Preparing to Age in Place

My wife and I each have our own car, and we have a good pickup, and a travel trailer and horse trailer. As with Ginger, we live out in the country, with towns 7, 23 and 45 miles away. Church is 23 miles. We'd have to drive to town to catch Dial a Ride, or pay for a cab, which is cost prohibitive. Some day I'll have to sell my old Cadillac, but as long as I can drive we need a pickup for dump runs and all kinds of jobs. There's no public transportation in the closest town. At least we moved 18 years ago from a place that was 130 miles from town. As Ginger mentioned, any time someone went to town, they let people know and picked up anything from prescriptions or Costco to lumber for them. Our Suburban always came home from a long day in town full of stuff.

I don't know what we'd do if EV were mandated here. It's just not a good option for those who live in truly remote areas. In the city or the suburbs it makes sense. I'm afraid that there's a high percentage of seniors who live where public transportation, Uber and EV charging stations aren't available. Many are home bound by virtue of poverty, with no network of family or friends to help out.

Within the next ten years, we will be down to one car and one pickup, even if we don't drive much, because we could have someone drive our vehicle to chauffeur us to doctor appointments and shopping. Our daughter is looking for property now to build a house on when her husband retires from the Coast Guard, and they want us to build a smaller house on their property. It would surely be nice to be close to one of our kids, when we reach the age when we might need extra help.

Jim

Changing things is difficult. But you will adapt easily if you decide to go to 1 car.
Especially if they're older, it will cost you in repairs to keep both going.
I have lived with no car for 5 years now... I know you can do this!
Wishing your wife a complete, total recovery from her surgery.

You're right, Ed. I did the same thing for our son and daughter when they were young. I gave them good quality tools, which I suspect have disappeared from my son's ownership, but my daughter uses them and has added a lot more in her shop. I'm pleased that both of them are fearless when it comes to diy projects.

I only have a set of Craftsman V series 1/2" sockets with the accessories still together in the original case from the 60s, from my father. I have a 1/4" Craftsman BE socket set in its original metal box, which is from the 30s-40s, from my father-in-law. They may have been the catalyst for the excessive collecting of old tools. eBay is my nemesis. I'll pass the sets to my kids some day.

Jim

Jim, I love this discussion. Each of my girls have tools from Grandpa and Grandma. I also have a few pieces still carved with my Dad's name, as well as my Grandad's calipers and compass from the 1940's. My husband has many tools from his Dad and mine -including huge old pipe wrenches.
One of our summer tasks will be to tease out all of the tools from their various toolboxes, bags, shelves and hiding places and organize them on shelves or in the big rolling toolbox we can both reach (some are stored on seven and eight feet high right now.) We will set aside some for our grandsons as they grow. And, painful as it is, some will go. I mean, how may corded 1/2" drills do you need at our age?
This plan was precipitated when my husband said he needed a new socket set for our new camper and I pointed out that we already have 10 or more sets, they just need sorting.
I am "that wife" who has her own clearly marked, untouchable tools in the kitchen, craft room and garden shed so I can always find what I need.
My married daughter (with 2 young sons) is learning to do the same after finding her new garden pruners laying in the yard. Her single sister has the "best tools " in her neighborhood.
Lest you ask about my "stuff", every year I go through the (catch-all) pantry/laundry room, 1 of our 3 sheds , 1 of the 3 closets in our home and 1/3 of my craft/art/sewing room and purge - the people on "buy nothing" love it when I do my clean-up weeks.
I have reached the point where there are actually empty places on some shelves!

I'm wondering how folks have dealt with food preparation as aging has limited shopping and cooking abilities.
Viewing our kitchen from chair level shows me that about 1/3 to 1/2 of counters, cabinets and drawers would be useable. I can make that work, I've had very small kitchens and like the simplicity.
But people who have really had to manage wheelchair or one handed cooking may have real first-hand knowledge to share.
What kinds of modifications should be done in advance?
What kinds of cooking styles work best with disabilities?

I will be 90 years old on my next birthday, which is not that far away. As I write this I am living in my own house and am independent. I can and do drive. For assistance, I have a gardener who comes once a month and a cleaning person who comes once every three weeks. I know I am extremely fortunate to be in pretty good health at my age. I have looked at a couple of facilities. They are not for me. They are also expensive. Of course no one can predict the future and I am well aware of the fact that something could happen to me at any time. For me it seems easier and more economical to just stay here and have help come to me should I need it.

