must have well over a hundred open bottles of vitamins and supplements on her countertop. She'll buy anything that's advertised to fix her aging body for any amount but has her plumbing drains clogged because she won't flush the toilet often enough. Why you ask? Because water is too expensive. LOL. She claims allergies to everything. She recently bought a small bottle of magic oil to put in her ears to calm her tinnitus. She gets it really bad. So instead of seeing a real medical professional she buys this stuff off Amazon. Here's where the story gets good. She thinks her next door neighbor stole the package off her door step. She told me about it and claimed they must have taken it because the neighbor had let their dog run and it "shit" on her lawn. She packed it up and left it with the neighbor's daughter. This was several years ago and the neighbor had gotten rid of the dog. So, mom called the cops and cited the dog issue from years ago as to why she was certain they stole her tinnitus magic oil from Amazon. When I pressed her about how the two things weren't connected, she broke down and admitted she was in so much pain from tinnitus she got confused. This is so much like the oral pain she endured from the infection she had. She's by herself, thinks she's always right and only recently I've seen how these pain events have made her angry and unable to listen and be open to other ways of thinking. As far as relationships with our relatives, my children were blessed with their mother who taught them to love.

May I ask your mother's age? The only reason for that question is that whenever I read stories such as yours and the parent (or individuals themselves) are younger than I am, it reminds me to be SO grateful for everything good that's going on in my own life. My family has had plenty of tragedies, particularly in the past few years, but I try my best to remind myself each day that overall, I'm very fortunate.

You seem to enjoy working in the helping processes. That's wonderful. You have a tender spirit and could probably offer kind words and much encouragement to others here at this forum ... in the safety of your own home. I haven't been a member here for very long. But one thing I have noticed everytime I login is the healing words of others that have touched my heart. The stories offer so much encouragement to me (and others). I hope you find help with your osteoarthritis. Have you tried R-Lipoic Acid (specialized) and 5% Lidocaine transdermal patches? I've only been on these products a short time, but I am experiencing some improvement with walking. I look forward to walking 1-2 miles like you. Have an excellent day. Best, CB

My mother will be 95 June 14th. She's very proud of Flag Day and there's plenty of red, white and blue around her house. Next week she has another dental appt to see what's going on in the rest of her mouth. All the extractions have healed nicely but there are obvious others needing work, maybe extractions as well. She might end up with all of them pulled and dentures. Which might be a good thing in the long run. She spends a lot of time on her gums every night.