Because my Achilles tendons ruptured in December, I was non weight bearing for more than 2 months, in a wheelchair, so I gained first hand experience with the handicap. My wife has also been handicapped for a couple of years, getting around with a walker, and cooking from the walker.

Doorways are an ever present issue, of course, and multiple levels in the house, as well as access to the house.

I have concluded that the kitchen and at least one bathroom must have wheelchair height sinks. Upper cabinets are nice, but only the bottom shelf is accessible, and it's hard to get to the back of base cabinets, so that will affect how we design our next kitchen.

I'm tall, so I could reach the things that are at the front of the top shelf in the refrigerator, but no further than that. Ours is a bottom freezing compartment, so it is easier to get to, but the overall height is the concern. We might consider a shorter fridge and a freezer next to it or close by.

Our stove is a slide in, so it's at counter height, but the controls are at the back, which would probably be problematic - something to consider. For someone shorter than I, access to the standard height counters could be a challenge, and access into the base cabinets would be a lot better with slide out shelves, something my wife has been wanting for a long time. The cabinets on each side of the stove in our present home were designed with sliders, so it's easier to get to the pots and pans.

Cabinets are important to us because we have an embarrassment of dishes! Her mother's and grandmother's, my grandmother's, our expensive wedding china, the Desert Rose, a few sets - no, make that several sets of everyday dishes - Mikasa, Pfaltzgraff, Metlox, blue and white English - and cabinets full of serving dishes...china cabinets, a couple of buffets. You get the picture. Our son and daughter have told us what they want, which isn't a whole lot 🙁 We've enjoyed collecting dishes for 50+ years. (We HAVE pretty much stopped collecting.)

Anyway, those dishes and the pantry full of food are less useful if you can't reach them.

Also in the kitchen, I'll want a wider pathway. We like the island, but it would be better if the path was a foot or two wider.

Are there other things we should consider? (Beside getting rid of lots of dishes)

Jim

It is not easy, this work of looking as realistically as I can at my living situation and imagining my abilities to manage life as I continue to age!

I want to continue to live a creative life. For that I need physical, emotional and spiritual space, and time. Creativity needs time and space!

I've been tossing large amounts of "packed away" things. 150 issues of a glossy magazine from my years as editor. I clipped my best editorial opinions and tossed the magazines - the peak of my professional career now reduced to a half inch file, enough to remind me of what I did and what I valued.

The paintings on the walls, paintings that once meant a lot to me. Do I really enjoy them now or are they just filling space on the wall and in my mind?
Would I miss them if they were gone, or would I feel freedom from so many memories of past times?
Would I perhaps fill the wall space and mind space with something new, maybe something very transient but very alive?

I want to know today more than yesterday.
I want the lightness of my youth when I owned little and moved easily.

Am I denying my real age, or am I passionate to get the most of every day that is left to me?
Aging in place should be about joy of living, not about fear of loss!

You’ve encouraged me to do the same! Thank you!

Hi Ed - I loved your description "I want the lightness of my youth when I owned little and moved easily."
I felt very lightened when I passed on the massive set of dinnerware & silverware for entertaining - I no longer feel the need to plan & manage holiday dinners for dozens. The "lighter" version is an non-holiday open house where family comes and goes and simple snacks are contributed by all. I can relax and enjoy the camaraderie.

I am also reevaluating all of the photos and artwork on our walls - leaning towards simple displays of art created by my family and myself. In place of walls of paintings, photography and family photos, a frame with an everchanging display of old and new pictures. As favorite artwork is removed from a wall, I will photograph it and add it to the library on the frame.

There is a wonderful "upside" to this - we can enjoy our photos and artwork in whichever home we inhabit - now and in the future. It easily travels easily with us to our "tiny home" and occupies the space of a single medium-sized painting.

Wow, writing this gives rise to another idea - those boxes full of photos in the cupboard can be culled to a few favorites on the frame. Others that are meaningful can be scanned, and captions added, to give an easily stored pictorial history to our kids. Sounds like a project for my bad-lung days when I am trapped indoors!